Parenting Tip - The Paradigm Test

Text from my daughter to me:
        "So I've been trying not to feel like a failure by choosing to run the half marathon instead of the full [this coming weekend] in AZ.  I just haven't been able to get the training in.  I'm disciplined in lots of other areas, but this one hasn't been able to be a priority right now.  I was feeling kinda low until I had a new thought - Oh my gosh Mom!  I passed the test!!!!!!!
    I chose sacrificing time running this school year for doing homeschooling and being with  my kids instead of out running for myself!  It's not a failure at all!  It's a giant victory!!!!!  How would my kids be right now if I was completely ready for the full [marathon]??That's a scary thought.  My relationship with A [her 11 year daughter] definitely wouldn't have been strengthened through this year.  She would probably resent me for all the time spent babysitting M [the preschooler].  M would be a screen junkie.
     Dang.  Paradigm shift!  So grateful!!!"

Text from me to my daughter:
     "Sigh of relief!!  You chose the good part!!!  You DID pass the test!!!!  I'm so proud of you and love you so much!! (Wow, I just had a thought - this text could be from Heavenly Father just as much as it is from me.)"


So what have you been sacrificing, that with a paradigm shift, looks more like a blessing instead?
Are you a stay-at-home Mom with a college degree and inner desire to be out in the workforce? What are you trading for and what benefits can you see if you look close enough?  Are you developing other talents such as gardening, cooking, love of children's literature, home repair skills, or beautifying your home with recycling items?

Do you have a child with autism, ADD, speech problems or other issues?  But are you gaining knowledge, insight and gifts that you wouldn't otherwise have?

Do you have to pinch every penny and long to have your husband out of school?  But are you becoming adept at finding sales, learning to sew, and acquiring skills to refurbish used furniture?

I've had to give piano lessons in my home my whole married life to supplement our family income. For years I felt frustrated and pitied myself.  Then one day I had a paradigm shift and was shocked at what I saw.  What I saw were blessings everywhere.  Blessed that my husband worked from 5:30 am to 3:00 pm and could be home with our children when they came home from school.  Blessed that my husband enjoyed cooking and cooked dinner while I taught piano.  Blessed that I never had to advertise and always had lots of students to teach.  Blessed that I could teach my own children and share my love of music with them. The more I looked, the more blessings I saw.  I immediately fell to my knees and poured out my gratitude to my Heavenly Father.  I asked Him to forgive me for my thoughtlessness and past complaining.  Over the years I have realized what a blessing teaching piano has been in my life and how much I have grown as a teacher and a musician.

Paradigm Shift: an important change that happens when the usual way of thinking about or doing something is replaced by a new and different way.

Look at your life, look at your problems.  Have a paradigm shift and enjoy the blessings you see.

Thanks for reading,
Cathy
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Parenting Tip - Be Nice to your Future Self

I'm basically a lazy person.  If a recipe calls for cutting an onion and garlic, I'll either skip that recipe or just use onion and garlic salt instead.  If the weeds are over running my flower bed, I'll try spraying them rather than take the time to pull them out. But sometimes I'll amaze myself by talking myself out of being lazy.  Like if I'm too tired to take a shower at night but have to leave early the next morning, I'll tell myself, "just take a shower, you'll love yourself tomorrow."  And I do.  I thank myself over and over the next morning for taking my shower last night.

A listener on Gretchen Rubin's podcast mentioned "doing something kind for your future self" when she read a blog entry from Wil Wheaton.  This idea of doing something nice for your future self really resonated with me, since that is a tactic I use to get myself to do something hard.  Gretchen's sister mentioned on the podcast that she uses that idea to make herself lift weights, telling herself that when she is 70 years old and not feeble, she will thank herself.

You can use this idea in so many ways---getting yourself to fold and put away the laundry so your future self will enjoy seeing your family function more happily.  Doing the dishes at night so the kitchen is clean in the morning.  Ah, thank you, self!

Gretchen says this is a great strategy for obligers to use to help them do something just for themselves.  Obligers are people  who can meet outer expectations--they can do what others ask them to do, but struggle to meet expectations they impose on themselves.  

