Parenting Tip - I'm Not in Control Today

Have you ever been in a bad mood?  Out of sorts!  Mad at everyone and everything?!  Having a "terrible, horrible, very bad, no good day"(s)?!

That has happened to me so many times during my life, and I'm sure in your life too.  Sometimes when I stop to analyze my feelings, I find out that why I'm feeling so mean and rotten is because I'm not in control of certain situations in my life.  Things are happening around me that I can't do anything about.  And that feels horrible.

Here are some examples that you might just relate to:
the car needs new tires--no money to pay for them--but it's new tires or an accident's going to happen
your son is dating a girl you don't like
one of your child's teachers require way too much home work, putting lots of pressure on your child
your child has no friends and you don't know what to do about it
you have no closet or storage space in your too small house
your brother has a big gorgeous home with less children and plenty of closet space
your husband is working overtime but you need help with the kids

I could go on and on with the examples, but you get the idea.

This summer when I was in Nauvoo, I was having lots of great experiences, but sometimes not having a lot of fun.  I realized it was because I was not in control of my situation.  I didn't have a car and had to rely on other people to take me where I was suppose to go.  I would make new friends and then they would leave after two weeks to go home.  Then I had to make another friend and arrange for more rides......

So after losing my first new friend when she went home, I analyzed my feelings, realized the problem and wrote this song for myself while I went for my daily walks after lunch one week.

I’m Not in Control

(tune: Mary Had a Little Lamb, minor key)

I’m not in control today

And I guess, that’s okay

I need another’s point of view

I guess they could be right--- it’s true.

I’m not in control today

And I guess, that’s okay

So calm myself and count to ten

Then breathe and count again!

(Major, happy key)

God is in control today

And with that, I’m okay

He sees a broader point of view

His ways are always true!

God is in control today

And with that, I’m okay

His tender mercies help me see

His sweet abiding love for me.

Writing this song really helped me understand that yes, I won't be in control of my situation lots of times in life, but God is always in control.  If I rely on his perspective and ask for guidance, he will help me see and understand what I can do to help myself.  And he always loves me and sends tender mercies if I keep my eyes open to notice them.

I hope you can get control of one of your life situations or at least learn how to deal with it.  When I can't control a situation and change IT,  I try to find something--anything  I can do that I'm totally in charge of.   Then I feel better.  Find a craft or sewing project, do some cooking and baking, or read a book you want to. Going for a walk always helps too.   If all else fails, declutter a drawer or cupboard.  That ALWAYS makes me feel better.  And it's so much easier to do when you're mad, too!

Thanks for reading,

Cathy

PS  Have you read this book lately?

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Parenting Tip - What Do You Say No and Yes To?

I've been listening to The Simple Show podcast for several months now and love it. It's a great walking-in-the-morning companion.  For the past little while, they have had a segment where Tsh Oxenreider, the host, and her friends discuss what they say NO and YES to on different topics.  It has made me stop and think about what I say no and yes to.  There is always a trade off--when you say no to something, it opens up your life to say yes to something else.  And vice versa.  So here are a few of the things I say NO and YES to.  Not by topic, but by what comes to my mind.

I say YES to nature.  I am somehow intrinsically bound to the weather and outside.  I open the door to check the weather each morning and I'm immediately happy when I see cloudy, stormy weather (I live in Arizona--enough said).  Because of saying yes to nature, I hike a lot with a hiking friend.  I have to.  I have to get outside and enjoy the cacti, clouds and beauty.  It's also a healthy mental outlet that I need.

I say YES to sunsets.  I check the sunsets in the evenings and randomly send out "sunset alerts" to my friends and family when I see a beautiful one.  And they send them back to me, by the way.  I say YES to stopping life and standing outside and looking at a sunset.

I say YES to grandchildren.  I am a child at heart still and love to watch children play.  I say yes to buying toys that let them use their imaginations. Lately I've been stalking the thrift stores for firefighter coats and hats.  I even converted one of our sheds into "The Kid's Club House" where last night my 7 year old grandson creatively hot glued small rocks onto a paper cup to make a fairy house.

I say YES to learning.  For the past 4 years I have been learning to play the banjo.  I learned to play the ukulele and teach it now.  I want to learn to play the mandolin and my children are buying me one for Christmas (I hope).  I've always wanted to learn to draw, so this year I have been taking an online art class.  I'm still not good at drawing, but I'm getting a lot better at lettering and doodling--which is what the class was about.  I'm thinking of taking an online watercolor class next year.
       
Now what do I say No to?

