Parenting Tip - Is Your Child an Upholder, Obliger, Questioner or Rebel (read as Strong-willed)?

I really like many of the books Gretchen Rubin has written, but I’m obsessed with her newest book, The Four Tendencies.

This is what she says about it on her website:

During my multibook investigation into human nature, I realized that by asking the suspiciously simple question “How do I respond to expectations?” we gain explosive self-knowledge.

I discovered that people fit into Four Tendencies: Upholders, Questioners, Obligers, and Rebels. Our Tendency shapes every aspect of our behavior, so understanding this framework lets us make better decisions, meet deadlines, suffer less stress and burnout, and engage more effectively. The Four Tendencies explain why we act and why we don’t act.

I am an Obliger (you can take a quick quiz here to find out what tendency you are ).  Knowing this has made my life easier.  I understand why I do some of the things I do and know how to deal with other aspects of my life, like accomplishing goals or saying no to people.  I think it is important to understand our family members and realize their tendencies—especially our spouses and children.  It can make family life so much more enjoyable when we understand why people act and respond the way they do.  Then we can change the way we approach our spouse or child so we can have win-win experiences and less conflicts.

Here are the Tendencies in a nutshell:

The Upholder Tendency

Upholders are those people who readily respond to outer and inner expectations alike.   They meet work or school deadlines as well as keep goals they set for themselves.

Strengths:  Upholders can set goals and ideals for themselves and stick to it.  They follow rules. They also fulfill expectations that others have for them.  They love schedules and routines.  They like to know what is expected of them and don’t like to make mistakes.

Weaknesses:  Upholders don’t like to have their schedules changed.  They are uncomfortable if they can’t follow the rules or expectations teachers or others have put on them.  They want to follow them whether they are sensible or not. They don’t like change and can be inflexible and rigid.

Dealing with an Upholder Child

Parents may enjoy having children who are Upholders because they don’t have to nag them about doing homework or practicing the piano. They plan ahead and have their softball equipment ready and like to arrive at school on time or even early.

The Upholder child doesn’t like to change his schedule.  If he needs to read 30 minutes a day for school he has a hard time letting that go if a busy day prohibits it. He has a hard time letting a task go not quite completed such as a book report project he feels he needs more time on.

Be careful about unintentionally adding an expectation or suggesting unnecessary rules.  An upholder child will exert a lot of energy toward trying to meet it.  The author states that an offhand remark like, “you should enter the spelling bee” might set off an unintended stressful chain reaction.

In dealing with an Upholder child, address his tendency value: “You like to do things that are expected of you”, “you like to be on time”, or “you like to finish your projects”.  But then address the issue in a logical way such as, “your teacher will understand that you can only read 15 minutes on some days”, or “it’s more important to go the speed limit and be safe than to be extra early to school”.

The Questioner Tendency

We all have inner expectations—things we want to do, and outer expectations—what others want us to do.  Questioners only do things that are inner expectations and only those outer expectations that they have turned into inner expectations.  Questioners want information, logic and efficiency.  They want to gather the facts and decide for themselves if something is legitimate to do, the best thing to buy, or the right thing to follow. They like logical conclusions and will research options until they are convinced.

Strengths:  Once Questioners are resolved to do something, they follow through and are reliable. They don’t just accept the traditional way to do things, so may come up with new solutions to problems or situations.

Weaknesses:  When Questioners don’t accept the justification for an expectation, they refuse to meet it.  Rules may seem arbitrary or make no sense.  When wanting to purchase an item, they may research and question so much, they can’t come to a conclusion and make a decision.

Dealing with a Questioner Child

A child who is a questioner does not accept phrases like, “because I said so”, or that’s the rule”. Questioners want to understand the “why” of doing something, and once they do, they are more willing to comply.  Why is piano practicing important?  Why should I learn the multiplication tables? Why does my school require uniforms?

Parents or teachers who are dealing with a child’s refusal to do something should find out why the child is refusing, then help the child understand the reasons behind the issue.  Help him find the justification for doing what he doesn’t want to do.  Why do I have to sit in my car seat?   Because it’s the law and you don’t want Mommy to have to pay a fine.  Why do I have to eat my vegetables?  Because they will make you healthy and strong so you can hit a home run some day.