Why is it so hard to do something just for yourself?  I think it is because we feel selfish.  We feel like we should be using our time to help our children, or our husband or doing our Church calling or whatever. We are told over and over again to serve others-- that is the key to happiness, but I think we forget that serving ourselves will give us more energy to serve others.

Another reason might be that life goes by so quickly.  We are so busy taking care of life in the present, that we don't have time to worry and take care of life in the future.   The "squeaky wheel gets the grease" and life squeaks really loud in the present.

So how can you and I take this idea and help our future selves?  I can tell my present self, "No, don't buy that cute blouse.  Remember you are saving your money for __________.  You'll thank me in 6 months."

I can tell my present self, "Don't eat that _______.  Go drink a glass of water instead.  You'll love me tomorrow."

I can tell my present self, "Yes, it's okay to stop and play with my kids (grandkids).  I'm bonding and will love myself when they come to me with problems when they're older."

Be nice to your future self--she'll thank you profusely!

Thanks for reading,

Cathy
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Parenting Tip - I am Grateful!!!

This morning I hiked to the Wind Cave at Usery Park--I forgot how steep the trail was.  I wasn't a lone hiker on that mountain, though.  99+ other hikers and myself, including 20 tourists from China--all boys, made the trail seem like a highway.  I guess my good idea was everyone else's too, and you can't blame us---the weather is GORGEOUS!!!

 Of which I am very grateful!

Last week I hiked Hamburg Trail at Ramsey Canyon Preserve in Sierra Vista.  The colors of the trees were stunning.  There were small deer grazing along the path and they were not shy at all! Neither were the turkeys, and I told them they better hide because Thanksgiving was coming.  Hiking with a good friend, enjoying nature and even hiking a steep mountain out of my comfort range....all made a memorable trip.

Of which I am very grateful!


On Veterans Day I took four of my grandchildren hiking in the Superstition Mountains.  Wow, I was so surprised that the 3 year old and 5 year old could hike such a long hike with steep terrain.  Afterwards we stopped by Goldmine Ghost town and enjoyed being tourists, riding on the train and going on a mine shaft tour.  So much fun with grandchildren.

Of which I am very grateful!


I am so grateful for a healthy body.  It is a gift that, after years of eating Snicker candy bars, I feel so blessed to have. 

I am so grateful to live in Arizona where the weather is perfect to hike in during the winters.  I love the mountains that surround us, the freeway system that gets us to those mountains in 30-40 minutes and even the abundance of differing cacti to marvel at as I hike.

At this Thanksgiving time of year, I am indeed GRATEFUL!!!!!!

Thanks for reading,

Cathy,

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Parenting Tip - Teach Gratitude

My son and his family sent me a Thanksgiving round they recorded of themselves.  It wasn't perfect, but it was awesome, anyway.  I couldn't figure out how to embed the song on my blog, so here are some other Thanksgiving songs for you to enjoy instead. 

                                          Here's a funny Thanksgiving song for you to enjoy.

Oh Gag!  I did this chant and movement (but in a circle) with my K-2nd graders at school for several years.  I hope no one took a video of me!

                                        The pictures that accompany this song are gorgeous!

                                                One more funny one......

                                Beautiful pictures of America and the things we are thankful for.

And my favorite...The true meaning of Thanksgiving with beautiful music and wonderful quotes from the Bible and our Founding Fathers.

I hope you have a wonderful Thanksgiving and remember to ....... give thanks!

"Thanks" for reading,
Cathy

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Parenting Tip - Grandmothers

Grandmothers.  Unconditional love.   Special treats.   Toys.  Stories.

What is there about grandmothers that bring a lump to the throat, a wistful smile, and forgotten memory?

Grandmothers = LOVE
Grandmothers = ACCEPTANCE
Grandmothers = SECURITY

As a grandmother, I cherish notes and letters I've received from my grandchildren. 
      Kimball wrote, "Just to let you know, I'm still singing."
      January left a note, "This is the best summer I've ever had!"
     Graham sent a text picture, "Don't I look like Grandpa?"
     Elise emailed, "You should read this book, grandma."
     Dean cried until he could talk to grandma on the phone and then said, " aharrggdhhheapokn."

Remember your grandmother today.  Tell her you love her.  If she's gone, share with your children your memories of her.  Say a prayer of gratitude for her wonderful influence in your life.

