Parenting Tip- Families Work Together for the Good of the Family

I heard a great idea I wanted to pass on.  It helps your children understand the election process and the duties of President, Vice President and so forth.  Even though the elections are over (thank goodness--no more junk mail and phone calls) this is still an important concept to teach that is timeless.

This family had an election among the children for who was to be the president and vice president in the family.  The president and vice were able to make propositions, such as extending the bedtime or allowing cookies at dinner, but they could also be impeached--by the parents.

There are  many ways you could use this idea to suit your own family's needs.  Perhaps the parents could be the president and vice president, with children being senators and legislators.  Laws and propositions could be proposed, voted on, passed or even vetoed.

Another family who use to have a "working mom", that is a mom who worked outside the home, used the union and boss idea to teach their children leadership skills and work ethics.

At this time of year, perhaps you could have your family become Santa's workshop and the children could be the elves.  They would make gifts for siblings and parents and ensure that fun and good things to eat were ever prevalent. 

One family had elves keep track of whether their children were naughty or nice with the elf leaving  a piece of candy or a piece of coal each night in the children's shoes.  A recent book entitled, The Elf on the Shelf has a similar idea of an elf "spying" on children.  This may or may not appeal to you. It might depend on your children and if you feel they need extra encouragement to be good or not. 

I prefer having children focus on what THEY can do to help and encourage their siblings.  Maybe they can be elves who leave notes when they see their siblings helping each other out or being obedient to parents.

All the ideas above relate to the fact that families work together for the good of the family.  Keep that idea in mind as you go throughout the holidays.  As a family, you can help neighbors, grandparents, those in need, those who are less fortunate,  and even your own family members. 

That's what families do!

Thanks for reading,

Cathy


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Parenting Tip - Teach Forgiveness

I've had a paradigm shift in my thinking about the topic of FORGIVENESS in family life.  It all stems from this article by President Dieter F. Uchtdorf. 

I always thought of forgiveness as what you do when someone has wronged you or hurt you or done something bad to you.  Which it is, of course, but it's more. As a teenager, I would hold a grudge and give  my parents the "silent treatment" if they wouldn't let me go somewhere or do something I wanted to do.  My siblings  would get over being mad quickly, but I mistakenly thought that I had to be mad for a long time to show how unhappy I was about their decision.  I thought if I wasn't mad, then my parents  would think I didn't really mind their decision after all. So I would carry anger around for a long time.

But forgiveness is not being mad when you have the right to be.  It's not being hurt when someone has hurt you.  It's not seeking revenge when you have been wronged.

How does this apply to family life?  It can be applied and used multiple times a day!

Little sister takes big brother's toy.  Big brother has a right to be mad--he has been wronged and usually retaliates by hitting or crying.  But if big brother forgives his little sister, he shows love and understanding instead of revenge and justification.  He becomes a peacemaker.

 Big brother plays in the mud creating rivers and dams until little brother pours too much water over everything, ruining all the hard work. Big brother can hit and yell, or stop and try to understand what happened and forgive little brother.

Teenage daughter wants to go to a movie with her friends.  Her parents don't approve of the movie, even though her friends' parents--who are loving and cautious parents--do approve.  Teenage daughter can argue and fight or sulk and criticize.  But if teenage daughter forgives her parents for what she thinks as being "mean to her", she can look at their point of view, can realize they love her enough to protect her, and can let them know she disagrees with their decision, but respects them as her parents to willingly comply.  Her parents so appreciate teenage daughter's attitude, that they offer to let her friends come over for pizza and movies another week end.

Take a good look at your family and see the many areas you can teach and practice forgiveness. For example, your husband forgetting to run an important errand, your son not taking out the garbage, or a car suddenly cutting in front of you.  What about when you run out of peanut butter and your preschooler throws a fit, or your daughter's shirt is in the dirty clothes and she refuses to wear anything else.  Do children need to learn to forgive their parents?