The Obliger Tendency

Throughout a day, week and month, people are always asking us to do things.  The Obliger can accomplish things someone else asks her to do, but has a hard time meeting expectations that only she puts on herself.  For example, when you were in school, you could meet your English deadlines, but now you have a hard time consistently writing in your journal.

Obligers needs accountability.  Someone who is expecting them to bring them the results they’ve asked for.  If you are on a team and training for a game, you don’t want to let your teammates down, so you run every morning.  But after the season is over, you can’t get yourself to run anymore.  The accountability has disappeared.

Strengths:  Obligers get things done!  They volunteer, help out, and meet deadlines.  They make great leaders, team members, friends and family members.

Weaknesses:  Obligers have a hard time meeting their own needs and desires.  They need to feel accountable to someone in order to meet the goals they’ve set for themselves.  This is my tendency.  I used to always announce to my children that I would give them $10 if they saw me eat any more cookies the rest of the day.  Then it was easy for me to not eat any more.

If Obligers get overwhelmed by constant demands they are trying to meet of others, they can have a meltdown—which is usually not pretty.  They go into Obliger-Rebellion and resist doing anything.   Family members need to be aware of Obligers in their home, and help them not get overwhelmed, by helping them say “no” when necessary.  They can also provide accountability to help them reach their goals.

Dealing with an Obliger Child

I was delighted to read the author’s example when dealing with an Obliger child (which she says is sometimes hard to pick out).  She gave the example of piano practicing and said there needs to be accountability like having a practice chart, a parent’s gentle reminder or a teacher who says, “I can tell if you’ve been practicing or not.”

Help your Obliger child create accountability by enrolling him in classes, making job charts, having family rules, etc.  But be aware so your child does not begin feeling overwhelmed by meeting everyone’s needs but his own.

The Rebel Tendency

Rebels don’t want anyone telling them what to do, including themselves! They resist all efforts when someone asks them to do something and have a hard time getting themselves to do something they want to do.  For Rebels, being able to choose and have freedom of self-expression is vitally important. They respond better to people asking their opinion rather than being told to do something.

Strengths:  They don’t cave into peer pressure.  They enjoy meeting challenges especially when someone says it will be too hard to do. Rebels do things their way and want their lives to exhibit their values.

Weaknesses:  Rebels don’t like to be told to do something and resist commands and control over themselves.  They want to do things in their own way and in their own time.  They have a hard time sticking to a schedule.

Dealing with a Rebel Child (my daughter prefers to call them Strong-willed children and I agree)

Strong-willed children are hard to deal with. They want to make their own choices.  The best way to handle them is to give them information, tell them what the consequences are, and let them make their choice. And don’t watch them—then they think there is an expectation and will rebel and not choose.

Strong-willed children need to feel the consequence of their choices, be it good or bad. Strong-willed  children are motivated by identity.  Explain the situation:  “When you’re always late and delay our leaving, I feel like I can’t trust you.  Do you want to be trustworthy or not--your choice."  Make things fun for the strong-willed child.  Make up games when you’re brushing your child’s teeth or sing silly songs.  Strong-willed children like challenges: “Bet you can’t get dressed before Daddy does”.  Let them choose: “You can eat a snack, do your homework now, and then play before dinner or you can eat a snack and play first.  But if you don’t finish your homework before dinner, you will have to finish it after dinner and not have time for me to play a game with you before bedtime.  It’s your choice.” Then allow them time and space to make their choice.

In reviewing how to deal with children in these four tendencies, it seems to me that parents should use lots of common sense.  It shouldn’t be a nerve wrecking decision trying to decide what is the correct thing to say to your obliger child compared to what to say to your strong -willed child.  Good parenting  techniques cover all types and personalities of children.  In summary, here are some basic, sound ideas that work well in dealing with any and all types of children:

1.       Explain the situation to your child when a conflict arises.  Appeal to his sense of value.

2.       Listen to your child to understand what his needs are that are not being met.

3.       Explain the “why” behind rules and “why” you are asking for a certain behavior from your child.

4.       Make charts and give positive reinforcement to help establish new habits and outcomes.

5.       Give information, consequences and choice to your child.

6.       Let your child suffer the consequences of his choice and actions.

7.       Have fun with your child, make up games and challenges to spice up daily routines.

I hope this information has been helpful.  Now apply it to your spouse!

