Parenting Tip - Be Inconsistently Consistent

I've noticed two main attitudes that develop in families when things get hard.  Either they quit doing the hard thing completely and let it drop, or they make adjustments, streamline the "hard thing" for awhile and then get back to doing it again.

I've seen this happen over and over again as I have taught piano lessons.  The family begins lessons with enthusiasm and commitment and practicing begins in earnest.  Then after a few months, LIFE happens.  Soccer games, illness, busyness in school and Church, financial problems--you name it, suddenly it becomes too hard to fit practice time in and lessons drop.

I've experienced this over and over again with family/personal scripture reading, Family Home Evening, and family prayers.  You have them consistently but then LIFE happens.  It becomes too hard to schedule them in because of late night games or teenagers are at work or your kids have too much homework, or Dad is out of town. And the scripture reading, FHE and prayers drop.

Life is full of HARD things.  But it is in doing those hard things, that real growth and benefit is acquired. So I propose:

                                                   BE INCONSISTENTLY CONSISTENT!

I've seen it with my piano families.  Those who keep on taking lessons and practice when they can, actually do make progress.  Example:  I teach twins in a family who is very busy raising pigs and goats and showing them at county fairs around the state.  When county fair time arrives, they have to miss a lesson here and there and they are so busy with travel, that practice time becomes 10 minutes instead of 30.  But they don't quit, they make adjustments and simplify, then get back to normal practice when the fairs are over.

Another example is my son's family.  My daughter-in-law has taught piano to some of the children, exchanged giving lessons with another mom and has even quit for awhile.  But when I visited them last week, I was amazed to hear my granddaughter and grandson playing popular music that was quite advanced.  In fact, my grandson is accompanying his school class at their Spring Concert.  By being inconsistently consistent with piano practice, these two grandchildren are enjoying piano and progressing at it.

What about scripture reading, prayers and FHE.  Each time we read and pray it becomes a thread we weave into our family's tapestry of spirituality. Some days,weeks,months we may be consistently weaving while at other times, the progress is slower.  But as we continue to try to be consistent, our pattern takes form and our tapestry grows in beauty and strength.

Teach your children to do hard things.  If you have to make a new chore chart, do it.  Give a pep talk, give it. Be a "mean" parent. Be it.

Teach yourself to do hard things.  If you have quit exercising and eating healthy, begin again.  My daughter has run 13 half marathons and 2 full marathons, but hasn't ran for two months.  Will she begin again?  Of course.  Life happened and she had to take some time off, but she is still a runner and will continue running in the near future.

Hard things are hard.  But they can be tackled, achieved, and overcome as we continue working on them.  We are not perfect and not expected to become perfect in this life.  But we can learn, acquire skills and progress as we step forward, fall back, then step forward again.  As we consistently keep trying amidst all our inconsistency, we are doing what we should be doing.


Good luck to all of us!

Thanks for reading,

Cathy

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Parenting Tip - "But it's so hard!"

I was teaching a music class with a group of children who have autism.  We had a song about following directions and had done several activities during the class time having the students practicing following musical directions. As I summed up the class I reminded the students to try and follow directions the rest of the day.  The teacher then asked the students to pick up their chairs and take them back to their desks.  Marshall did not do this and the teacher said, "Marshall, didn't you just learn about following directions?" Marshall responded with a frustrated voice saying, "but it's so hard to follow directions!"

Don't we all feel that sometimes?  It's hard to follow directions whether it's how to install a program on our computer or a complicated new recipe, or even helping a child with his math.

Children feel the same way, of course.  So how can we help them learn this invaluable skill?  We can try to think and feel as a child.  We can use our imagination, use games, toys, music, and play to make it fun. We can use incentives or set family rules and be consistent in following them.

Time to get in the car and the fight to get the seat belt buckled starts?  Try some imagination: "Hurry, hurry, here come the tickle bees.  Get in the car and get buckled before they start tickling you!"
OR
"Hey, Mister Bus Driver, are you going to drive this bus?  Get in and get buckled and start your wheels goin' round"

Toys all over the floor?  Play a game.  My mother was a master at playing army and giving commands to the soldier grandchildren. She would salute each one, give them a specific thing to do (pick up all the blue toys), then have them report back to her for their next assignment.

