Parenting Tip - Grandma's Camp

I just got back from Grandma's Camp last week.  This was a week of having fun, learning about ancestors, and bonding with cousins.  I invited my 11 oldest grandchildren, ages 9-14.  I have grandchildren that are scattered across the United States--6 in Virginia, 4 in Illinois, 3 in Utah and 7 in Arizona.  I don't get to see them that much, plus the cousins don't get to see each other either. Some of the cousins don't really know each other that well because they haven't been able to spend a lot of time together, so I decided to fix that problem.  Hence, Grandma's Camp!

The goal of Grandma's Camp was to have the cousins bond and create memories with each other, as well as for my grandchildren to get to know their ancestors better, namely their grandparents and great grandparents.  My husband passed away almost 6 years ago, so some of the grandchildren barely remember him.  Both of his parents have also passed away.

We held Grandma's Camp at my daughter's beautiful home in a beautiful rural area of southern Illinois.  Talk about green countryside!  Green, gorgeous trees everywhere, green rolling fields, wide open blue skies, and relatively wonderful weather.  What a setting for our week long camp.

Each day we focused on the life of one of the grandparents/great grandparents.  We told stories about their lives and I assigned grandchildren to find and tell a story too, so they would internalize their relationship with this deceased ancestor.  Then we would do a fun activity related to their grandparent's life.  For instance, my dad grew up on a dairy farm in the early 30's and milked cows when he was age 5 and rode a horse to round up the cows.  So on his day, we went horse back riding. My mother's parents came from Sweden and our Swedish heritage is big in our family.  My sister and I learned to say the blessing on the food in Swedish and always said it that way when we were growing up.  So I taught one of my granddaughters to say the prayer in Swedish, and she taught all the cousins, and at each mealtime a different grandchild would eagerly ask to say the blessing.

My mom painted rocks to look like cute animals, so on my mother's day, the cousins painted rocks. On my husband's day we went fishing, on my father-in-law's day we went rock jumping and swimming in a lake and even wore mustaches to honor his handlebar moustache.  My mother-in-law was an avid bird watcher and made pictures from pressed wild flowers, so on her day we had a bird scavenger hunt outside and made bookmarks with the flowers we had collected on our other days.  On my day, we played music, of course!

Each day also had free time for the cousins to play together.  They enjoyed sliding on the slip and slide, created fun mazes with mats and swings and air mattresses in the basement,  rode scooters, colored with sidewalk chalk and talked and laughed and bonded!

The goal of Grandma's Camp was accomplished.  Cousins became best friends and grandparents and great grandparents became real people with hobbies and talents passed on to their grandchildren.  Relationships is what life is about.  Loving people, enjoying family and building trust and friendships that will last throughout eternity--that is what we will take with us.  And our memories!

Thanks for reading,

Cathy

Parenting Tip - "Not Shrinking" is More Important Than Surviving

Elder Neal A. Maxwell served as a member of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints (Mormon) for 23 years.  His last few years were spent painfully battling leukemia.  After undergoing chemotherapy, he was asked by Elder David Bednar, also an apostle in the LDS church, what lessons he had learned through his illness.  Elder Maxwell replied, "I have learned that not shrinking is more important than surviving."

Not shrinking?  What does that mean?

        The scriptures say:  

“Therefore I command you to repent—repent, lest I smite you by the rod of my mouth, and by my wrath, and by my anger, and your sufferings be sore—how sore you know not, how exquisite you know not, yea, how hard to bear you know not.

“For behold, I, God, have suffered these things for all, that they might not suffer if they would repent;

“But if they would not repent they must suffer even as I;

“Which suffering caused myself, even God, the greatest of all, to tremble because of pain, and to bleed at every pore, and to suffer both body and spirit—and would that I might not drink the bitter cup, and shrink—“Nevertheless, glory be to the Father, and I partook and finished my preparations unto the children of men”.  D&C 19:15-19

Again, the phrase, not shrink.  We know Christ did not shrink from the agony he suffered for us in the Garden of Gethsemane or on the hill of Golgotha. He did not shrink and he did much more than "survive".  He overcame!  He was triumph!  His path led to a glorious reward.  And while He was on that earthly path, He walked in love and humility, taught with gentleness and compassion and set the perfect example for us to follow.

How can we apply this concept to our lives, to our daily struggles, to our trials.  How can we not shrink and do more than just survive?