Thanks for reading,

Cathy

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Parenting Tip - Good Things to Listen To

Here's part of an email I recently sent to my children/spouses.  I thought you might be interested in it too.

Hi Family,
I've been trying to find good things to watch and good things to listen to--as well as good things to read.  It's hard sometimes to find those things, but I've bumped into a few good podcasts and talks that I have really loved and thought I would share them with you. I think it is really important for us to fill our minds with positive, inspiring thoughts and ideas.  Thoughts lead to actions, as we've been taught.  It's also important to ponder on them throughout the day---I mean those tiny moments when there is a lack of children clamoring for your attention.

           I love to listen to these podcasts when I go to the gym:
           Gretchen Rubins and her sister's podcast.  Here's a sample of recent podcasts:
Episode 126: Look for an under-used area of your house, find ways to mark sad anniversaries in a happy way, and strategies to deal with the challenge of perfectionism.

Podcast 121: How to get more reading done, an interview with Sam Walker about the qualities of the world’s best captains, and a car-related travel hack.

The Simple Show.  This next month or so they are talking about how to say "no" to things, which means you are saying "yes" to better  things.

         Ep. 87: When to Quit
        Ep. 88: No & Yes

A friend passed out a link to a talk she liked in RS on Sunday.  I listened to it and realized BYUtv has a link to lots of BYU Women's Conference talks, which I have loved listening to.  Well, I've only listened to two so far, but loved both of them.  The link that was passed out on Sunday was to Sister Eubanks, which was really good.  This link is to the talk by Sister Causse, who is wife to the Presiding Bishop of the Church.  She has a delightful French accent and talks about their experiences and I LOVED her talk.

 When do I have time to listen to a talk or podcast, you're probably thinking.  Here are some ideas:

• while getting dressed and fixing your hair
• driving in the car
• on Sundays
• before you go to bed
• while crocheting, knitting, drawing, etc
• while feeding toddlers their breakfast or lunch
• first thing in the morning
• while cooking dinner
• at the gym or while exercising

Ear phones are great inventions as are cell phones and laptops that are portable.

I'm up for more ideas on what to listen to or watch.  So please share good things you've read and how you fit it into your schedule.

Thanks for reading,

Cathy
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Parenting Tip - How to Build and Uplift Your Children

In Moses chapter 1 we learn of the vision Moses received where he saw God face to face and talked with Him.  God showed Moses the workmanship of His hands.  He told Moses that he was in the similitude of His Only Begotten.  He showed Moses the world and the ends thereof and all the children of men.  He called Moses His son, over and over again.  Moses marveled and wondered.

God was enlarging and expanding Moses' understanding.  He was showing Moses who he really was (a son of His) and what his potential could be.  That's what God does for all His children including you and me.  He lifts, builds and enlarges the soul.  He encourages us and He even gives uplifting nicknames as He did to some of his disciples....Peter the Rock, James the son of Zebedee and his brother John, the Sons of Thunder, John the Beloved.

As parents, do our words build, uplift and encourage our children?  Do our words show them their great potential? Do we sprinkle character building thoughts throughout our conversations?
          Sarah, my faithful daughter.
          Jason, my creative son.
          James, my quick to obey son.
Do we label our children's actions to help them see who they are becoming and what their potential is?
           Macy, look at how you obeyed me when I asked you to put away your toys.
           You're right, Craig, you do have a lot a math.  What courage you're showing right now to begin it.
           That was a creative way to solve your problem, David.
           It's hard to stop playing right now Wendy, but see how you can do hard things!

The scriptures can teach us how to become good parents and we can pattern ourselves after the Perfect Parent.

Thanks for reading, you may be interested in listening to this talk, which is where I got my ideas from.

Cathy



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Parenting Tip - Focus on the Positive!

