Music Tip - Music Wins Every Time

It's the end of April and with it comes the end of my ukulele classes and my mom/tot music class.  I'm excited to have more free time now, but sad to end my teaching of a wonderful group of children and adults. I took my ukulele classes to perform for senior citizens and my last mom/tot music class was kind of bitter/sweet.  One of our grandpas who really loved us coming and responded well was moved to another facility--so we didn't get to say good by to him.

Here are some pictures with the ukulele classes, mom/tot music class and the residents.  They love us and we LOVE them!

 Thanks for reading,

Cathy
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Parenting Tip - I'm Not in Control Today

Have you ever been in a bad mood?  Out of sorts!  Mad at everyone and everything?!  Having a "terrible, horrible, very bad, no good day"(s)?!

That has happened to me so many times during my life, and I'm sure in your life too.  Sometimes when I stop to analyze my feelings, I find out that why I'm feeling so mean and rotten is because I'm not in control of certain situations in my life.  Things are happening around me that I can't do anything about.  And that feels horrible.

Here are some examples that you might just relate to:
the car needs new tires--no money to pay for them--but it's new tires or an accident's going to happen
your son is dating a girl you don't like
one of your child's teachers require way too much home work, putting lots of pressure on your child
your child has no friends and you don't know what to do about it
you have no closet or storage space in your too small house
your brother has a big gorgeous home with less children and plenty of closet space
your husband is working overtime but you need help with the kids

I could go on and on with the examples, but you get the idea.

This summer when I was in Nauvoo, I was having lots of great experiences, but sometimes not having a lot of fun.  I realized it was because I was not in control of my situation.  I didn't have a car and had to rely on other people to take me where I was suppose to go.  I would make new friends and then they would leave after two weeks to go home.  Then I had to make another friend and arrange for more rides......

So after losing my first new friend when she went home, I analyzed my feelings, realized the problem and wrote this song for myself while I went for my daily walks after lunch one week.

I’m Not in Control

(tune: Mary Had a Little Lamb, minor key)

I’m not in control today

And I guess, that’s okay

I need another’s point of view

I guess they could be right--- it’s true.

I’m not in control today

And I guess, that’s okay

So calm myself and count to ten

Then breathe and count again!

(Major, happy key)

God is in control today

And with that, I’m okay

He sees a broader point of view

His ways are always true!

God is in control today

And with that, I’m okay

His tender mercies help me see

His sweet abiding love for me.

Writing this song really helped me understand that yes, I won't be in control of my situation lots of times in life, but God is always in control.  If I rely on his perspective and ask for guidance, he will help me see and understand what I can do to help myself.  And he always loves me and sends tender mercies if I keep my eyes open to notice them.

I hope you can get control of one of your life situations or at least learn how to deal with it.  When I can't control a situation and change IT,  I try to find something--anything  I can do that I'm totally in charge of.   Then I feel better.  Find a craft or sewing project, do some cooking and baking, or read a book you want to. Going for a walk always helps too.   If all else fails, declutter a drawer or cupboard.  That ALWAYS makes me feel better.  And it's so much easier to do when you're mad, too!

Thanks for reading,

Cathy

PS  Have you read this book lately?

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Parenting Tip - Be Inconsistently Consistent

I've noticed two main attitudes that develop in families when things get hard.  Either they quit doing the hard thing completely and let it drop, or they make adjustments, streamline the "hard thing" for awhile and then get back to doing it again.

I've seen this happen over and over again as I have taught piano lessons.  The family begins lessons with enthusiasm and commitment and practicing begins in earnest.  Then after a few months, LIFE happens.  Soccer games, illness, busyness in school and Church, financial problems--you name it, suddenly it becomes too hard to fit practice time in and lessons drop.

I've experienced this over and over again with family/personal scripture reading, Family Home Evening, and family prayers.  You have them consistently but then LIFE happens.  It becomes too hard to schedule them in because of late night games or teenagers are at work or your kids have too much homework, or Dad is out of town. And the scripture reading, FHE and prayers drop.

Life is full of HARD things.  But it is in doing those hard things, that real growth and benefit is acquired. So I propose:

                                                   BE INCONSISTENTLY CONSISTENT!