When we are tested, when we have situations arise that are not fun, be it financial loss, health issues, problems with children, depression or a myriad of other concerns, how do we face these situations?  By not shrinking from them, I picture us as meeting our problems head on.  We deal with them.  We have faith that they will pass and that a wise Father in Heaven will give us strength to get through them and learn from them.  

If we don't shrink, we have patience and longsuffering.  "But how long is longsuffering suppose to last," I ask myself?  "I do have patience.  But come on, how long do I have to have patience," I ask impatiently?????

If we don't shrink from our problems we are cheerful as we go through them.  We think positive thoughts, and are kind when we feel miserable, are gentle when we want to hit something or someone and refuse to let the adversary lead us into depression and bitterness. 

When I have big trials and problems, not shrinking is my goal.  But what about those little pesky or middle sized trials and problems.  What about a house too small for your family or a 3 year old who doesn't want to be potty trained?  What a spouse who doesn't agree with your spending values or a teenager who wants to be more independent? What about your boredom in staying home with the kids or your jealousy of your friend's slim body? Here's one, what about what to fix for dinner every night when you hate to cook?

The answer to not shrinking is the same for big or small problems and trials.  Face them.  Problem solve them. Pray for strength, insight and faith to overcome, learn and grow. Listen to the answers that will come.

Not shrinking is more important than surviving.  Surviving means you got through it.  Not shrinking means you were faithful, you learned and you made it to the end with glory and honor.

Here's to not shrinking!!

Thanks for reading,

Cathy

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Parenting Tip - Will They Remember?

For the past 3 months I have been teaching home schooled children how to play the ukulele.  They have been coming to my home once a week to learn songs, and now for the past month we have been performing them at retirement centers.

Yesterday I took my ukulele group to a private home to sing and play for the residents living there.  The husband and wife of this home care for 6 elderly women plus the wife's mother.  You immediately felt love and peace upon walking into their home.

The husband introduced all the women and told us their names and a little about their backgrounds.  All were wonderful women who had accomplished much in their lives.  One had taught school for 40 years, a couple of the women were musicians, one had something to do with the opera, and one had served with her husband when he was a mission president for the LDS Church and when he was temple president of the Snowflake LDS Temple.  Then the man said, "but they won't remember anything after you leave, so don't worry about making any mistakes!  In fact you could come back tomorrow and they wouldn't remember you."

We had a wonderful time playing for them, and I am always energized after these performances and visits with the elderly.  They are so sweet and appreciative of everything you do and they LOVE the children.  We were invited to come back often.  But as I drove home I kept thinking, "So what's the use.  Why did I spend time going there and why should I go back again if they won't even remember that we have been there."

I know deep inside that we should show kindnesses to everyone, but what if they forget our kindnesses?????  Then I thought  if my mother or father were suffering from dementia or Alzheimer's, I certainly would want people coming and visiting them to bring them joy and happiness, even if it only lasted a half hour.

I was thinking about all these things while driving, and was almost home and sitting at a green light, waiting to turn left, when I saw a little tiny dog running on the street between two oncoming cars.  It suddenly veered into one of the cars and was hit and immediately killed.  I thought about how important one moment was to him--life and death.  Then I thought about how important moments are to those who won't remember with their physical minds, but will remember with their spiritual minds.

I thought about babies who won't remember the love and singing and hugs and kisses we lavish on them as infants.  I thought about the toddlers and preschoolers who won't remember the picnics and toys and games we played with them for countless hours. 

But though they may not remember the exact moments we shared, they will remember the feeling of love they received from us and the special ties they have as they continue growing and begin to remember fun times. 

It's those drops of water, adding one at a time that makes an ocean.  It's the love and strength of that love that ties them to us forever.  And when they are parents, and hugging and kissing their babies, they'll know. In the eternities they will remember.  It is so worth it to make the memories now!

Thanks for reading,

Cathy

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Parenting Tip - The Little Acts of Love

Edward Kinghorn is a licensed Neuropsychologist and is currently the Psychology Department Chair at BYU Hawaii. He gave a talk telling about his experiences working as a counselor with the Red Cross after the attacks on the World Trade Center in New York in the Fall of 2001. 

