Parenting Tip - I'm Not in Control Today

Have you ever been in a bad mood?  Out of sorts!  Mad at everyone and everything?!  Having a "terrible, horrible, very bad, no good day"(s)?!

That has happened to me so many times during my life, and I'm sure in your life too.  Sometimes when I stop to analyze my feelings, I find out that why I'm feeling so mean and rotten is because I'm not in control of certain situations in my life.  Things are happening around me that I can't do anything about.  And that feels horrible.

Here are some examples that you might just relate to:
the car needs new tires--no money to pay for them--but it's new tires or an accident's going to happen
your son is dating a girl you don't like
one of your child's teachers require way too much home work, putting lots of pressure on your child
your child has no friends and you don't know what to do about it
you have no closet or storage space in your too small house
your brother has a big gorgeous home with less children and plenty of closet space
your husband is working overtime but you need help with the kids

I could go on and on with the examples, but you get the idea.

This summer when I was in Nauvoo, I was having lots of great experiences, but sometimes not having a lot of fun.  I realized it was because I was not in control of my situation.  I didn't have a car and had to rely on other people to take me where I was suppose to go.  I would make new friends and then they would leave after two weeks to go home.  Then I had to make another friend and arrange for more rides......

So after losing my first new friend when she went home, I analyzed my feelings, realized the problem and wrote this song for myself while I went for my daily walks after lunch one week.

I’m Not in Control

(tune: Mary Had a Little Lamb, minor key)

I’m not in control today

And I guess, that’s okay

I need another’s point of view

I guess they could be right--- it’s true.

I’m not in control today

And I guess, that’s okay

So calm myself and count to ten

Then breathe and count again!

(Major, happy key)

God is in control today

And with that, I’m okay

He sees a broader point of view

His ways are always true!

God is in control today

And with that, I’m okay

His tender mercies help me see

His sweet abiding love for me.

Writing this song really helped me understand that yes, I won't be in control of my situation lots of times in life, but God is always in control.  If I rely on his perspective and ask for guidance, he will help me see and understand what I can do to help myself.  And he always loves me and sends tender mercies if I keep my eyes open to notice them.

I hope you can get control of one of your life situations or at least learn how to deal with it.  When I can't control a situation and change IT,  I try to find something--anything  I can do that I'm totally in charge of.   Then I feel better.  Find a craft or sewing project, do some cooking and baking, or read a book you want to. Going for a walk always helps too.   If all else fails, declutter a drawer or cupboard.  That ALWAYS makes me feel better.  And it's so much easier to do when you're mad, too!

Thanks for reading,

Cathy

PS  Have you read this book lately?

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Parenting Tip - Parenting Teenagers

 You may have already seen or heard about Josh Shipp.  I just listened to one of his videos that was posted on Facebook--the place I see all the upcoming news and info.  I liked what I heard. He is being called the "teen whisperer".   He speaks common sense and comes from a background of being a troubled youth himself.

As my husband and I parented our children through their teen years, I always remembered what my mother said when she had 4 teenagers growing up in our home at the same time-- myself, my sister and two brothers.  She said,  "I loved having you all as teenagers.  You were the best kids, and it was so fun to be around you." 

Now that's NOT what the majority of parents would say.  And I don't think my siblings and I were perfect or abnormal.  But my parents had taught us to be respectful, honest, have faith in God and know that we were children of God and that He had a plan for our lives.  We did experience ups and downs and normal teenage disagreements with our parents, but we respected each other, listened to advice from our parents and more importantly, they listened to us.  We cooperated together, we supported each other and we loved each other and had fun together.

When I had my teenagers, I experienced the same thing.  They were good kids.  They were funny, respectful, hardworking, compassionate, and good students.  They knew God loved them and had a purpose for their lives.  We were blessed with children that would listen to us and honor our decisions. 

We were firm and a lot more strict than other parents.  I know, because they told me--often.  But all seven children have also told me later as adults, that they were glad we were so strict.  They were glad they had boundaries and limitations.

Teenagers have a lot of peer pressure to deal with.  But so do YOU as parents.  Don't cave into your peer pressure, Moms and Dads.  Don't go with the flow and let your children go and do what others are doing, just because it is easier and your adult friends are letting their children do things you feel uncomfortable with.  Have rules in your home.  Let your family set those rules and help everyone to understand why the rule is as it is.

If your teen is having mental health problems, medical problems or acting different, get help--don't let it slide until the problem is worse.

But most importantly, ENJOY your teenagers! 

Parenting Tip - Dress the Dress to Walk the Walk

"If you’re going to talk the talk, you’ve got to walk the walk."

"Dress makes the man (woman)."

I've been thinking about how I dress and how I walk the walk; that is, how to dress according to what I'm doing for the day. 

Have you noticed how you feel different by what clothes you are wearing.  If you are dressed up to go shopping, you certainly don't feel like cleaning the house. On the other hand, if you're dressed in tennis shoes and work clothes, you don't mind getting more dirty by sweeping or mopping the floor .

