Parenting Tip - What Do You Say No and Yes To?

I've been listening to The Simple Show podcast for several months now and love it. It's a great walking-in-the-morning companion.  For the past little while, they have had a segment where Tsh Oxenreider, the host, and her friends discuss what they say NO and YES to on different topics.  It has made me stop and think about what I say no and yes to.  There is always a trade off--when you say no to something, it opens up your life to say yes to something else.  And vice versa.  So here are a few of the things I say NO and YES to.  Not by topic, but by what comes to my mind.

I say YES to nature.  I am somehow intrinsically bound to the weather and outside.  I open the door to check the weather each morning and I'm immediately happy when I see cloudy, stormy weather (I live in Arizona--enough said).  Because of saying yes to nature, I hike a lot with a hiking friend.  I have to.  I have to get outside and enjoy the cacti, clouds and beauty.  It's also a healthy mental outlet that I need.

I say YES to sunsets.  I check the sunsets in the evenings and randomly send out "sunset alerts" to my friends and family when I see a beautiful one.  And they send them back to me, by the way.  I say YES to stopping life and standing outside and looking at a sunset.

I say YES to grandchildren.  I am a child at heart still and love to watch children play.  I say yes to buying toys that let them use their imaginations. Lately I've been stalking the thrift stores for firefighter coats and hats.  I even converted one of our sheds into "The Kid's Club House" where last night my 7 year old grandson creatively hot glued small rocks onto a paper cup to make a fairy house.

I say YES to learning.  For the past 4 years I have been learning to play the banjo.  I learned to play the ukulele and teach it now.  I want to learn to play the mandolin and my children are buying me one for Christmas (I hope).  I've always wanted to learn to draw, so this year I have been taking an online art class.  I'm still not good at drawing, but I'm getting a lot better at lettering and doodling--which is what the class was about.  I'm thinking of taking an online watercolor class next year.
       
Now what do I say No to?

I say NO to feeling guilty about things.  This is an ongoing process but at my age, you would think I would have my act together.  Not so.  I have to continually analyze my actions and thoughts and specifically tell myself to not feel guilty about a situation or event.

I say NO to wasting time.  That doesn't mean I don't sit down and read a book, or look at Facebook.  But I try to organize myself to accomplish good things during the day--and evenings.  I cut down the time I spend on the internet randomly surfing and following mindless links and videos.

I say NO to shopping sales and ads.  When I need to buy clothing, I'll buy it.  If I shop all the ads, I tend to spend when I don't really need something. When I look at the ads and specials I find that I start wanting things I never knew I wanted or needed before.

I say NO to a life of misery, unhappiness or just going with the flow.  If I'm down I analyze why and try to change my attitude.  One of my favorite quotations is this one by Pres. Hinkley that is on my living room wall. 

I want to live my life so that at the end of it, I can look back on all the fun experiences I have had with family, grandchildren, friends and others.  I want to look back on the meaningful service I have given and the heart to heart talks I have had with loved ones.  I want to live an intentional life, not one that has just happened randomly as life went by.

This has been fun for me to think about what I say NO and YES to.  It really helps to put things in perspective and helps me realize what my values are.  It makes me stronger and more diligent in wanting to keep my "nos" and "yeses" intact (how do I spell that, anyway?).  I am living an intentional life.  I love that feeling.

It's something I say YES to.

Thanks for reading,

Cathy

PS What a great experience it would be to talk as a family or as a husband/wife about what you say no and yes to.  It helps you get on the same page.  It helps you solidify what you want to happen in your family, how you want to spend your money and what experiences you want for yourself and your children.   It clarifies your values and beliefs and aligns your actions to those values. Say YES and see what happens!

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Parenting Tip - Good Things to Listen To

Here's part of an email I recently sent to my children/spouses.  I thought you might be interested in it too.

Hi Family,
I've been trying to find good things to watch and good things to listen to--as well as good things to read.  It's hard sometimes to find those things, but I've bumped into a few good podcasts and talks that I have really loved and thought I would share them with you. I think it is really important for us to fill our minds with positive, inspiring thoughts and ideas.  Thoughts lead to actions, as we've been taught.  It's also important to ponder on them throughout the day---I mean those tiny moments when there is a lack of children clamoring for your attention.

           I love to listen to these podcasts when I go to the gym:
           Gretchen Rubins and her sister's podcast.  Here's a sample of recent podcasts:
Episode 126: Look for an under-used area of your house, find ways to mark sad anniversaries in a happy way, and strategies to deal with the challenge of perfectionism.

Podcast 121: How to get more reading done, an interview with Sam Walker about the qualities of the world’s best captains, and a car-related travel hack.