When we practice forgiveness, we feel happier and peaceful.  We can forgive others, and still teach them.  We can forgive others, and then feel peaceful enough TO teach them.  Little sister is patiently taught to not take toys, discussion with teenage daughter is calm and respectful, husband and son are still loved even though natural consequences follow their forgetfulness.  You ask your child to forgive you for not having time to buy more peanut butter or do the laundry.

Putting a name to our feelings and actions is important.  Help your children learn when to forgive and label it as forgiveness.  Teach them the blessings that come from forgiveness such as peace and harmony and understanding for others.

It's important to teach about forgiveness BEFORE it is needed.  The preschooler crying for peanut butter might understand better if he's been taught about what to do in these situations previously.

And remember, it will take a long time to learn this principle--for ourselves, and our family. Especially that preschooler!


Thanks for reading,

Cathy

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Parenting Tip - Be a Positive Ostinato

Last year I wrote a post about musical ostinati (Oct 22, 2011).  An ostinato is a repeated pattern.  Ostinati is the plural. An ostinato adds life and interest and rhythm to a piece of music.

At school my students play ostinati a lot on percussion or barred instruments to accompany folk songs and chants.  But they never remember what an ostinato is. Last year I finally figured out a way to teach them what an ostinato is by having them sing a silly song about it.  And it worked.  They all remember the definition, now, and sing it anytime I say the word ostinato.

It occurred to me that as parents we use ostinati a lot. We repeat ourselves over and over throughout the day:
"Hang up your clothes, hang up your clothes, hang up your clothes."
"Do your homework, Do your homework, Do your homework."
"Stop fighting,  Stop fighting, Stop fighting."

But what if we were a positive ostinato?
"Thanks for obeying so quickly, Thanks for obeying so quickly, Thanks for obeying so quickly."
"You did a nice job on that, You did a nice job on that, You did a nice job on that."
 "I love you, I love you, I love you."

Saying the same thing over and over again--being an ostinato--is a good thing.  If you're positive.  So go ahead and repeat yourself.  Repeat yourself.  Repeat yourself.  You're adding to the music in your home with an upbeat positive rhythm.

Thanks for reading,

Cathy
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Parenting Tip - Don't Overlook the Flecks of Gold

I like the message in this story.  It made me think about other flecks of gold we sometimes overlook.  Like our children.  Are we so busy living and looking to the future, that we don't notice the gold right in our own home.

Here are some other flecks of gold we might overlook:
Flecks of gold of happiness at the cute thing your 3 year old son just said.
Flecks of gold of gratitude for having enough food to eat and a home to live in.
Flecks of gold of patriotism for living in a democratic country.

The flecks of gold gradually added up to great wealth, one small fleck at a time.  What other things add up by small measures?
Teaching our children day after day to do their chores.
Teaching our children day after day to do their homework.
Helping our children day after day practice a musical instrument.
Eating healthy food day after day.
Exercising or walking a little bit more day after day.

Flecks of gold.
Small deeds.
Patience to wait for the wealth.
 Enjoying the day to day collecting.

Thanks for reading,

Cathy
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Parenting Tip - September is International Literacy Month

September is International Literacy month!  What a great reminder about the importance of reading.

 

With school in full swing, children are studying and learning and reading.  But don't forget about reading as a family.  You can give your children fond memories and the gift of knowledge and success just by reading aloud.

This site has a list of 100 best books for children listed by age groups.

Jim Trelease, the advocate for reading aloud to children, has a great website with lots of information for parents.

This site offers a list of all the Newberry Award Books from 1922 to present.

Here is a list of all the Caldecott Winners 1938 to present.

The International Children's Digital Library is a digital library of outstanding children's books from around the world.

 May your children be able to say....."richer than I you can never be --I had a Mother who read to me.

Thanks for "reading"!

Cathy 

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Parenting Tip - When your Child is Bored

My son told me about my granddaughter's first week of kindergarten.  When asked how she liked it, she told her Dad it was boring.  But later in the evening, she and her brother were talking about school and talking about the rodeo clown who had come to the school assembly.  Then my grandson mentioned that Maya, his kindergarten sister, had been chosen to go up on the stage to help the clown.  My son asked Maya, "I thought you said school was boring?"  She replied, "Well, not that part."

