It’s been two and half weeks since my husband passed away. My emotions have been up and down and all around several times a day. My wonderful children have had to tell me repeatedly, that whatever I’m feeling is okay. I can do no wrong. Everything I’m feeling is right.
For instance, my brothers drove from Texas, California and Utah to come to the funeral. We have a close knit family and have always loved to play games together. But during the days after the funeral I couldn’t bring myself to go visit and play games with them. I cloistered myself in my house, surrounded by my children and grandchildren and couldn’t interact with anyone else. I felt guilty but my children reminded me that anything I felt was okay and no one was judging me. My brothers understood and respected my need for seclusion.
As I pondered the gift of unconditional love my children and brothers gave me I thought of how powerful that gift was. To know that I was loved for myself—not judged, and that anything I felt would be taken with an understanding heart by others was such a freeing and peaceful feeling.
Do we give our children unconditional love? Do we accept their feelings, no matter how different they may be from ours and let them have those feelings? Instead of saying things like “you shouldn’t be mad at your friend,” or “you shouldn’t be so sensitive,” maybe we could say things like “wow, you’re really upset about that” or “that really hurt your feelings didn’t it?”
There is power in communication--power in reaching heart to heart with our children, spouse and friends. Letting our children talk about their feelings and explore them will help them own their feelings and learn how to control them. Actions need to be controlled-you don’t hit because you’re mad, but you can be mad. Then comes the teaching moments when you help your child explore why he is mad, and what he can do about it.
We are all humans and we all have feelings. Accepting our own feelings and others is a lifetime job.
Well said and along with excepting our feelings is knowing we are not our feelings. Since our feelings flux so often I find comfort in knowing that I own my feelings but they are not who I am.
ReplyDeleteThanks for your comment and reminder. You are so right--I'm not my feelings, and don't want them to control me. Like years ago when I had a little bit of pms, I learned a little too slowly to have patience when I was feeling bad or angry and not react and then regret it later.
ReplyDeleteI've been thinking of and praying for you since I read your post early last week. This is going to be a very painful time for you. It may seem to last a very long time, but God understands and feels your pain with you. Let Him carry you at this time. I'm sure many friends and family are praying for you, too.
ReplyDeleteThank you for your comment "anonymous". I do feel peace and strength from all the prayers of my family and friends. What a blessing!
ReplyDeleteThank you, Cathy. Even in your mourning, you help others to see how they can help themselves, and their loved ones.
ReplyDeleteMay God strengthen you in your moments of grief.
Pat.
I read this post shortly after you wrote it and I've been pondering it a lot lately. Tonight, because of your words there was more peace and love in our home. Jeffrey was sad and upset about something that to me seemed silly and I almost told him so. Then your words came back to me that feelings aren't right or wrong. So, I was able to sit and talk with him and teach him that he can pray about anything and he can tell his Heavenly Father anything and his Heavenly Father can help him feel better. Thank you so much for taking the time to post about such a personal time for you, my family is better because of it.
ReplyDeleteOh, Velika, thank you so much for sharing that experience. I just hope I can keep remembering this lesson so I can give back unconditional love too.
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