I say NO to feeling guilty about things.  This is an ongoing process but at my age, you would think I would have my act together.  Not so.  I have to continually analyze my actions and thoughts and specifically tell myself to not feel guilty about a situation or event.

I say NO to wasting time.  That doesn't mean I don't sit down and read a book, or look at Facebook.  But I try to organize myself to accomplish good things during the day--and evenings.  I cut down the time I spend on the internet randomly surfing and following mindless links and videos.

I say NO to shopping sales and ads.  When I need to buy clothing, I'll buy it.  If I shop all the ads, I tend to spend when I don't really need something. When I look at the ads and specials I find that I start wanting things I never knew I wanted or needed before.

I say NO to a life of misery, unhappiness or just going with the flow.  If I'm down I analyze why and try to change my attitude.  One of my favorite quotations is this one by Pres. Hinkley that is on my living room wall. 

I want to live my life so that at the end of it, I can look back on all the fun experiences I have had with family, grandchildren, friends and others.  I want to look back on the meaningful service I have given and the heart to heart talks I have had with loved ones.  I want to live an intentional life, not one that has just happened randomly as life went by.

This has been fun for me to think about what I say NO and YES to.  It really helps to put things in perspective and helps me realize what my values are.  It makes me stronger and more diligent in wanting to keep my "nos" and "yeses" intact (how do I spell that, anyway?).  I am living an intentional life.  I love that feeling.

It's something I say YES to.

Thanks for reading,

Cathy

PS What a great experience it would be to talk as a family or as a husband/wife about what you say no and yes to.  It helps you get on the same page.  It helps you solidify what you want to happen in your family, how you want to spend your money and what experiences you want for yourself and your children.   It clarifies your values and beliefs and aligns your actions to those values. Say YES and see what happens!

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Parenting Tip - Why Do We Do This to Ourselves??

I did it again.  Started berating myself.  Started feeling guilty.  Asking myself why do I always wait too long to act on my good intentions.

I was suppose to buy fabric or thread or any other numerous things on a list that was going toward a service project my church was doing.  But I didn't read when the deadline was to buy the supplies.  So I missed it.  Too late.  They had everything they already needed donated.  Guilt.

Guilt until I analyzed why I hadn't had time to buy the supplies and then I had to laugh at myself.  Why hadn't I had time?  Because I was giving service that day by babysitting my grandson.  I had also taught a music class for free so we could perform, a musical service, to a retirement home in the near future. 

And I did help sew the items we were donating the next night for 2 1/2 hours.

With the holidays coming, please don't do to yourself what I did.

Be nice to yourself and recognize the good things you are doing.

Thanks for reading,
Cathy

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Parenting Tip - Simplify and Enjoy

After a family dinner last night where we used paper plates--I love them for a quick and easy clean up--my daughter reminisced about how after dinner, my husband would always fold his paper plate in half, then in fourths and stick it in his fork tongs to throw away.  A fun memory of Dad that we saw him do over and over every night--never realizing that after he was gone, this would become a cherished memory.

Did you catch that I said over and over every night?  Yes, I must confess that for about 10 years we always ate dinner on paper plates.  Now first I hasten to tell you that we didn't have a dish washer--still don't--so I was the dish washer.  And this started after my fourth baby was born.  I decided I needed some simplification in my life what with having a new baby and 3 very active young boys. I told my husband we were going to use paper plates for a months or so...just till I got back on my feet.

Many years later....and several more babies later.....I realized we were still eating on paper plates.  By this time I had older children who had become the dish washers, so we switched over to real plates.

I never felt guilty about using paper plates and clogging the garbage dump with more paper.  I never felt guilty about the expense of buying paper plates.  I just thoroughly enjoyed the ease they gave to my hectic dinner routine.

Do you have something you use that helps simplify your life, even though it could be classified as a "luxury"?  Do you use Rhodes frozen dough instead of making your own?  How about expensive spices or baby food in a jar instead of blending your own?  Do you subscribe to cable so you have a better choice of good entertainment?

There are lots of things we probably spend our money on, that we could call luxuries, and could save money if we did without them.

But.

There's a time and place for everything.  So if now is the time and place.

Enjoy your little luxuries and......

DON'T FEEL GUILTY!

Thanks for reading,

Cathy
 PS.  What do you do that helps simplify your life, schedule, routine?  Leave a comment and tell us.

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Parenting Tip - Easy List vs Hard List

My daughter emailed me this and said I could post it on my blog:

"Lately it seems like everything I do is from the easy list. It's no wonder I feel like a flabby, grouchy, time waster. 

Before we came to earth I'm sure we were looking down at all the types of people and things we could do and promised ourselves we would not be wasters doing things on the easy list.  