Kids! They're funny sometimes.

Now I want you to understand that my grandchildren are PERFECT, but in other children, I see a rising trend where children seem to think they have to be entertained constantly.  If they're not watching TV, then they're playing a video or computer game or going to soccer practice or dance or gymnastics.

My sister, who taught school for 40 years, always told her students if they complained of being bored, "only uncreative, uninteresting people are bored."

So what do we, as parents do, if our children complain of being bored at school or at home?  Teach them it's their responsibility to do something about their boredom.  Teach them that they should not rely on someone else to entertain them, but that they now have an opportunity to find something to learn or to invent or to do.

It's been said that necessity is the mother of invention.  One summer our family went on a day trip to visit my husband's aunt and uncle at their cabin. In the afternoon all the adults took a nap except for me.  I was completely bored and didn't know how to fill the next few hours.  Suddenly I decided to get the camera and take pictures of my children and their cousin illustrating the ABC's in nature.  For the next 2 hours we were engrossed in finding things that started with the letters of the alphabet and then posing for a picture (like laying in the hammock for the letter H, etc).  It was so fun.

Later, I took all the alphabet photos and made an illustrated alphabet book.  Throughout the years, my children and I have enjoyed looking at the book.  And each time, I am reminded that it was a blessing I was bored, or the book would never have been made.

Don't feel guilty if your child is bored.  Give him strategies to help him cope if he is bored at school such as writing a poem about what he learning, creating math picture problems, writing a story, or simply drawing and coloring a picture.  Don't think you have to provide constant entertainment or activity at home.  Jot some ideas down on pieces of paper, put them in a jar and let your child choose one of the slips of paper.  Be prepared and collect art supplies or other creative open ended activities to have your child engage in.

Or you can always do what I would do.  Give your child a chore to do if he complained of being bored.  That would certainly get the wheels turning in the brain.

Or you could say to your child what my husband would sometimes say, "go sit on your thumb and let your feet hang over." 

Thanks for reading,

Cathy 

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Parenting Tip - Think Backwards

Arrgghhh, are you always running late to everything and seem to be saying, "HURRY UP!" way to often?   You've read the tips, the ideas, but nothing seems to work for you, right?  That just seems to be the way of life when you have kids.

But does it have to be that way?  NO--- anyway it doesn't have to always be that way.

The best method for me to get anywhere on time is to COUNT BACKWARDS.  What time do I want to arrive at my destination?  Let's say I need to be somewhere at 8:00 am.  Next I decide how long it will take to drive there--15 minutes.  When I had kids to get out the door with me, I always forgot about the next step--how long will it actually take to collect belongings, and get into the car?  Sometimes that's the killer step we forget, because it seems like it takes 5-10 minutes to get from the bedroom/bathroom/kitchen to get shoes on, to books, etc to out the door and into the car.  Oh rats, then it takes several minutes to get kids buckled in the car too.  Be sure and add that time in your estimation. 

So it looks like I better leave 20 minutes early (15 min drive + 5 min packing up) to get somewhere at 8:00.  But then I forget about finding a parking place, or walking to where I'm going to.  I just figure if my car is pulling into the parking lot at 8:00 I'm on time. But everyone else is already inside and ready to begin.  Yikes, I better figure in another 5 minutes for that.

So if I have to be somewhere at 8:00, now I have to leave 25 minutes early (15 drive + 5 packing up + 5 parking)!  

Here's another way of THINKING BACKWARDS.  You picture yourself arriving someplace with your children, and you're calmly walking from the car to your destination.  You picture yourself calmly waiting at all the red lights you seemed to hit this morning.  You picture yourself changing the baby's unexpected diaper change with only a little bit of hurry and tension.  You picture yourself getting yourself and kids dressed and fixing hair in a somewhat unrushed manner.  You picture yourself the night before deciding what to fix for breakfast and what clothes to wear.  You also picture yourself mentally tallying up what needs to be done to be on time the next morning.