The Simple Show.  This next month or so they are talking about how to say "no" to things, which means you are saying "yes" to better  things.

         Ep. 87: When to Quit
        Ep. 88: No & Yes

A friend passed out a link to a talk she liked in RS on Sunday.  I listened to it and realized BYUtv has a link to lots of BYU Women's Conference talks, which I have loved listening to.  Well, I've only listened to two so far, but loved both of them.  The link that was passed out on Sunday was to Sister Eubanks, which was really good.  This link is to the talk by Sister Causse, who is wife to the Presiding Bishop of the Church.  She has a delightful French accent and talks about their experiences and I LOVED her talk.

 When do I have time to listen to a talk or podcast, you're probably thinking.  Here are some ideas:

• while getting dressed and fixing your hair
• driving in the car
• on Sundays
• before you go to bed
• while crocheting, knitting, drawing, etc
• while feeding toddlers their breakfast or lunch
• first thing in the morning
• while cooking dinner
• at the gym or while exercising

Ear phones are great inventions as are cell phones and laptops that are portable.

I'm up for more ideas on what to listen to or watch.  So please share good things you've read and how you fit it into your schedule.

Thanks for reading,

Cathy
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Parenting Tip - What Would Happen If....

One of my favorite things to do with grandchildren (or any children for that matter) is play the "which would you rather" game.

Which would you rather......go swimming or play at the park?
Which would you rather......eat an ice cream cone or lick a sucker?

You can find out a lot about your children/grandchildren's tastes and interests by asking questions like these.

Recently I read another fun game here that fosters imagination.

What would happen if......everyone had 4 arms?
What would happen if......toys grew on trees?

Your child has to think and imagine the scenarios of these questions--which is a great cognitive skill.

Researchers are studying children and their imaginations and hoping that will help in understanding children with autism. In an article on children's "magical thinking", Dr. Harris states, "there is evidence that imagination and role play appears to have a key role in helping children take someone else's perspective. Kids with autism, on the other hand, don't engage in much pretend play, leading some to suggest that the lack of such activity contributes to their social deficits." 

Interesting! Can you help an autistic child learn to imagine things? Would that stimulate part of the injured brain and help repair it?


The Reader's Digest had an article that listed 5 benefits of encouraging your child's imagination.  I especially liked this one:

     Work out fears
     Playing pretend can help children work out their fears and worries. When children    role-play about the big, bad monster under the bed, they gain a sense of control over him and he doesn’t seem quite so big or so bad. Imaginative play also helps kids vent confusing feelings they might have, such as anger toward a parent or rivalry with a new sibling.

      To encourage your youngster’s imagination, read to him every day. Books offer  children the opportunity to visit other worlds and create new ones of their own.

I read a fun book this week to a music class of children/parents called, "Cows Can't Fly" by David Milgrim.  I had two of the older siblings play funny sounds on a keyboard after every stanza, which really added to the fun.  Then I encouraged the children to close their eyes and visualize cows flying in the sky.  I asked them what color their cows were and what they looked like.  Then I challenged them to go home and draw some cows flying.  

I was delighted to have one of my students, Clark, age 8, come back later in the day for his piano lesson, with his picture of cows that were white with blue polka dots.

*  Encourage your children to use their imagination by not providing them with lots of toys.  I loved watching my two preschool age daughters play secretary one day many years ago, using bananas as their telephones.

*  Encourage imaginations by reading to your children.  Every so often have them draw something related to the book.  

*  This site has lots of fun ideas to encourage your children's imaginations, with many ideas requiring nothing but talking with your child--like "Mouse-Eye View, and If Pickles Could Talk.  What a great way to keep your child quiet and busy while waiting in the doctor's office or grocery store line. 

I love this quote by George S. Patton "If everyone is thinking alike, then somebody isn't thinking."

And this by Walt Disney, "I only hope that we don't lose sight of one thing - that it was all started by a mouse."  I think that is hilarious and yet, profound.

Thanks for reading,

Cathy

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I only hope that we don't lose sight of one thing - that it was all started by a mouse.
Read more at http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/topics/topic_imagination.html#QYOlW4ulVoMzsHOz.99

I only hope that we don't lose sight of one thing - that it was all started by a mouse.
Read more at http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/topics/topic_imagination.html#QYOlW4ulVoMzsHOz.99

I only hope that we don't lose sight of one thing - that it was all started by a mouse.
Read more at http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/topics/topic_imagination.html#QYOlW4ulVoMzsHOz.99

Parenting Tip - September is International Literacy Month

September is International Literacy month!  What a great reminder about the importance of reading.