Professor Kinghorn describes working with a Dr. Frances Menlove, who was a seasoned and experienced clinician.  She later was asked to give a guest sermon to the Lincoln City Congregational Church, United Church of Christ, on March 10, 2002.  These are her words describing what she saw inside the St. Paul's Chapel which is near Ground Zero.  St. Paul’s had been set aside as a sanctuary for workers who were still toiling around the clock to clear the debris of the Twin Towers and to search for human remains. "The entire chapel was covered with banners, hand-lettered posters, small and large pictures by school children expressing thanks and appreciation.  There were notes taped to the sides of very pew, up and down the aisle.  Several Banners hung from the balconies.

One four-by twelve-foot pennant had a multitude of hand-drawn green mittens, each signed by a child, with a headline that said “Warm your hearts with our mittens.”  Another huge streamer lined up dozens of red children’s hand prints to form the stripes of an American flag.  There were notes in the pews.  The one tucked in by me said: “Dear Hero, thank you for making us safe.  I like soccer.  I don’t like baseball.  Do you like soccer?  Your new friend, Craig.”

The altar was the only place unadorned by posters, notes and banners.  Several votive candles were burning.  In front of the altar, a flute player from the New York Symphony played lilting melodies.  There was a lot of quiet activity.  Along the back wall of the chapel sandwiches and soup were being served.  Along the left side of the chapel, tables held first-aid supplies, candies, lip balm, socks, aspirin—anything someone might want coming in from the cold after a shift of spirit-wrenching labor.  There was a bowl of power bars, each with a homemade valentine wrapped around it and held tight with a rubber band.  All were free for the taking.  In front of me, one man was lying down on the pew, apparently asleep.  Others were sitting in the pews eating, or just resting.  I didn’t know then that these workers had found four more bodies that morning.

A small enclosed area about eight feet square caught my attention on the right side of the chapel.  A large bronze plaque announced that this was George Washington’s pew, the place he worshiped on the day of his inauguration, April 30, 1789.  Right next to this official plaque was a large, carefully printed sign “Foot Care.”  The workers were having trouble with their feet, so it was decided to devote George Washington’s pew to “Foot Care.”  Each day a podiatrist volunteered.  One worker had his shoes off and another one was waiting to be examined as I sat scrunched in my own pew.

I remembered the Gospel of John:  Jesus got up from the table and tied a towel around himself.  Then he poured water into a basin and began to wash the disciples’ feet and to wipe them with the towel that was tied around him.  After he had washed their feet, had put on his robe, and had returned to the table, he said to them, “I have set you an example that you also should do as I have done to you” (v. 15)."

I was so impressed with this talk and thought about all the school teachers who were aching to do something,-- anything, to express their love and support to the survivors, to the families who were devastated and to the workers still addressing the horror of Sept 11.  I pictured the teachers talking to their students and deciding on what small act of service they could do.  I pictured the children coloring pictures, writing notes, and making valentines to cover a power bar and wrapping a rubber band around it, never knowing the impact their service would make.  Never knowing that a whole church would be covered with small acts of service.  Never knowing that I would read of their acts years later and still be profoundly touched by them.

Sometimes we never know how our actions make a difference in someone else's life. I had the privilege of  hearing how one small act of mine affected a friend. I had taken my teenage neighbors to the hospital to play our instruments and sing for my friend's husband.  He was in quarentine and we had to dress in special robes to enter his room.  He passed away several months later.  My friend wept as she told how, what I viewed as a small act of service, had brought so much love and comfort to her and her husband.

Valentine's Day is coming.  What can you and I do to brighten someone's day with a genuine message of love?
The first Valentine's Day after my husband passed away, my next door neighbor brought me flowers.  She said that was what my husband had done for her the first Valentine's Day after her husband had passed away. I never knew that he had done that.

Love.  Little Acts of Love. By small and simple things are great things brought to pass.

Thanks for reading,

Cathy
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Parenting Tip - Grandmothers

Grandmothers.  Unconditional love.   Special treats.   Toys.  Stories.

What is there about grandmothers that bring a lump to the throat, a wistful smile, and forgotten memory?

Grandmothers = LOVE
Grandmothers = ACCEPTANCE
Grandmothers = SECURITY

As a grandmother, I cherish notes and letters I've received from my grandchildren. 
      Kimball wrote, "Just to let you know, I'm still singing."
      January left a note, "This is the best summer I've ever had!"
     Graham sent a text picture, "Don't I look like Grandpa?"
     Elise emailed, "You should read this book, grandma."
     Dean cried until he could talk to grandma on the phone and then said, " aharrggdhhheapokn."