I like thinking backwards.  It helps me organize myself and helps me work toward goals.  It helps me be able to take time to "smell the roses".  It helps me feel calm.  It helps me simplify and enjoy life.

Here's a fun article written by a chronically late mom and how she finally changed her ways.

Here's an idea of where you can keep all the backpacks, etc that your children need as they head out the door to the car.

One last idea:  This time THINK FORWARD.  Think about your children and what you are teaching them.  Do you want grown up children who are smart, sincere, have integrity and self-assurance?  Do you want children that are aware of other people's needs and service oriented?  Then they have a mother who is organized, who has self control over her own self, and has taught her children well.

They have YOU!

Become that kind of mother and start teaching your children by teaching them how to be on time.  Be on time to events, on time with their homework, on time to their jobs.  A simple thing that will reap great rewards! 

Thanks for reading,

Cathy

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Music Tip - The Rhythm of Life

You've heard the phrase, "variety is the spice of life".  I think it should be changed to "rhythm is the spice of life" and I agree with Maya Angelou, an American Poet who said, "everything has rhythm, everything dances." 

Look at your children and their rhythm and dancing as they play, whine, read, eat and avoid their bedtime.  You probably haven't thought about them having rhythm and dancing during these times, but they do.  Think about a toddler who does the same repetitive activity like putting blocks in a container and dumping them out, over and over again.  Or the child who whines in a steady, nonstopable stream of complaining.

So I say, let's be proactive Moms.  Let's use this inherent rhythm our children have to our advantage.  Here are some examples of things you could do:

You're driving in the car with your children and they're tired and hungry.  Every intersection you come to has a red light.  You suddenly start chanting, "turn green, turn green, turn green" and immediately your children begin chanting with you.  When the light changes you all clap and say yeah!  Then as you approach an intersection with a green light showing you chant, "stay green, stay green, stay green."  Suddenly the atmosphere in your car is one of "funness" and your children are totally distracted from their hunger pains.

The bedtime fight is about to begin.  You start chanting and clapping, "bedtime, bedtime, pj-time, bedtime" as you help your child get into his pajamas.  Then you chant, "bedtime, bedtime, brush your teeth, bedtime", and again start brushing teeth.  Go through your whole bedtime routine, chanting, and doing the actions of getting ready for bed.  Then change your voice to whispering and slowly chant, "sleep time sleep time, close your eyes and sleep time."  Maybe you could continue whispering and stroking your child's face or body softly as you say, "I love you time, I love you time, kiss and hugs, I love you time."  

The house is cluttered with toys, you're fixing dinner, the baby is crying, the older kids are fighting instead of doing their homework and the noise is escalating. Suddenly you chant these words to the rhythm of "We Will Rock You": 

Who will,   who will,    help me? (clap, stomp, stomp, clap)

Who will,   who will,    help me? (clap, stomp, stomp, clap)

Then proceed to give directions in the same rhythm-ee way. 

Your children will probably look at you in disbelief, but the weirdness of  their mother acting like this will be so novel, they might just obey you.

So I say to all you Moms out there:
Try it,   try it,  try it! (clap, stomp, stomp, clap)
Try it,   try it,  try it! (clap, stomp, stomp, clap)

Thanks for reading,

Cathy

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Music Tip - Multi-generational Music Class

For those of you who live in the Mesa, Tempe, Gilbert, Chandler area, I will be starting my FREE music classes on Tues Aug 28. 

For the past 5 years I have been teaching a class for preschoolers and their moms at The Courtyard Towers.  This is a retirement apartment complex and the residents, whom we call the "grandmas and the grandpas" come to our class and join us in singing, playing instruments, dancing and having fun!
What a great way to mix youth with those a little older and see how each group benefits and bonds through the vehicle of music.


Classes are from 10:00 to 10:45 on Aug 28,  Sept 4,18,  Oct 2, 23, and Nov 6,20.
Please email me if you would like to come.  Space is limited. The Towers are located at 22 N. Robson in Mesa (across the street from the Mesa Youth Museum).