 

With school in full swing, children are studying and learning and reading.  But don't forget about reading as a family.  You can give your children fond memories and the gift of knowledge and success just by reading aloud.

This site has a list of 100 best books for children listed by age groups.

Jim Trelease, the advocate for reading aloud to children, has a great website with lots of information for parents.

This site offers a list of all the Newberry Award Books from 1922 to present.

Here is a list of all the Caldecott Winners 1938 to present.

The International Children's Digital Library is a digital library of outstanding children's books from around the world.

 May your children be able to say....."richer than I you can never be --I had a Mother who read to me.

Thanks for "reading"!

Cathy 

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Parenting Tip - Save the Cookie Cutters for Cookies

Cookie cutters.  Metal or plastic shapes devised to cut out cookies so they will all turn out uniform and identical. 

 

Mothers.  Teachers of offspring, responsible for teaching them to become law abiding and loving citizens.

 

Does our society produce cookie cutter mothers?  Do we put pressure on ourselves to become a cookie cutter mother? Do we look at our neighbors and try to mother the way they do?    Do we try to get our children to look the same way? Act the same way? Be involved in the same activities?

 

Every family is different because the make up the family—the Mom and Dad and children—are different.  Celebrate these differences!

 

Are you a Mom who is active and likes sports?  Then run and swim and dance and have fun with your children.

 

Are you a Mom who loves to draw and paint?  Then get out the crayons, markers, and play dough and draw and sculpt with your children.  Have fun being an artist.

 

Are you a Mom who loves to read?  Then read with your children.  Go to the library or sit at home and read, and laugh and share books.

 

Are you a Mom who doesn’t know what she likes to do or is good at?  Then explore.  Go to the park and play, go to the library and read, go to the museum and discover new ideas.  Involve your children in your discovery.

 

Be a mother YOUR way.  Be a mother who lets her children discover THEIR way. Put blinders on what the other mothers are doing that cause you guilt and envy.  Allow them to be mothers in their own way and take advantage of your differences.

 

                                               Be a MOM and enjoy doing it YOUR way!

 

 

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Parenting Tip #85 Structure your summer with Categories!

One month of summer is gone already! Having gone through many-a summer myself, with many-a child, here are some things I found to be helpful. Maybe one of them will help you.

You need to have some sort of structure for summer to run smoothly (plus plenty of food!) I don’t like a lot of structure, but I do like categories. Thinking and organizing your day in categories might help you feel like you have more control over the summer situation. And it helps your children feel structure in their day. You may want to have all these categories every day, or have just a few each day.

reading time- Have your children find a funny place to read--like in the bathtub with pillows or in the closet with a flashlight. You might include some snacks. Stretch reading time out to 45-60 minutes depending on your children’s ages. And enjoy reading WITH them, too.

art time-structured or creative.  Have lots of markers, paper, glue sticks and anything else you can find.  Glue beans on a paper to spell names/words. Glue yarn in fun designs on paper.  Sew designs on paper with the sewing machine (with no thread in it)

inventive/creative time-create something with recycled objects or objects found in the backyard, boxes, cardboard, whatever



toy time-play with toys that have been put away so they seem new now, or toys in the bottom of the closet. How about trading toys with a friend.



bored time-Let children be bored. Encourage them to create a game using socks, or popcycle sticks. How about playing school, or bank or library. Play alligator by spreading pillows or cushions on the floor (you have to jump from cushion to cushion or the alligator will get you).
Cleaning time- Let children declutter their drawers. Give child a squirt bottle and a fun sponge and let them wash doors, and fingerprints. How about ice skating on a wet wash cloth to mop the floor?

Computer time-Make this a short and directed time length. You probably already know where lots of educational websites are.
Snack time- Cut an apple in half, scoop out the core and spoon in tuna fish or peanut butter. Freeze grapes or banana slices. Make watermelon popcycles by inserting sticks or toothpicks in chunks of watermelon and freeze



Writing time-Have your children write a book, illustrate a story, or write a memory and send some of them to grandma. Create desks with boxes or as, the baby did, sit in the box.



Water time-Let young children paint with water. Give them a bucket of shallow water and a paint brush and let them paint the patio wall and floor. Please stay with your child while letting them play with water. It takes only a small amount of water for a child to drown in.
Paint rocks with water or fill a large container with water and measuring cups and spoons-children love to fill and dump over and over again. Give your child a cup of ice cubes to play with outside. 



Thanks to my daughter-in-law, Jessica for quickly following through with my plea for pictures to illustrate this blog post.  You can see what kind of mother she is, she's already been doing these things with her kids for years!

Now send me your pictures with your kids illustrating some of the fun ideas you'll come up with and I'll post them.