A friend talked to me about one of her daughters.  She was worried about this child, who seemed to get mad, stay mad, refuse to talk about her feelings or problems and said negative things to her brother and sister. As my friend worried about the situation, she became more and more fearful and envisioned this daughter as a teenager experiencing a multitude of anger issues and acting out behavior.  This mom was scared and didn't know what to do.

Then a couple of days later, my friend related how she had suddenly "come to her senses."  She thought about her daughter and all the great characteristics and talents she had.  She remembered how her daughter loved to be active and liked to play outside or go on walks.  She remembered how her daughter was constantly playing the piano and enjoyed playing church songs.  She remembered how funny her daughter was and how thoughtful she was.  She remembered that her daughter had come home from school one day saying she needed to choose a new friend because her present friend was mean and said bad things to other kids.

This mom had been distracted by her daughter's immaturity on one level and had forgotten all about  the other wonderful traits she had.  As she focused on the negative aspects of her daughter's personality, the negative was all she could see.  But as soon as she started to focus on the positive characteristics of her daughter, my friend said she felt relieved, light hearted and saw many, many good qualities in her daughter.

She started inviting her daughter to run with her, since she had keyed into the fact that her daughter needed and liked physical exercise.  She started complimenting her daughter on her piano playing, and started giving her hugs and more positive attention.  And this daughter flourished--because her  mom focused on the positive instead of the negative.

Thanks for reading,
Cathy
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Parenting Tip - Go Ahead and Use That Cell Phone!

Technology is here to stay and it just keeps getting better and smarter.  We can stay in the dark ages and fall behind the times, we can worry and fret about the bad uses of technology, or we can educate our children (and ourselves) and use technology!

I could not see the advantage of having a "smart phone" and was content to keep using my old cell phone.  I have a computer at home, I teach from home and I stay at home quite a bit, so why not just use my computer for all my internet needs?  But my children and friends told me once I bought a smart phone, I would immediately see the advantage and wonder how I got along without it.

They were right!  I LOVE my smart phone and use it all the time, especially to stay in touch with family and friends.  But I also use it when I teach piano and music classes.

I especially LOVE to use my phone when I'm around my grandchildren.  I take way too many photos and videos of them, but it's so easy to delete the ones I don't want, and it's so fun to utilize the ones I do want.

Not only is the camera fun to use on a cell phone, but I love using the video recorder and voice recorder.

Here are some ways I've taken technology and used it to enhance my fun--yes my fun!
Video recordings of:
1.  my grandchildren digging holes in the back yard, putting on puppet shows, dancing, coloring with chalk on sidewalk, singing
2.  my 92 year old father telling stories of his childhood on his dairy farm 
3.  my grandchildren making a "how to" video, such as "how to make a peanut butter sandwich"
4.  my piano students playing a piece, then uploading it to my private you tube channel so their family and friends can see it
5.  my banjo teacher showing me a new lick to learn on the banjo
6.  Church children singing a song that I sent to a sick teacher
7.  and of course, a million jumping on the trampoline stunts!

But here's the thing I love about using videos and having your cell phone so accessible.  You can use it to STOP TEMPER TANTRUMS, KEEP KIDS QUIET IN CRITICAL SITUATIONS, OR _________________ (you fill in). 

 

Scene: Grandson, Tac, is playing the piano, but grandson, Asher wants to play it. Tension is building!

Dialogue--- Me: [Look how Asher's] waiting patiently.  Notice he's not crying.  He's frustrated and he wishes his brother would hurry up but he's patiently waiting. 

Asher:  No, I'm not!

                                               (Well, at least he's not crying and hitting his brother!)

IDEA:  Video record or snap a picture of your children doing what you want them to do.  In other words, be positive and focus on the short times you catch them doing what they should be doing or encourage them to start doing it by video taping them.  How about when your children are picking up their toys, brushing their teeth, getting dressed, or practicing an instrument or doing their homework.  Send the video to Dad or grandma.  Make a slide show out of photos.

Here are some ways I've used Voice Recordings:
1.  My text notification is my grandson saying "grandma, you've got a text, grandma, you've got a text"
2.  Me playing a piece on my banjo.  It makes me nervous to record myself, but it helps me get over my nervousness when I record myself several times in a row.  It's a great way to practice for a recital or performance.
3.  My grandson saying words.  He is delayed with his speech, and this is a fun way to help him  practice saying tricky words.
4.  Music groups rehearsing for a performance.