Thanks for reading,
Cathy

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Music Tip - Practice Ideas

I asked my piano moms for ideas they use to successfully get their children to practice during the summer.  Here's some of their responses:

My son says "knowing that I'll get (computer) game-time after I practice and that I won't get bothered about it the rest of the day and that I can play at friends' houses" is what motivates him.

My son seems to practice on his own without much encouragement, but that's probably because he loves it, and because we're in the routine of him doing it right after breakfast, and he knows that play time (or whatever he wants to do) comes AFTER piano practice is finished.

Currently we have a small box on the piano that holds our squeakies. They are small rubber figures. Each song they play well, they pick one and if they complain I get to pick one.  At the end of the lesson we have a squeakie war where we just play make believe war, but the toys don't leave the piano since they get lost if we do! Then after all my men have been killed/ no more than 5 mins. We put them back for the next day. Squeekies came in a 12 pack at Walmart and I will use my Micheals coupon to get them for a better deal. 

I do use TV in the summer since we don't watch it much during the school year, especially on school days.  If I really want to make it worth their while I promise to pop popcorn and we all watch an Andy Griffith together.  

The best thing for us is to pick a time each day and stick to that time.

The boys get 20 minutes of computer time each, every day, but they don't get it until after they do their piano practice. So I don't have to keep telling them to practice because they tell me "I'm going to practice now so I can do my computer time."

We do our piano, reading, learning games (and chores) all in the morning during the summer time. The reward is they can either watch a movie or have video game time in the early afternoon. This structure has worked fairly well for all age groups and we've used it over quite a few summers. :-)

1st- We TRY (the optimal word) to get our music done EARLY in the day. That way there's no drama during the normal late afternoon drama.

2nd-  I do the "Ms. Cathy cup game"  with a sweet tart under one.  This really works WONDERS, and helps me keep my cool.  (Although one time I got so frustrated I picked up the cup and ate it right in front of my child..that showed him....not). [side note: The Ms. Cathy game consists of hiding a sticker under one bell out of 5-6 bells sitting on the piano.  The student plays a tricky section and rings a bell.  If the sticker is not under that bell, the student keeps playing the section and ringing bells until he finally finds the correct bell.  The students LOVE this game]

Practice before breakfast!

                                                    @@@@@@@

Did you notice how most every one mentions practicing early in the day and making it a routine?  I think that is the key--consistency and putting it before play/tv/computer time.

Some kids are starting back to school in a couple of weeks and others of you around the country are still enjoying summer.  No matter what your schedule though, some of the above ideas will continue to work.  If they don't, analyze your new routines, find out the best time for piano practicing, and make it work.  You'll be so glad you did as you raise a brighter, more caring child.

                                                    Well, I didn't say they wouldn't still be silly!

Thanks for reading,
Cathy
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Parenting Tip - Intentionally Teaching your Children

My daughter-in-law, Katie, was on Studio 5 TV in Utah offering some parenting advice.



It was on a theme that is dear to my heart:  intentionally teaching values to your children.  You are your child's parent/teacher/mentor.  Your child is learning every day--learning from your actions, from what you do and say and also from what you don't do or say. 

You can facilitate this learning by naming it.  
"You are learning how to be responsible when I give you chores to do."  

"You are learning how to be accountable and dependable when you get consequences for choosing not to do your chores."

"You are learning how to be a good sport when we play games together and you don't always win."

"You are learning how to be brave and have courage when you go to swimming lessons even though you're afraid."

And to you parents, I say:
"You are learning how to be effective parents when you try and implement new ideas for your family!"

Way to go parents--YOU make a difference.  
You are important to your child!

Thanks for reading,
Cathy


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Parenting Tip - Easy Travel Ideas

I don't know if you're still traveling in the car this summer, but I ran across a few ideas that I wish I would have know when my children were small.