Since I don't like cleaning very much, I have to psych myself up to do it.  I have to wear tennis shoes and clothes that aren't spic and span clean (meaning I already wore them yesterday!)  My hair still needs to be curled and combed and I don't have any make up on.  In other words, I look rather grungie, ready to work and maybe get sweaty in the process.

Then I have to turn up some music nice and loud (my favorite is "Happy Working Song" from the movie Enchanted) or listen to an interesting podcast, and I'm ready to clean.

If I'm gardening or working outside, I wear the same sort of clothing--a little soiled and definitely tennis shoes--I can't work outside in flip flops, I don't want to get my feet dirty.

But, I've noticed that I can't do other things with that particular "outfit" on--like teach piano lessons or do emailing business work or create music lesson plans.  For these type of activities, I do much better when I'm dressed in nicer clothes, my hair is done, my make up is on and I feel "presentable". 
Then I'm ready and motivated to work with my brain.

The way we dress DOES effect our behavior.  Haven't you told that to your children before?  Why do we have to dress up for Church?  Because you act more respectful and reverent; you feel more dignified. Why can't I wear shorts and flip flops to school? Because you'll feel like playing instead of listening and learning.

My husband had a beard and mustache for probably more than half of our married life.  He admitted that when he had a beard, he felt more sloppy and unkempt and behaved that way.  Oh yeah, funny story that I just remembered about my husband. 

My husband had NO sense of dress.  He would go for a walk in the morning dressed in a holy old t shirt with suspenders holding up a grubby pair of sweat pants and wearing an old, old pair of tennis shoes.  One morning while walking in the parking lot of a grocery store, a man in a car drove up to him and asked him if he needed some breakfast;  he was willing to give him some food.  The man thought he was homeless!!  I died laughing when my husband came home and told me what had happened.  It was close to Christmas so guess what my husband got for a present?  Yep, new exercise clothes.

So what do we do with this knowledge of dressing?  Dress for what you're doing that day.  If it's laundry, cleaning and scrubbing day, then you better get your tennies on.  If you need to get some cooking done, wear your apron (my daughters do) and get to cooking.  If you're running to the store, and school most of the day and will be seen by people--dress nicer.

What about if you want to parent better, hmmmmm, what to wear?  Are you more patient with your children, do you take advantage of teaching moments, and are you more loving to them when you're dressed in nicer clothes?

That would be an interesting experiment to try:  "Does what I'm wearing really affect my attitude and effectiveness as a mom?"  I know dressing appropriately certainly affects how many things I get done on my "To Do" list.

Here's some quotes I found by unknown sources:

I think that when you get dressed in the morning, sometimes you're really making a decision about your behavior for the day. Like if you put on flipflops, you're saying: 'Hope I don't get chased today.' 'Be nice to people in sneakers.'

Demetri Martin

Read more at http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/keywords/dressed.html#BuivXAykBUOpjFGG.99

Every girl should know to dress for success. No one will take you seriously if you show up in leggings and Uggs
 
 
  Thanks for reading,

Cathy

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Parenting Tip #55 All it takes is Patience

Patience: A coveted character trait longed for by parents toward their offspring.
When needed: daily, every minute
Why needed: because of ---two year olds, six year olds, ten year olds, teenagers….
How do you acquire it: Now there’s the $64,000.00 question!

How many times a day does a parent need patience? When your baby is crying but you just need to finish fixing dinner, when your two year old is throwing a temper tantrum at Target, when your six year old refuses to hurry and get dressed for school, when your teenager has a sullen expression and refuses to talk to you, when your ten year old hits his sister---again, when your husband leaves his clothes on the floor…..okay, I’ll stop.

But here is a twist. How do you teach your children to have patience? An interesting study was done on children and patience “suggesting that the ability to wait—to be patient—was a key character trait that might predict later success in life.” http://lds.org/conference/talk/display/0,5232,23-1-1207-20,00.html (to see video illustrating this research:http://lds.org/ldsorg/v/index.jsp?vgnextoid=bd163ca6e9aa3210VgnVCM1000003a94610aRCRD&locale=0) If that is true, wouldn’t patience be a number one thing parents would want to teach their children?

So how do you teach your children to have patience? Here are some thoughts:
babies: none-their job is to teach YOU patience!
preschoolers:
1. play games where they have to wait for their turn
2. teach them to take turns at home
3. don’t let them always be the first to get whatever they want
4. make a calendar so they can mark off days until…vacation, holiday, birthday, etc
5. distract them or focus them to think of something else (like when you’re waiting in a llloooonnnnggggg line
School age/Teens:
1. help them visualize the end result/goal
2. outline steps to reach the goal (such as buying something they want, doing a hard homework assignment, etc)
3. Count to 10-helping them to control their anger
4. Think from the other person’s perspective – when fighting with their sibling, mean school teacher, rules they don’t like
5. Teach about banking, savings, and interest
6. Help direct focus—like during Church, writing assignments, negative thinking
7. Focus on the positive things in life—when they didn’t make a team, during illnesses, trials

But remember, it will take patience on your part before you will see the results on your children’s part.