Remember your grandmother today.  Tell her you love her.  If she's gone, share with your children your memories of her.  Say a prayer of gratitude for her wonderful influence in your life.

Thanks for reading,
Cathy

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Parenting Tip - Slow Down-Look up

 "It is not so much the major events, as the small day to day decisions that map the course of our living." Gordon B. Hinckley

 "We would do well to slow down a little.  Focus on the significant, lift up our eyes, and truly see the things that matter most.

Strength comes not from frantic activity but from being settled on a firm foundation of truth and light.  It comes from paying attention to the divine things that matter most.

"Diligently doing the things that matter most will lead us to the Savior of the world." Dieter Uchtdorf

Parenting Tip - Daily Checklist for my Children

Are you a LIST person?  Do you make lists and check them off?  I definitely am a list person--so is my mother--so are my 3 daughters.  If I do something during the day that isn't on my list, I write it on just so I can check it off.

So you can imagine my excitement when hearing about the book: The Checklist Manifesto: How to Get Things Right by Atul Gawande.  It was a great read.  Atul Gawande is a surgeon in the United States.  He is concerned about the errors made by the medical field when treating patients and though he realizes the complexity and variety of medical issues and treatments there are, he wonders if some sort of "checklist" can be used to lessen the degree of errors--and deaths.

Dr. Gawande studied and interviewed people in the airline industry.  We are all acquainted with a pilot's checklist, the one he goes through before taking off.  What ideas could the medical field use from their checklist?  The author also researched the skyscraper industry; how do they ensure they are building safe skyscrapers with all the steps that are required to build something that tall?

Reading this book made me excited to apply the author's ideas into my own life.  How could a checklist help me make sure I am living my life without "error" and that I am building the best person I can build?

I remember as a young mother discussing this very idea with two close friends.  I made a list of what I wanted my children to learn before they became adults and then set goals to make sure I was teaching them properly. 

I wondered what a mother would put on a daily checklist.  Here's an idea:

 

There's no mention of music lessons, sports, or gymnastics on the daily checklist.  While those activities do enhance and develop your child's abilities, they certainly aren't required to produce an outstanding, responsible young adult.                                                                                                  

 So what would you put on a daily checklist?  Did I forget some essential items?

Thanks for reading,
Cathy

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Parenting Tip - Get Outside

This is a blog post for anyone who is a little down in the dumps.  Or sad.  Or worried.  Or stressed. Or mad.             

That's my advice.  I know it helps because I've been there before; mad, sad, stressed and worried, and every time, I'll come home from a walk feeling lighter, happier and more hopeful.


A few years ago when I turned 40, I became worried about all the candy bars I had--and was still--eating.  I decided I needed to take charge of my life, if I wanted to have a healthy old age.  So I started walking in the mornings, and I haven't quit.  I love walking!



Then when I turned 50, I started hiking once a week with a friend.  I love hiking!  You're out in nature, you see God's handiwork and you talk and talk with a friend.  It's even better than eating a candy bar!


 When I'm walking or hiking my outlook changes.  My perspective broadens and I'm not microscoping in on my problems. 


 In fact, my problems shrink in size when I look at mountain tops and gaze down into valleys.  When I walk by cacti, flowers and trees, I see God's love for me in a wide lens. I feel stronger, able to handle my situation.  I feel gratitude for God and see His tender mercies in my life.  I start to see analogies in nature and relate them to my life.  I'm energized!

But sometimes it's impossible to go for a walk either because of health issues, kid issues or time constraints.  So here are some good, better, best options when the outdoors are just not available.

Good:  Sit by the window and look outside at the sky, the clouds, the birds and the trees and flowers.
Better:  Pull up the blinds and really look outside, up and down, back and forth.
Best:  Put on some music and admire the great outdoors, thoroughly enjoying the sky, flowers and trees.

If you are able to go for a walk, here are some good, better, best options as well.

Good: Walk slow to begin with, then increase your pace.
Better:  As you walk, notice nature.  Look up and enjoy the sky and clouds. Notice the birds.  Look at the architecture of the houses and buildings you pass by.
Best:  Find a beautiful park to walk in and listen to  music or a podcast as you walk.  Jog for a few seconds, here and there during your walk.  Enjoy nature.