Thanks for reading,
Cathy

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Parenting Tip - I Could Have Been Rich, Instead I'm Happy

I just finished reading Paul Stutzman's book "Hiking Thru".  I cried and laughed all the way through it.  This is a man who lost his wife to cancer, then followed God's counsel to retire from his career in the restaurant business and hike the Appalachian Trail (which took him 5 months to do).  During his hike he found peace with God and found a new direction for his life.

The author met many other hikers on the trail and hiked with them during different sections of his 2,000+ miles hike.  A fellow hiker named Pathfinder, also lost his wife.  Pathfinder told him that after his wife  died, he sold his construction company at the height of the building boom and left to hike the Appalachian Trail.  He told the author, "If I'd kept my business and not done that hike, I'd be a rich man today.  Instead, I'm happy."

That thought has stayed with me since reading the book.  "Instead, I'm happy."

What choices have you made--and are they making you happy?
Have you chosen to stay at home with your children so you can teach, love and mother them?
Have you chosen a smaller home to live in so you can have financial peace of mind?
Have you chosen to not nag your husband/wife and instead nourish and enjoy him/her?

                                            Look at your life and look at your choices,
                                                                             and
                                                                  BE HAPPY!

Thanks for reading,
Cathy



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Parenting Tip - Get Outside

This is a blog post for anyone who is a little down in the dumps.  Or sad.  Or worried.  Or stressed. Or mad.             

That's my advice.  I know it helps because I've been there before; mad, sad, stressed and worried, and every time, I'll come home from a walk feeling lighter, happier and more hopeful.


A few years ago when I turned 40, I became worried about all the candy bars I had--and was still--eating.  I decided I needed to take charge of my life, if I wanted to have a healthy old age.  So I started walking in the mornings, and I haven't quit.  I love walking!



Then when I turned 50, I started hiking once a week with a friend.  I love hiking!  You're out in nature, you see God's handiwork and you talk and talk with a friend.  It's even better than eating a candy bar!


 When I'm walking or hiking my outlook changes.  My perspective broadens and I'm not microscoping in on my problems. 


 In fact, my problems shrink in size when I look at mountain tops and gaze down into valleys.  When I walk by cacti, flowers and trees, I see God's love for me in a wide lens. I feel stronger, able to handle my situation.  I feel gratitude for God and see His tender mercies in my life.  I start to see analogies in nature and relate them to my life.  I'm energized!

But sometimes it's impossible to go for a walk either because of health issues, kid issues or time constraints.  So here are some good, better, best options when the outdoors are just not available.

Good:  Sit by the window and look outside at the sky, the clouds, the birds and the trees and flowers.
Better:  Pull up the blinds and really look outside, up and down, back and forth.
Best:  Put on some music and admire the great outdoors, thoroughly enjoying the sky, flowers and trees.

If you are able to go for a walk, here are some good, better, best options as well.

Good: Walk slow to begin with, then increase your pace.
Better:  As you walk, notice nature.  Look up and enjoy the sky and clouds. Notice the birds.  Look at the architecture of the houses and buildings you pass by.
Best:  Find a beautiful park to walk in and listen to  music or a podcast as you walk.  Jog for a few seconds, here and there during your walk.  Enjoy nature.

And finally, if you can go for a hike:

Good:  Go with a friend.  Talk about cooking, problems, frustrations.  
Better:  Notice the birds and rabbits and lizards.  Draw strength and serenity from the open sky, the mountains, the trees. Gaze down from your trail and see how small everything looks below.  Notice how far you have come.  
Best:  Suddenly your problems and cares become miniscule and your heart enlarges and expands with love and optimism. 

Thanks for reading.....
Now go walking,
Cathy

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Music Tip - The Triangle

I just received a nice comment from one of my subscribers (thank you Master P), so I decided to check out a couple of her blogs.  Since she is a musician and teacher, one of her blogs is about helping her own children practice and ideas on how to motivate them.  Today she posted a "scathingly brilliant" (know what movie that is from?  Anne of Green Gables, I love that phrase!), idea for practicing and a very sound learning principle behind the idea.

I don't want to take away her thunder, so you'll have to check it out, here.  It is a very true principle.
Also scroll down and read the idea about chocolate chips practicing.