As a mom, I wasn't in the mood to play games, I just wanted the bedrooms cleaned up.  But I was willing to make it fun, .  So I would hide M & Ms under books, clothes and toys on the floor and tell my kids they could eat the candy they found, but they had to put the item away first.  Worked like a charm!

Time to practice the piano?  Give incentives for following directions to "get in there and practice".  Do your child's chore while she practices (I don't know how many dishes I washed for my daughter when it was her turn to wash, but she still needed to practice the piano).

Other incentives could be, "let's read library books when the toys get cleaned up" or "after your homework is done you can go out and play".  An incentive to clear the table or wash the dishes quickly after dinner when I was a kid was this family rule:  if you get all the dishes washed before the person whose job it is to clear the table gets finished clearing, then they have to wash those dishes.  I caught my brother only a couple of times on this rule before he learned to do his job before starting to play.

Here's a tough direction to follow:  be reverent during Church.  Remember, this is an ongoing learning situation and different age groups will be better at it than others.  But try this family rule:  if you are not reverent in Church, you need to practice being reverent when you get home. Put Church music on and have your child sit quietly on the couch for one or two songs (or more, depending on their age).  You as the parent may need to sit with your young child or even hold him on your lap while listening to the music and practicing being reverent.  Keep in mind the child's age. Perhaps a 4 year old would sit for 4 minutes while a 10 year old would sit for 10 minutes. This would not be appropriate for a one or two year old. They would not connect the events from Church to couch sitting.

Following directions.

Yes sometimes it's SO HARD!

But what a valuable skill and habit to learn--for adults and children!

Thanks for reading,
Cathy
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Parenting Tip - Don't Overlook the Flecks of Gold

I like the message in this story.  It made me think about other flecks of gold we sometimes overlook.  Like our children.  Are we so busy living and looking to the future, that we don't notice the gold right in our own home.

Here are some other flecks of gold we might overlook:
Flecks of gold of happiness at the cute thing your 3 year old son just said.
Flecks of gold of gratitude for having enough food to eat and a home to live in.
Flecks of gold of patriotism for living in a democratic country.

The flecks of gold gradually added up to great wealth, one small fleck at a time.  What other things add up by small measures?
Teaching our children day after day to do their chores.
Teaching our children day after day to do their homework.
Helping our children day after day practice a musical instrument.
Eating healthy food day after day.
Exercising or walking a little bit more day after day.

Flecks of gold.
Small deeds.
Patience to wait for the wealth.
 Enjoying the day to day collecting.

Thanks for reading,

Cathy
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Parenting Tip #56 Older siblings helping younger ones

I know of a family with seven children, four of whom I give piano lessons to. The oldest daughter, is in college, and the youngest child is almost 2 year old. The Mom homeschools her children, the boys are active in scouts, some of the children play two instruments, and well, they live a busy life—especially the mom!

As I was talking to the mom this week, she mentioned something she has started doing that I wished I would have done when I was raising my children. She has paired up two of the older children to help her teach their younger siblings. For example, the 12 year son, who plays the piano very well, is helping his 8 year old brother practice the piano and the 10 year old son is helping his 6 year old sister with her reading. She is finding that not only does the younger sibling benefit, but the two older ones do too. As they teach, they are reinforcing skills and knowledge of things they already know, but are now really internalizing that knowledge for themselves. She said she had to be careful who she paired up, because, as we all know, some age groups and children don’t work well with each other. If she paired up her 10 and 8 year old sons together—sparks would fly.

This is an example of one of the benefits of having a large family. The older children can help their younger brothers and sisters and relieve the mom of some heavy stress.

So let’s brainstorm some other ways parents can pair up children to help each other. What about cleaning? If you asked your 6 year old to help the 3 year old put away the dishes from the dishwasher, you are helping your 6 year old learn leadership skills, giving her bonding time with her brother and getting a chore done all in one. Now if you asked them to clean the bathroom---you may end up with a bigger mess than you want. So you might need to think through what job you want done and who to pair up.

Okay, now let’s think about getting ready for bed. I don’t like competition, but what if you paired up two sets of your children to get dressed for bed (with teeth brushed and whatever else you add), and the set who got ready first could pick which story to read and the set who finished second could pick the song to sing.

Wow, I’m really getting into this. It almost makes me want to go back and parent my children again when they were younger. Almost.