And finally, if you can go for a hike:

Good:  Go with a friend.  Talk about cooking, problems, frustrations.  
Better:  Notice the birds and rabbits and lizards.  Draw strength and serenity from the open sky, the mountains, the trees. Gaze down from your trail and see how small everything looks below.  Notice how far you have come.  
Best:  Suddenly your problems and cares become miniscule and your heart enlarges and expands with love and optimism. 

Thanks for reading.....
Now go walking,
Cathy

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Parenting Tip - How to Shrink your World

Have you noticed how small the world is becoming?  With technology constantly upgrading, updating and up-smarting, we can communicate easily and immediately with anyone, anywhere, and at anytime.  This is GREAT NEWS if your family is spread out like mine is, and chances are that your family is spread out.  My siblings plus my own children live in 8 different states and 3 different time zones: AZ,CA,UT,TX,MN,IL,PA,VA.

So what is the GREAT NEWS about having your family spread out all over the entire United States?  The GREAT part is that we can still stay in touch with them through technology and creativity.

Let's brainstorm some ideas of things families can do to stay in touch with each other:

Birthdays. Of course, this is an easy way to stay in touch.  Birthday cards can be sent as well as gifts.  You should see me at Walmart lifting up toys and guessing what their weight is and how much postage it will cost.  My daughter-in-law recently told me her children are saving up money to purchase a big item they want.  She told me money would be more welcome than an actual toy.  Thank you.  Goodbye Walmart.

Buying and sending gifts online is another great alternative to buying and mailing birthday presents.  You can even email Amazon gift cards.  No postage or shipping!

My mother likes to make her own birthday cards on the computer using past pictures or baby pictures of the birthday person.  Wow, she is 85 years old and knows how to make cute computer birthday cards.  Technology sure has not passed her by!

What?  It's my birthday?  Come, on then, bring out the cake!

Last week my Dad had a birthday; he turned 91 years old.  One of his favorite songs is The Strawberry Roan.  Each of my siblings wrote a verse to the melody of this song that told about a specific time in his life.  Then when they called on the phone or skyped to tell him "happy birthday", their families sang their part of the song with their verse and chorus.  My Dad loved it.  He felt cherished and special.  And just as important, my brothers and sister and I felt a bond between us as we worked on this surprise for him.

How about writing a song for your Mom or Dad, or your daughter or husband or married son?  Find a cute melody like, "This is the Song that Never Ends" or "Frere Jacques"  and write new words to the melody.

Holidays.  My youngest daughter decided she would send her nieces and nephews something for every holiday this year.   I was babysitting my grandsons the other day and sure enough there was a package that contained hearts galore that she had "heart attacked" them with.

I do something different for Mother's Day.  I've never really liked this day and feel like everyone is "staring" at me all day. When my children got married and started having their own children, I, like all grandmothers, wanted to give them lots of unasked for advice. As one Mother's Day was approaching I had the inspiration come to me, that I could give them unsolicited advice every year on this day, because I was a mother and this was my gift to them.  I gave them notebooks to keep my advice in, and I've had so much fun giving advice each year!! I've given advice on "what to do instead of watching TV", marital tips, things to teach your children, funny things my kids said when they were children, and much more.  Each year I try to present my advice in a fun way, using grandchildren's faces, or Disney prince and princesses...whatever.
          They love the years when I write memories of them when they were children and the joy they brought me.

School Projects.  I've had grandchildren send me Flat Stanley and asked me to take him with me and and then send him back with photos of him in the places I've been (exotic places like the grocery store, hiking, you know....).  Cousins have also sent them to each other.

My grandson is holding Flat Stanley

 Babysitting.  I love to go out of town to help out when families have a new baby coming. Or one year my son and his wife went with the youth in their church on a 3 day hike and I went and stayed with my grandchildren.  What fun!  This is an opportunity for 24 hours of bonding that you normally don't get to have.  You can also take photographs while you're visiting, and put them together to make a little memory book.

The letter "A" for a memory alphabet book

Special Events. With children around, there are always special events you can invite family members to, if time and transportation allow it.  Things like baby blessings, baptisms, plays, or sporting tournaments are fun things to attend and bond with cousins, aunts and uncles and grandparents.My son and his family went to PA from their home in VA to attend the blessing of new niece.  The cousins had fun playing while the adults had fun talking and eating (of course). Be sure and send lots of pictures to the family members who can't come.

