Parenting Tip - I'm Not in Control Today

Have you ever been in a bad mood?  Out of sorts!  Mad at everyone and everything?!  Having a "terrible, horrible, very bad, no good day"(s)?!

That has happened to me so many times during my life, and I'm sure in your life too.  Sometimes when I stop to analyze my feelings, I find out that why I'm feeling so mean and rotten is because I'm not in control of certain situations in my life.  Things are happening around me that I can't do anything about.  And that feels horrible.

Here are some examples that you might just relate to:
the car needs new tires--no money to pay for them--but it's new tires or an accident's going to happen
your son is dating a girl you don't like
one of your child's teachers require way too much home work, putting lots of pressure on your child
your child has no friends and you don't know what to do about it
you have no closet or storage space in your too small house
your brother has a big gorgeous home with less children and plenty of closet space
your husband is working overtime but you need help with the kids

I could go on and on with the examples, but you get the idea.

This summer when I was in Nauvoo, I was having lots of great experiences, but sometimes not having a lot of fun.  I realized it was because I was not in control of my situation.  I didn't have a car and had to rely on other people to take me where I was suppose to go.  I would make new friends and then they would leave after two weeks to go home.  Then I had to make another friend and arrange for more rides......

So after losing my first new friend when she went home, I analyzed my feelings, realized the problem and wrote this song for myself while I went for my daily walks after lunch one week.

I’m Not in Control

(tune: Mary Had a Little Lamb, minor key)

I’m not in control today

And I guess, that’s okay

I need another’s point of view

I guess they could be right--- it’s true.

I’m not in control today

And I guess, that’s okay

So calm myself and count to ten

Then breathe and count again!

(Major, happy key)

God is in control today

And with that, I’m okay

He sees a broader point of view

His ways are always true!

God is in control today

And with that, I’m okay

His tender mercies help me see

His sweet abiding love for me.

Writing this song really helped me understand that yes, I won't be in control of my situation lots of times in life, but God is always in control.  If I rely on his perspective and ask for guidance, he will help me see and understand what I can do to help myself.  And he always loves me and sends tender mercies if I keep my eyes open to notice them.

I hope you can get control of one of your life situations or at least learn how to deal with it.  When I can't control a situation and change IT,  I try to find something--anything  I can do that I'm totally in charge of.   Then I feel better.  Find a craft or sewing project, do some cooking and baking, or read a book you want to. Going for a walk always helps too.   If all else fails, declutter a drawer or cupboard.  That ALWAYS makes me feel better.  And it's so much easier to do when you're mad, too!

Thanks for reading,

Cathy

PS  Have you read this book lately?

********************************************************************************

Parenting Tip - Be Nice to your Future Self

I'm basically a lazy person.  If a recipe calls for cutting an onion and garlic, I'll either skip that recipe or just use onion and garlic salt instead.  If the weeds are over running my flower bed, I'll try spraying them rather than take the time to pull them out. But sometimes I'll amaze myself by talking myself out of being lazy.  Like if I'm too tired to take a shower at night but have to leave early the next morning, I'll tell myself, "just take a shower, you'll love yourself tomorrow."  And I do.  I thank myself over and over the next morning for taking my shower last night.

A listener on Gretchen Rubin's podcast mentioned "doing something kind for your future self" when she read a blog entry from Wil Wheaton.  This idea of doing something nice for your future self really resonated with me, since that is a tactic I use to get myself to do something hard.  Gretchen's sister mentioned on the podcast that she uses that idea to make herself lift weights, telling herself that when she is 70 years old and not feeble, she will thank herself.

You can use this idea in so many ways---getting yourself to fold and put away the laundry so your future self will enjoy seeing your family function more happily.  Doing the dishes at night so the kitchen is clean in the morning.  Ah, thank you, self!

Gretchen says this is a great strategy for obligers to use to help them do something just for themselves.  Obligers are people  who can meet outer expectations--they can do what others ask them to do, but struggle to meet expectations they impose on themselves.  

Why is it so hard to do something just for yourself?  I think it is because we feel selfish.  We feel like we should be using our time to help our children, or our husband or doing our Church calling or whatever. We are told over and over again to serve others-- that is the key to happiness, but I think we forget that serving ourselves will give us more energy to serve others.

Another reason might be that life goes by so quickly.  We are so busy taking care of life in the present, that we don't have time to worry and take care of life in the future.   The "squeaky wheel gets the grease" and life squeaks really loud in the present.

So how can you and I take this idea and help our future selves?  I can tell my present self, "No, don't buy that cute blouse.  Remember you are saving your money for __________.  You'll thank me in 6 months."

I can tell my present self, "Don't eat that _______.  Go drink a glass of water instead.  You'll love me tomorrow."

I can tell my present self, "Yes, it's okay to stop and play with my kids (grandkids).  I'm bonding and will love myself when they come to me with problems when they're older."

Be nice to your future self--she'll thank you profusely!

Thanks for reading,

Cathy
*********************************************************************************

Parenting Tip - You DO Make a Difference

For all mothers and women, and men, and....... and sisters and cousins.  For all of us.  This message will bring you comfort.

Maybe this mom didn't make the same choices you would have made, but we have all been where she has been and had those kind of days.  The key is to have the Spirit with us to know when to say "yes" to someone else's need or when to say "no" and put our needs and our family first. That's the hard part, knowing what choices to make.

But it's comforting to me to know that Heavenly Father cares about the "one".  So if we can help ONE, then we are choosing the best choice.  And sometimes that ONE will be yourself.

Thanks for reading,
Cathy

********************************************************************************

Parenting Tip #59 Self esteem or Self worth?

What's the difference between self esteem and self worth? Karen Eddington, founder of Cauliflower Retreat(an outreach program designed to empower women and teens using positive messages of self-worth)says there is a big difference. She states "It’s time for a new message. We encourage you to think and act more positively about self-worth starting in the home." She offers self-worth support, skills, and techniques that you can teach to your children before they reach teenage years and while they are in them.

One suggestion Karen gives parents is to not label your child. It's so easy to say, "Josh is the athletic member in our family and Jordon is the intellectual one." That kind of statement puts a limit on what each son can accomplish.

My daughter-in-law is part of Cauliflower Retreat and it has been rewarding for me to see how deeply she cares and wants to help youth feel good about who they are.

Home should be the haven our children come home to where they can feel secure enough to grow and create their best self. We, as parents, can help them on their path. Visit Karen's website http://cauliflowerretreat.org/ to get specific and easy suggestions that you can incorporate into your family's dialogue.