Now here comes the point to my post today.  I, as a piano teacher, feel like my job is to teach, encourage and motivate my students to practice.  I enjoy doing that, in fact.  

BUT....I'm not the reason your child will learn to play the piano; it will take a triangle for this to happen--- Me--the teacher, you--the parent, and your child--the student.  Together we can create a musician.

You--the parent, are VITAL to this triangle.  You can't just "wish" your child to play the piano.  You can't even just "pay for piano lessons" and have your child learn to play the piano.  YOUR CHILD HAS TO PRACTICE THE PIANO. 

 




You--as the parent, have to provide enough time in the day for your child to practice. That sounds simple, but read that statement again.  

t h e r e  h a s  t o  b e  time  t o  p r a c t i c e. 
Think about it.

You--as the parent, have to help motivate your child to practice.  You have to be involved.  You can't just provide piano lessons, you have to help make learning it, happen.

So, there you have it.  Me.  You.  Your child.

It's a journey all 3 of us are on together.  Let's have fun on the journey!  Let's be creative!  Let's enjoy it---cause let me tell you, music is a gift from God, and it is one of the most beautiful gifts He has given us.  

Let us say, "thank you" by using this beautiful power to enrich and bless our lives.

Thanks for reading,
Cathy

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Parenting Tip - An Amazing Mother

Aubrey Kleinschmidt is a wife and mother of four children under the age of 6; Tyler 6 years old, Emma 5, Jacob 2 and Gracie 8 months old.   Aubrey is blind.

Aubrey lost the sight in her left eye when she was only 4 days old.   She considered her vision in her right eye to be normal and did not consider herself to be visually impaired. Her sight limitations weren’t really noted until she was working at a dry cleaners. She had trouble matching customer tickets with their dry cleaning items because she kept reversing numbers. The owner of the cleaners suggested she might be dyslexic. She was tested as a senior in high school and found to be visually impaired. She qualified for an Individual Education Plan and went to Berkley, California (an assisted living program) for vocational rehab where she had an opportunity to learn Braille and life skills related to functioning as a blind person. It was assumed that she would lose sight in her right eye.  Aubrey says that she did not take the program very seriously. She met Michael, her future husband, while living in Berkley. 
Aubrey and Michael married and began their family.   Aubrey's pregnancies, however, were stressful for the fragile retina of her right eye. Her vision began to wane after Emma was born. Despite repeated attempts to salvage the sight in her right eye – Aubrey was told, almost three years ago, that she was considered "stone blind" (totally blind).  Shortly after this news, she discovered that she was pregnant with Jacob.

Aubrey attended classes for the blind for over a year. She was taught life skills/mobility skills and Braille, etc. She has special equipment that helps her to read printed text and a very smart phone.

Since Aubrey knew that she would never visually see Jacob’s face she made a special effort to find a doctor that would let her assist with her own delivery. She had the amazing opportunity to help bring Jacob into this world. He has a very special spirit and was a very calm and easy baby to care for.

Despite the loss of her sight, Aubrey and Michael felt there was still a baby waiting to come to their family.  In 2013 she had another special opportunity to help bring Gracie into this world. Gracie has also been an amazingly calm and easy baby to care for.

  Aubrey was born in Salt Lake City, Utah on January 4, 1983.   She was delivered at 28 weeks and weighed 2 lbs, 2 ounces.  The doctor didn’t think she would make it through the night and her mom was told not to even bother to name her! Retinopathy of prematurity (ROM) was the  cause of damage to her eyes.

 

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 Aubrey cooks, cleans, helps with homework and stays on top of the myriad of details sighted moms have to contend with. She is an amazing mom. She doesn’t see with her eyes. She sees with her heart.

Despite the devastating news of losing her sight, Aubrey was not one to wallow in self-pity.  She says her vision loss has improved her marriage and strengthened her testimony of God. She says it has made her a better mother.  When Tyler or Emma say, “Look what I’ve made," Aubrey can’t just glance over and then get back to whatever she was doing.  She stops and goes over to the child and feels with her hands what they have made. When she interacts with her children she is down on the floor playing with them in ways other mothers might skip.

Aubrey is especially grateful for the tremendous support Michael has been for her since she lost her sight. He has been her rock and comfort in difficult times. His flexible work hours have allowed him to drop everything and attend to her needs when necessary. 