Skyping. This is a super good way to stay in contact with family members.  I even know of a grandma who gives her grandchildren piano lessons by skyping them (no, it's not me).  You can skype on birthdays and special occasions.  You can skype to share news, or even play games.  I've played card games with my grandchildren once or twice.

All my children skype with me on my husband's birthday so we can remember "grandpa" and make it special. It's really hard to skype and find a day and time when your family is in 3 different time zones like mine is.  We've discovered that the Sunday when our church has "General Conference" is a good time for us to all get together for a group skype.

My son-in-law has a program where you add things to the callers while you're skyping, such as a mustache on someone, or funny hair, glasses, or a spider.  It's hilarious!

Videos. It's so easy to take videos of your children playing the piano or singing or playing soccor.  What a great way to keep grandparents in the loop of what their grandchildren are doing.

It's also fun to take videos of cousins/grandchildren teaching you how to do something--"This is how you do a cartwheel", or "This is how you make a peanut butter sandwich".  How about, "This is how you make a rainbow bracelet"--they're so popular right now!

Photographs. It goes without saying that everyone loves to see pictures of distant cousins, grandparents or new babies.  You can even have fun with photos in a creative way.  One day my 3 year old grandson was taking pictures with my camera.  Needless to say there were lots of photos with close ups of something or other.  So I sent a batch of these pictures to his cousins and said to guess what the pictures were of.  I told them I would send a prize to the families with the answers.  Sure enough, soon the emails came with the guesses, and I mailed out a pack of gum to all the families.

Do you have a photo program where you can distort the faces?  I used a free one I found on the internet and have never laughed so hard as when I was distorting my grown kids faces for some project I was sending them. (I can't find that program now.  Anyone know of a good one?) Be sensitive in distorting faces, though. One of my granddaughters was not so happy with her face and it made her cry. 

One time my daughter sent "Where's Waldo?"photos to all the cousins.  She told what object was hidden in each of the pictures, then the cousins had to look at the photos and find the object.  Fun!

Can you find the red flashlight?

Phone Calling. Whoops, I almost forgot this one--it's so easy to do! My son used to call me every Sunday to catch up on things we were both doing.  I love talking with my daughters (they're in 3 different states). Sometimes we talk once a week, and other times 3 times a day!

After my husband passed away, my brother called me from Texas every month for a year.  This meant so much to me and reminded me of how close we were when we were growing up together.

Texting. What would we do without texting?  My children and I who live in the same town text each other with "sunset alerts".  We LOVE to see AZ sunsets.  My out-of-state children have recently texted me with their weather alerts (-30 today and no school).  It's so easy to text:  "I love you!" or "Thinking of you!" or "what's up?".  I especially love getting a text from a grandchild.

Sunset alert!

Did I forget cards/letters?  Duh?! One of my favorite letters I received was from my grandson a few months ago.  It said, "Der grama, Just to let you no I have ben singing a lot of songs!  Love Kimball
do you like the dexrrashin? [decorations-there were music notes around the edges]" 

 Ahhh! I keep that letter on my freezer.  (I had visited Kimball a few months before the letter came and we had enjoyed singing lots of songs together.  Did my heart good!)

 Okay, so this has been a really long post.  Sorry.  It takes a lot of work sometimes, to keep your family close to you.  But it's some of the most important work you can do--and so fun and rewarding!  Send your ideas of what your family does to stay close, so we can all get more good ideas.

Thanks for reading,
Cathy

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Parenting Tip - Asking WHY?

Children go through stages.  One of the painful ones is the stage of asking "WHY?"  For months your child constantly asks, "why?" on every event, activity and issue you come across.  And it seems like their need to know never gets satisfied, because as soon as you answer the first "why", it is always followed by another "why".

But I think as parents, maybe WE should be asking ourselves, WHY?  Why am I doing what I'm doing, because it sure doesn't seem to be making a difference to my family.  Here are some things you might be struggling with and if you know the "why", it might give you encouragement to keep going.

Why am I a stay at home mother when we need more money and I can work while the kids are in school?
Why am I the one who has to set the mood for our family?
Why am I constantly having to teach my children to do their chores?
Why am I driving my kids to 5 different activities a week and getting stressed out?
Why do I have to fix dinner every day?

Two of the greatest gifts we can give our children is a sense of security and the knowledge that they are loved unconditionally.  When we think about these two gifts, we can see that a lot of the reasons why we do things is to give these gifts to our children.