It's obvious that the things that are worth anything are all on the hard list. After earth life is over, I want to be made up of the things on the hard list.  So why is it still hard?

Oh well, I guess I should stop philosophizing and get up and do something. I'm probably just feeling guilty that it's only 10am and I've already eaten not one but four of the kids' lunch treats... And as I know eating, making lists, and feeling guilty are all on the easy list!"

 

Isn't that so true?  All the easy things are not the BEST things.  It's that good, better, best idea, though there wasn't anything"good" on my daughter's easy list.  Ok, so if we think of the things we do every day as being on the "easy" list or the "hard" list, will that motivate us?  

My motivation comes from seeing the whole picture, and actually the end of the picture.  What is my goal?  To live together forever as a happy family.  Now what are the steps to reach that goal?  Well, nothing on the easy list, that's for sure!  

What motivates you to do things from your hard list?

Thanks for reading,

Cathy

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Yes, Virginia, You Can Have a Guiltfree Christmas

My grandchildren think I'm old. I don't think I am.  But still, when I look in the mirror, I'm seeing sagging cheeks and wrinkles on my neck and hands, which I prefer to think of as "wisdom lines".  I remember when I turned 40 that I decided if I was going to be THAT old, then I should start using the wisdom I had gleaned throughout those years so that the next 40 years could be a little less stressful and more enjoyable.

Which takes me to Christmas.  I've seen lots of Christmases--as a child, teenager, young adult, young mother, middle aged mother and now, as a grandmother.  I've felt a lot of guilt during those Christmases about things I didn't do and wish I had, or things I did do and wish I hadn't. But I'm really, really tired of feeling guilty.  It's no fun. So with all the wisdom I have learned over the years, and all the hope I have for many more bright tomorrows and Christmases, here are some thoughts about having a....

Guilt-free Christmas!
1.  Enjoy other people's decorations - I'm in Pennsylvania in a winter wonderland of postcard beautiful snow (my daughter just had baby number 4--a girl).  The house two doors down is decorated with 36 wreaths hung outside in front of every window!  It is gorgeous.  Should we feel guilty that we don't have any wreaths hung up, let alone lights or a tree.  Nope!  We're enjoying their wreaths (and enjoying that we don't have to take down 36 wreaths and find a place to store them!)

As you drive around your neighborhood, don't feel guilty.  Enjoy the decorations, savor the lights--even the traffic lights.  I love to see the red and green traffic lights at night during December, they're so Christmas-y.

2.  Enjoy the humor.  I just received a text that said, "Here is a letter _______ wrote to Santa today:  Dear Santa, two of the kids in my class don't believe in u.  Can u please put coal in their stockings.  Their names r Sienna and Jake. (Names changed to protect the innocent, and so Santa can't find them!)

Find humor in the car as you drive (yeah, very dificult, I know).  As I've been driving grandchildren around this week (and getting lost every single time), I have noticed that in between the streets, there are these cute little side streets called alleys (they don't look like AZ alleys) and they all have the name of vegetables!  There is carrot alley, leek alley, tomato alley, artichoke alley.  I find it hilarious. 

3.  Enjoy the food.  You don't have to make all the holiday treats you read about on every blog you look at or from every person you talk to.  Just pick one treat you have time to make or that your family likes.  Then savor and enjoy eating it.  I have the hardest time eating slow.  But I'm going to try and saaavvvvvoorrrrr my food this season instead of gulping it down.   My goal is to drink hot chocolate and watch the falling snow, which I should stop typing and do right this minute!

 4. Enjoy your children and husband and family.  Listen to your children--look at their cute little faces.  Try to figure out what makes them tick.  My daughter said she finally realized that if one of her daughters didn't get to bed by a certain time, she would have a melt down every night. Her daughter just couldn't cope, be obedient or make any rational decisions if she was too tired.  Sidenote:  last night we were trying to get the kids in bed on time and my daughter was making silent gestures at me to remind me we needed to get so and so in bed on time.  My granddaughter noticed and said, "Mom, I don't do that anymore."

Love your husband and make memories.  Find out what his love language is: words of affirmation, acts of service, receiving gifts, quality time or physical touch.  Then be sure and tell him what YOURS is.

5.  Enjoy Christmas shopping.  If you're not done shopping, try shopping online this year.  Or try going first thing in the morning.  Make it fun:  hum or listen to Christmas music while you drive to the store, suck on a candy cane in the car,  feel grateful, grateful, grateful.  Above all: don't feel guilty because you kow of others who are done.

Those are my ideas.  If you have any other ideas on how to enjoy the Holiday Season, please leave a comment.

Thanks for reading,

Cathy


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