I've seen it with my piano families.  Those who keep on taking lessons and practice when they can, actually do make progress.  Example:  I teach twins in a family who is very busy raising pigs and goats and showing them at county fairs around the state.  When county fair time arrives, they have to miss a lesson here and there and they are so busy with travel, that practice time becomes 10 minutes instead of 30.  But they don't quit, they make adjustments and simplify, then get back to normal practice when the fairs are over.

Another example is my son's family.  My daughter-in-law has taught piano to some of the children, exchanged giving lessons with another mom and has even quit for awhile.  But when I visited them last week, I was amazed to hear my granddaughter and grandson playing popular music that was quite advanced.  In fact, my grandson is accompanying his school class at their Spring Concert.  By being inconsistently consistent with piano practice, these two grandchildren are enjoying piano and progressing at it.

What about scripture reading, prayers and FHE.  Each time we read and pray it becomes a thread we weave into our family's tapestry of spirituality. Some days,weeks,months we may be consistently weaving while at other times, the progress is slower.  But as we continue to try to be consistent, our pattern takes form and our tapestry grows in beauty and strength.

Teach your children to do hard things.  If you have to make a new chore chart, do it.  Give a pep talk, give it. Be a "mean" parent. Be it.

Teach yourself to do hard things.  If you have quit exercising and eating healthy, begin again.  My daughter has run 13 half marathons and 2 full marathons, but hasn't ran for two months.  Will she begin again?  Of course.  Life happened and she had to take some time off, but she is still a runner and will continue running in the near future.

Hard things are hard.  But they can be tackled, achieved, and overcome as we continue working on them.  We are not perfect and not expected to become perfect in this life.  But we can learn, acquire skills and progress as we step forward, fall back, then step forward again.  As we consistently keep trying amidst all our inconsistency, we are doing what we should be doing.


Good luck to all of us!

Thanks for reading,

Cathy

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Parenting Tip - How to have Resilient Children

What is resiliency?  To me it is the ability to bounce back after having set backs, negative experiences or trauma.  It is the ability to assume our role and feel comfortable with ourselves and our lives and get back to "normal" after having experienced changes in our lives. 

Your whole family has been down with the flu for weeks.  But now you are finally back to your schedule.  You aren't derailed forever.  You are resilient!

Sometimes BIG changes hit you: you just had a baby, your mother died, you are moving, your husband lost his job, your child was diagnosed with leukemia.  But seemingly small changes can also impact us and throw us for a loop as well:  soccer season starts, you get a new Church calling, your husband is working overtime and not around to help, your sweet 11 year old becomes a tween.  How do we deal with these changes in our lives so that we don't get thrown off track.  How do we maintain our family's schedule so our days run smoothly and our children feel safe and secure?  How can we be resilient?

I think we need to remind ourselves of the BIG picture.  Step back and look at what is happening now, but also what happened before and what will happen after.  Get a larger perspective of life.  Yes, your car is broken, with no money to fix it immediately in sight and you feel smothered in your house with your kids.  No, this won't last forever--though it seems like it.  Your income tax return will pay for the repair in the near future and in the meantime you can take little adventures around the neighborhood with your children.  You have managed before and you can manage again.  You are resilient!

It is important as adults to be resilient, but how do we teach resilience to our children?

Your graduating senior didn't get the scholarship she applied for, your son didn't make the team, your daughter's best friend moved and she has no friends now.  Help your children see the BIG picture.  Help them see their strengths, and new possibilities opening up. Don't discount their emotions, but let them express their feelings and empathize with them.  Help your children see other choices available to them.  Let them decide their course of action.  Listen to them without criticizing and condemning.  Let them feel what they're feeling, but gradually encourage them to "think out of the box".

Teaching children to be resilient starts when they are young.  It starts with you, as the parent, letting them make choices.  It means letting them fail, make wrong choices and own their own problems.   It is not solving your children's problem but it is offering your love, safety and confidence in them.  It is helping them see alternative solutions and possibilities.

Teaching resilience means not fixing your child's problem but teaching him to fix his own problem.

Resilience.  Not a word we talk about or hear about much.  But what a powerful word!

 Thanks for reading,

Cathy
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