Why do I stay home?  So I am there for my children when they are sick.  So I can catch teaching moments throughout the day to instill a truth into their hearts.  So I can give them a sense of security.  So I have time to prepare healthy meals and teaching moments.

Why am I the one who has to set the mood for our family?  Yeah, that seems totally unfair!  But it's a fact and hard things make you stronger.  You are the cornerstone of your family and have been entrusted with a great responsibility.

Why am I constantly having to teach my children to do their chores?  Because I am a teacher.  I teach children to be self sufficient and to be responsible so they can be mature adults.  It will take me a LONG time, but it is important for me to stick to it.

Why am I driving my kids to so many activities and stressing out?  Ummm, this is a hard one.  You might answer: so my children will have lots of opportunities to learn and grow.  But are they?  Or are you and they becoming stressed out?  Are you teaching, instead, that they are entitled to do everything that everyone else can do and teaching the lie, that "we can do it all".  The answer to this "why" may cause you to reconsider and change some things in your family.

Why do I have to fix dinner everyday?  So I can provide healthy food and teach my children to respect and care for their bodies.

Okay enough preaching and rambling.  I encourage you to look at WHAT you are doing and discover the WHY you are doing it.  It will help you to stick with it, or change it or tweak it or understand it.

Thanks for reading,

Cathy

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The Power of Unconditional Love

It’s been two and half weeks since my husband passed away.  My emotions have been up and down and all around several times a day.  My wonderful children have had to tell me repeatedly, that whatever I’m feeling is okay.  I can do no wrong.  Everything I’m feeling is right. 

For instance, my brothers drove from Texas, California and Utah to come to the funeral.  We have a close knit family and have always loved to play games together.  But during the days after the funeral I  couldn’t bring myself to go visit and play games with them.  I cloistered myself in my house, surrounded by my children and grandchildren and couldn’t interact with anyone else.  I felt guilty but my children reminded me that anything I felt was okay and no one was judging me.  My brothers understood and respected my need for seclusion.

As I pondered the gift of unconditional love my children and brothers gave me I thought of how powerful that gift was.  To know that I was loved for myself—not judged, and that anything I felt would be taken with an understanding heart by others was such a freeing and peaceful feeling.

Do we give our children unconditional love?  Do we accept their feelings, no matter how different they may be from ours and let them have those feelings?  Instead of saying things like “you shouldn’t be mad at your friend,” or “you shouldn’t be so sensitive,” maybe we could say things like “wow, you’re really upset about that” or “that really hurt your feelings didn’t it?”

There is power in communication--power in reaching heart to heart with our children, spouse and friends.  Letting our children talk about their feelings and explore them will help them own their feelings and learn how to control them.  Actions need to be controlled-you don’t hit because you’re mad, but you can be mad.  Then comes the teaching moments when you help your child explore why he is mad, and what he can do about it. 

We are all humans and we all have feelings.  Accepting our own feelings and others is a lifetime job.

Parenting Tip #66 Love Needs of Children

I used a valentine Bingo game for piano lessons this week. On the back of each heart it said what the student was to play. One of the hearts said to “kiss your mother” (my moms are always at the lesson since I teach Suzuki piano). It was very interesting and surprising to see the reaction this heart brought. Some girls jumped up and quickly went to the couch where their mother was sitting and gave her a kiss—which is what I expected to happen. Other girls made a face and didn’t want to. Most of the boys didn’t want to give their mother a kiss but one 10 year old boy said, “oh, that’s easy” and gave his mom a great big kiss.

How do you show love to your children? How do they show love to you? Are you a touchy-hugging sort of person or a business-like “do your homework, get your chores done, good night-now get in bed”sort of parent. Does your child cling or whine and hang around you constantly?

You probably have heard about the 5 love languages. http://www.5lovelanguages.com/learn-the-languages/the-five-love-languages/
Children also have a love language. http://www.mesacc.edu/dept/d46/psy/dev/Spring99/schoolage/love.html
Ask these questions to your child to find out what his/her primary love language is. http://crcpeninsula.org/Love_Languages_Children_Guiz.pdf

“In family life, love is the oil that eases friction, the cement that binds closer together, and the music that brings harmony.” Eva Burrows

“Whatever they grow up to be, they are still our children, and the one most important of all the things we can give to them is unconditional love. Not a love that depends on anything at all except that they are our children.” Rosaleen Dickson

Go show your child some love!