This blog had some really great ideas like an easy-to-sew road trip pillow case that has a pocket to hold activity books, crayons, etc.  Another fun idea was a bucket on a pulley so you can easily pass items back and forth between the front and back seats.

How about quickly stitching up a travel pillow, one that keeps your child's head from tipping uncomfortably to the side?  All you need to do is cut out a rectangle from a piece of fabric.  Fold it in half, lengthwise with right sides together and sew up the long side opposite the fold.  Turn your fabric inside out so the right side is now visible.  Stuff your tube with stuffing and sew up both short ends.  You or your child can decorate the pillow by sewing felt eyes, a nose and a mouth on it, or you can make it look like a snake by adding eyes with a red tongue sticking out, sewed at one end.  What a fun project for an older child to make for herself or her siblings.  And don't forget, boys would love to make this project too.

Picture found here on this blog.

Here is another simple pillow you can make.  Minky fabric would be really soft and fun to make a pillow out of.  Hey, what a great birthday or Christmas present to make for grandchildren or nieces and nephews.

By the way, what do you mothers do to keep your children's car seats from being so hot?  I feel so bad for babies and children who have to sit in their car seats in Arizona when it's so hot.  How about using ziplock bags with a little water or ice in them that you keep in the freezer and grab as you head to the car?  Keep the bags in the car seat while you're in the store.  Even if they're completely melted when you come back, they've kept the car seat a lot cooler than if you hadn't used them.

If you're still traveling this summer, have fun!
Thanks for reading,

Cathy

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Music Tip - Dancing + Working = Smart Mom

Here is another water tip.  Have your children mop the floor for you.  One of my friends even made "mop footsies" for her kids.  They dance and run around and have fun while mopping.  That's what I call dovetailing.  That's what I call a Smart Mom!

For the footsies, she just took wash cloths and quickly sewed elastic around the edges. 

Turn on your favorite music and get dancing! I mean, mopping!  No, I mean dancing!


Thanks for reading,

Cathy

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Parenting Tip - Summer Time is Water Time!

Summer time is hot time, so break out the hoses, water balloons, wading pools and squirt guns. Encourage outside play.  Buy squirt guns, send an attack message to a nearby family and go have some fun.

Have your children paint rocks, fences or paper with water and paint brushes.  Combine different combinations for new fun, such as putting a slide next to a trampoline or go fishing in a wading pool.
How about letting your children wash dishes outside--that is their toy tea sets or let them wash their scooters, bikes, or even the car. Put food coloring in a large pan of water with different sizes of smaller containers and let your child pour the water from one container to another.  Add bubbles.

Please remember that it only takes a couple of seconds for a child to drown.  Watch your children around water; be sure to empty wading pools or buckets and containers of water.  Use sun screen.

Thanks for reading,

Cathy

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Music Tip - Not Ring Around the Rosies, but Ring Around the Finger

I like to help my piano students stay focused when we are working on a problem they are having.  But sometimes merely telling them what to do doesn't sink it into their little minds.  That's when I like to use props that are fun and will help them stay focused.

Rings - I find fun rings and use them for many purposes.  I just found some cute ones at Pretty Party Place that have googly eyes on them. 

Use rings to:
*remind a finger to sharp or flat an upcoming note
*keep correct shape of fingers and thumb (curved or standing up)
*remind a finger that keeps forgetting to play when it should
*practice finger numbers (i.e. thumb=1, pointer=2)
*practice skipping fingers
*practice playing chords 

Bracelets - I looked for several weeks for those slap bracelets that used to be popular.  I just found them at JoAnn's in neon colors. 

Use bracelets to:
*remind wrist to stay up (as opposed to "don't let the wrist fall down"--always say the directions or reminders in a positive statement)
*remind the hand to bring out the melody or perhaps to play softer
*remind arm to relax
*practice a phrase or note pattern

Now how can I use these rings or bracelets to help ME with my problems?  Put rings on every finger so when I open the refrigerator to eat something I'll see them and stop?  Hmmm....I'll have to think on that one.




Thanks for reading,
 Cathy



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