IDEA: Record your child saying his spelling words, reciting a poem, playing a piece of music on his instrument.  Record yourself quoting a scripture you want to memorize, or a mantra to help you during the day.  Record your baby or children laughing.

 So go ahead and use your cell phone.  But make sure YOU are in control of it, not IT in control of you.  Use it for good and worthwhile purposes such as bringing loved ones far away closer to you, or as a teaching tool or as positive reinforcement.

What are some ways you have used your cell phone to help yourself or your family?

Thanks for reading,

Cathy
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Music Tip - Be a Cheerleader

One of my piano moms sent me a link to this piano post on a piano teacher's blog.  I thought it was such a good idea, I decided to talk about it too.

It seems that children who are in sports have a lot of parental and family support.  Their parents take them to practices, and many times the Dads are even the coaches, with the whole family coming out to the ball games or swimming/gymnastic meets.  It's a fun, busy time of year for the families, with grandparents also attending the weekly games.

But what about the poor, lonely piano student?  He/she gets dropped off at the teacher's house, gets nagged at every day to practice, and then has family support once a year at a piano recital.  No wonder so many children quit music lessons.

I've always pictured parents as being the cheerleaders for their children.  They encourage them, support them, tell them how great they are and attend all their activities.  But sometimes parents need to step up their cheerleading routines to keep their children interested and progressing in their music lessons.

Some parents have told me they dance while their child is practicing the piano.  One mother said she does her daughter's turn of dish washing in return for piano practicing.  One family said their 3 year old comes running into the piano room from wherever he's been in the house, just to sing along with one of the songs he really likes that his brother plays.  Another mother always stopped by Seven 11 and bought her daughter a muffin after her early morning cello lesson.  All these families are being cheerleaders.

It doesn't take much to be a cheerleader.  You just need to know how to:
                                              

• smile
• jump up and down
• be enthusiastic
• call out chants
• clap
• always be positive

Speaking of chants, how about:
2,4,6,8
who do we appreciate?
______________________ piano playing!
(your child's name)


Enjoy being a cheerleader this week!

Thanks for reading,

Cathy

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Parenting Tip - What Matters Most?

School has started for some moms around here, but summer is winding down for others, with school just around the corner.  It's time for a new season, new routines and time to re-evaluate goals you've set.

(The cones are a family tradition that my son's children look forward to.  It's a German tradition when a child starts kindergarten to be given a "Schultute"--school cone.  My daughter-in-law fills the cones with treats like ring pops and fun school and/or art supplies).

I'm in a new season myself, just having retired from teaching music part time at school for the last 15 years.  What do I do with my two extra free days now?   Oooooo, I can think of a millions things to do.  But what are the things that matter most?

I listened again to a wonderful talk by Dieter F. Uchtdorf who talks about "things that matter most".
He listed four key relationships we need to develop: with our God, with our families, with our fellowman, and with ourselves.

Sometimes I get so bogged down with my "to do" list, that I lose sight of what should be at the top of my "to do" list and what really only needs to be on my "to do" list. [Funny side note.  The first week of my retirement I started enthusiastically, and somewhat frantically, making a list of all the things I wanted to do now.  After writing down 19 things, I felt such relief in knowing that now, I could be focused on how to use my time.  I texted my daughter and said how good that felt to write out my list.  She replied saying that she must be my daughter, because that's exactly what she does all the time too--make lists!]

But, as Elder Uchtdorf says, "Let’s be honest; it’s rather easy to be busy. We all can think up a list of tasks that will overwhelm our schedules. Some might even think that their self-worth depends on the length of their to-do list."

Ouch!  So back to my list to re-evaluate what falls under the four relationships mentioned above and what is just busy work, taking me away from what matters most.

Perhaps you could evaluate this new season in your life.  Do you still have preschoolers at home?  Are all your children in school now?  Are you home schooling your children?  Are you babysitting to make a little more money?