Aubrey has a few tricks she and Michael have developed to keep on top of things at home:

- safety pins in all the girls clothing to tell them from the boys.

- puff paint Braille dots on the stove, microwave and washer where the instruction words are.

- always keeps spatula handle aligned with skillet handle so she knows where it's at.

- Tyler's school teacher puts a staple in the top right hand corner of school papers that need parental attention.

- if the TV is on, Aubrey can judge when she is walking in a straight line away from the sound or moving diagonally away from the TV

-Children's shoes are velcroed together and kept on a shelf.

- Aubrey has the chocolate chip cookie recipe memorized!

-Aubrey holds the baby in front of her with her elbow touching the wall as she walks down the hall and the other hand is in front of baby's face (she's bumped the baby into things before)

-Aubrey is constantly feeling her preschooler and baby's faces for smiles, running noses,or  objects in mouth that shouldn't be.

-Aubrey crawls above her baby and explores the floor with her.

-if Aubrey needs to find her younger children she'll call their name and instruct, "say moma" so she can hear where they are.

- Aubrey feeds baby food to her baby by cutting the top off the nipple to make the hole bigger.

-Aubrey is reading Harry Potter to her children with a braille copy of the book. 

Aubrey understandably has her down days.  Life is hard for a mother with sight, and especially hard without sight.  6 year old Tyler spells out the instructions for his homework, letter by letter so Aubrey can know what he is to do.  By the time he finishes, he and his mother are both mentally exhausted before they even get to the homework.

Aubrey has an amazing outlook and attitude about her life. She states that her problems in life are not due to her blindness.  She understands that her vision loss does not affect her ability to progress in life. She does not use her blindness as an excuse for not being the best person that she can be. 

Aubrey "sees" what is important in life!

Thanks for reading,

Cathy

 Thanks to Cathy Rogers for help in writing this post.

This post was published on the Arizona American Mothers blog  

and pending being published on the National American Mothers blog.

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Parenting Tip - Prayers of Gratitude

At this thanksgiving time of year, I am reminded of an experience I heard in a talk several years ago that has always impressed me.  A family was kneeling for their evening family prayer with a Church visitor who was staying the night with them.  The well respected  Church visitor requested that the wife (who had been asked to say the prayer) only say words of appreciation for blessings received, and not ask for anything. The wife, who had received word earlier in the day of a dear friend's passing, wanted to pray for help for the family.  But acting in faith and obedience to the request, she offered a sincere prayer of thanksgiving.

She thanked Heavenly Father for meaningful and memorable experiences with this dear friend. She communicated sincere gratitude for the Holy Ghost as the Comforter and for the gifts of the Spirit that enable us to face adversity and to serve others. Most importantly, she expressed appreciation for the plan of salvation, for the atoning sacrifice of Jesus Christ, for His resurrection, and for the ordinances and covenants of the restored gospel which make it possible for families to be together forever.

This family learned an important lesson about gratitude and how in the midst of trials and problems, one can always find things to be thankful about.

I have offered prayers of gratitude and have experienced some very special moments at these times.  When you only express gratitude, you look at things in a different light and suddenly come to understand problems and situations in a different way.

If you are dealing with a troubled child or spouse, suddenly you see and express gratitude for the opportunity to learn and grow and for the wisdom which your Father can give you through the Holy Ghost. 

If you are experiencing health problems for yourself or a family member, you understand how to express gratitude for good health in the past and for medical doctors that give help and medication.  You thank your Father in Heaven that you live in this day and in this country where medical knowledge is so advanced and available.

If you are undergoing financial difficulties, you find yourself thanking your Father for future help He will give you.  You thank Him for the ability to know how to be resilient and wise in cooking with the food you have on hand and how to manage on a tight budget.

I LOVE to offer prayers of gratitude now, because I have such a paradigm shift in looking at life.  It's so fun to see things in a completely different light.  Instead of looking at problems as "why me?", you view them as a chance to learn and grow. Instead of your problems having a negative and depressive feel, they take on a more eternal and spiritual perspective.

In every thing give thanks: for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you. 1Thessalonians 5:18

          


Happy Thanksgiving!


Cathy

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