Regardless of your situation, you can still focus on the four above mentioned areas of your life to see if you are working on your important relationships.  Relationship with your God:  maybe that only means 10 minutes of scripture/meditation a day, but 10 minutes times 365 days is 3,650 minutes which is more than 60 hours which is 2 1/2 days.  Just think of the love, wisdom and advice you could get from your Father who loves you, if He talked to just you for 2 1/2 days straight.

Relationship with your family.  Well, that's vital to your family's health and well being.  Plan your together time with family wisely.  Use driving in the car time to listen to your children.  Look into your child's eyes when he is telling you about his day (uummm.... not while driving though).  Problem solve meal times so they are more pleasant. Let your child read to you.

Relationship with your fellowman.  Volunteer at school, only if it's to send cookies for a party.  Be dependable in your service at Church.  Smile at the cashier and wave to your neighbor.  These seemingly small things do count--especially if your season of life limits any big projects of service.

Relationship with yourself.  Elder Uchtdorf said,  "Some people can’t get along with themselves. They criticize and belittle themselves all day long until they begin to hate themselves. May I suggest that you reduce the rush and take a little extra time to get to know yourself better. Walk in nature, watch a sunrise, enjoy God’s creations, ponder the truths of the restored gospel, and find out what they mean for you personally. Learn to see yourself as Heavenly Father sees you—as His precious daughter or son with divine potential."

 It's a new season.  Find out what matters most in your life, then DO IT!

Thanks for reading,

Cathy

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Parenting Tip - A Win-Win Technique

My daughter in law was telling me what a great Dad my son is and how good his parenting skills are.  She told me about a major conflict they were going to have with their 10 year old son who had saved up his money to buy a certain video game.  But she said Ammon, my son, had handled it so well, that there was no issue or fight after all. 

 

When their son, Jonas, bought the video game, they discovered it had a lot of violence that they weren’t aware of, and they quickly saw how addicting the game was and how it was causing problems.  Ammon sat down with Jonas and calmly pointed out that there were issues with the video game that they needed to problem solve.  Then he listed the problems, which were the violence and wanting to spend too much time playing the game and not doing homework and chores.  

Ammon asked Jonas what he thought they could do about it.  Jonas quickly replied that there were restrictions that could be put on the levels to avoid too much violence.  Then he thought, and said, “Well, I don’t really have any time to play it except on Wed afternoons and Saturdays, so maybe I could just play it on those days and not the rest of the week.”

My grandson came up with good solutions for the problems and since he helped create the rules surrounding the playing of the video game, he was willing to stick with the rules.

What a great parenting technique to use when family problems arise.  Let the children help problem solve the issues—then they feel like their ideas and feelings are respected by their parents and they are willing to cooperate and in turn, respect their parents’ feelings and ideas.  It’s a win-win situation.

So many issues can be problem solved this way, from how to get ready for school on time to bedtime routines, or homework or bath time conflicts. Kids are creative and often have great solutions that we haven’t even thought about.

Have you had your children help problem solve areas of conflict?  I love the ideas kids come up with. My children were willing to practice the piano for a box of cereal of their choice--the sugary kind I usually wouldn't buy.  Easy way to get piano practicing done!

Share with us what things have worked with your family.

Thanks for reading,

Cathy

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Parenting Tip - Enjoy them before they're gone

When I see videos like this one, I usually think, "Yeah, right.  That never happens." 

But why shouldn't it happen?  Our children are the dearest and most important people in our life.  They stay young for only a very short time.  You never get that time in their life back again.  You never can see them and hold them as a baby again, or watch them pretend and use their imagination. Oh, how I wish I could hold each of my babies again and cuddle them for one more day.  [Hey, that sounds like an interesting movie plot...... ]

When your children are teenagers you need to enjoy them too.  Appreciate the growth they're going through, the independence they're learning to use; be there to encourage them, cheer them on and love them unconditionally.  And remember, you won't have them at this age for very long either.

We know that change is inevitable.  So embrace it, expect it, and live today for the pure joy you find in it. Go hold your baby, play with your toddler, talk and listen to your teenager.  Who knows, maybe some day someone will make a video about YOU!

Thanks for reading,

Cathy

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Parenting Tip - Be a Positive Ostinato

Last year I wrote a post about musical ostinati (Oct 22, 2011).  An ostinato is a repeated pattern.  Ostinati is the plural. An ostinato adds life and interest and rhythm to a piece of music.

At school my students play ostinati a lot on percussion or barred instruments to accompany folk songs and chants.  But they never remember what an ostinato is. Last year I finally figured out a way to teach them what an ostinato is by having them sing a silly song about it.  And it worked.  They all remember the definition, now, and sing it anytime I say the word ostinato.

It occurred to me that as parents we use ostinati a lot. We repeat ourselves over and over throughout the day:
"Hang up your clothes, hang up your clothes, hang up your clothes."
"Do your homework, Do your homework, Do your homework."
"Stop fighting,  Stop fighting, Stop fighting."

But what if we were a positive ostinato?
"Thanks for obeying so quickly, Thanks for obeying so quickly, Thanks for obeying so quickly."
"You did a nice job on that, You did a nice job on that, You did a nice job on that."
 "I love you, I love you, I love you."

Saying the same thing over and over again--being an ostinato--is a good thing.  If you're positive.  So go ahead and repeat yourself.  Repeat yourself.  Repeat yourself.  You're adding to the music in your home with an upbeat positive rhythm.

Thanks for reading,

Cathy
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Music Tip - Not Ring Around the Rosies, but Ring Around the Finger

I like to help my piano students stay focused when we are working on a problem they are having.  But sometimes merely telling them what to do doesn't sink it into their little minds.  That's when I like to use props that are fun and will help them stay focused.

Rings - I find fun rings and use them for many purposes.  I just found some cute ones at Pretty Party Place that have googly eyes on them. 

Use rings to:
*remind a finger to sharp or flat an upcoming note
*keep correct shape of fingers and thumb (curved or standing up)
*remind a finger that keeps forgetting to play when it should
*practice finger numbers (i.e. thumb=1, pointer=2)
*practice skipping fingers
*practice playing chords 

Bracelets - I looked for several weeks for those slap bracelets that used to be popular.  I just found them at JoAnn's in neon colors. 

Use bracelets to:
*remind wrist to stay up (as opposed to "don't let the wrist fall down"--always say the directions or reminders in a positive statement)
*remind the hand to bring out the melody or perhaps to play softer
*remind arm to relax
*practice a phrase or note pattern

Now how can I use these rings or bracelets to help ME with my problems?  Put rings on every finger so when I open the refrigerator to eat something I'll see them and stop?  Hmmm....I'll have to think on that one.




Thanks for reading,
 Cathy



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Parenting Tip - Cooperation!

I had a conversation with a fellow teacher at school the other day.  We were talking about children.  My children are all grown and I mentioned that it was so fun because they are my friends now.  Her children are in their teens and suddenly she has become the “policeman” and doesn’t enjoy the easy relationship they use to have.  She gets tired of being the parent who has to constantly monitor the video game playing and curfews and such.  She has become the “bad guy”.

 

That’s a hard time of life to go through when your children are learning how to become more independent. They want and demand lots of independence, yet they don’t quite know how to manage it.  Here’s some ideas on how you can keep a good relationship with your children through all the turmoil and growing up you all will experience.

 

Treat your children with respect.  They are people, albeit immature people.  They have feelings and want to be understood, so don’t talk down to them.  Don’t lecture and issue commands for them to follow.

 

Instead,

 

Talk with them.  Understand their needs.  Tell them your needs.  It all goes back to Sesame Street and kindergarten when your child learned about COOPERATION.  Both children AND parents need to cooperate with each other.

 

Case in point:  video games.  Your son wants to play them nonstop.  You hate them.  Cooperate.  Talk about your child’s daily schedule and what needs to be done at what time.  How much time is there for playing video games each day?  Do other things need to be accomplished first, like chores, homework, etc?  Is there a way your son can earn more time to play---say by doing an extra job around the yard or house?

 

Above all, listen to how you talk to your children.  Don’t be sarcastic, demeaning, demanding, or derogatory.  Talk with love in your voice and your child will talk back to you that way.  And if she doesn’t, then sit down with her and express your love and concern and desire to work things out so you both feel happy about the situation.

 

Parenting IS work.  But oh, so rewarding when you invest the best of you and appreciate the best in your child.