Parenting Tip- Adult Whining

While I was writing the blog post about whining children, I began to get an uncomfortable feeling--did I whine--and to whom?

Dictionary.com's definition is:

to utter a low, usually nasal, complaining cry or sound, as from uneasiness, discontent, peevishness, etc.:The puppies were whining from hunger.to snivel or complain in a peevish, self-pitying way:He is always whining about his problems.verb (used with object), whined, whin·ing.to utter with or as if with a whine:I whined my litany of complaints.

 Suddenly I had memories of myself talking to my son about my laptop which wasn't working, and whining about not knowing how to fix it.  But worse, I remembered many of my prayers where I presented Heavenly Father a list of my problems and family members who needed help and asked Him to fix everything. Did I pray "in a peevish, self-pitying way" and "utter my prayers with or as if with a whine"?

I began to seriously think about how I prayed and pondered if I was whining when I prayed.
We are told to " Cry unto him over the crops of your fields, that ye may prosper in them.

25 Cry over the flocks of your fields, that they may increase.

26 But this is not all; ye must ^apour out your souls in your ^bclosets, and your secret places, and in your wilderness.

27 Yea, and when you do not cry unto the Lord, let your ^ahearts be ^bfull, drawn out in prayer unto him continually for your ^cwelfare, and also for the welfare of ^dthose who are around you.Alma 34: 24"

So if we are told to cry continually for our welfare, doesn't that sound like whining?  I decided it depends totally on our ATTITUDE and FEELINGS when we pray.

Do we pray with humbleness in our hearts? Do we acknowledge our love to our Father in Heaven and pray with this feeling of love and reverence?  Do we ask the Lord for His mercy and grace in our lives, knowing He loves us, too?  Do we have faith in accepting His timing as we pray over our problems and ask for help?  Do we acknowledge our willingness to grow in our struggles and see the strength we are receiving? Do we stop to see and thank Him for the tender blessings and mercies bestowed on us each day?  Do we rejoice and praise the Lord for His goodness and love?

If I can answer YES to each of those questions, then I realized I am not whining. Whew! I am actually talking to my Father in Heaven and discussing my needs and desires.  I am explaining my situation and trying to get help and understanding in solving my problems.  It's actually exhilarating, enabling and humbling to really talk with Heavenly Father on a one on one basis and listen for his direction and have His ideas come to my mind during my prayers.  

Prayer really can be a conversation, a discussion with my Father.  And when I am filled with love for and accept His love for me, then that conversation is never whining. 

Thanks for reading,

Cathy

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Parenting Tip-It's the little things that count!

I love reading about the thru hikers who hike the Appalachian Trail-- a 2,200 mile long trail that goes from Georgia to Maine. I dream that maybe some day I will hike it, but then I remember I don't like sleeping on the cold hard ground!  I bumped into a post on You Tube of a family of 7 hiking the whole trail (which takes several months) and the youngest child was only age two.  I watched several of their posts, envying their days of hiking and enjoying nature, that is, after it finally quit snowing for several weeks.  They were living a life with intention.

A couple of days ago I started reading a book about another family of 7 who took a year out of their normal lives to sail from the Caribbean to New York City with their five children (the youngest with Down Syndrome).  They had little money and little experience, but they had big dreams and lots of ambition.  They were living an intentional life.

Last night I started reading a book about following your ideas and dreams, though they may appear "stupid" and not achievable, and see where they can lead you.  Your idea may be the next million dollar start up business. 

I reflected on a conversation I had with a retired doctor who was volunteering at the same refugee center where I was teaching English.  I had asked him about his past and he told me his glorious life of traveling here and there and everywhere doctoring, teaching and doing wonderful things.  When I told him I had grown up on one street in Mesa and married and moved to the next street over and had raised my children there and still lived there--a street away from my parents-- he put his hand on my forehead and said, "Cathy, we need to get you some help!"

Yes, I have lived a pretty risk-free, non exciting sort of life.  I've only hiked a few miles on the Appalachian Trail when visiting grandchildren who live in Virginia, I have never been on a sailboat, but did get the courage, once, to ride on a water tube behind a boat in Tennessee. And I've never started a million dollar business from scratch , though I have had a piano studio for 43+ years.

I obviously could never write a book about my adventuresome life.  But I have lived a life that has been intentional, fulfilling and happy.  

I have intentionally stayed at home to raise, teach and nurture my children.  I have lived in one very small home with only one bathroom (for most of the time) and taught my children how to work, how to share and how to make do with what you have.

I have intentionally taught my children to love God and to serve others who not only live far away, but may live right in your neighborhood and are just as needy.

I have felt fulfilled as a mother as I watched all my children pay their way thru, and graduate from college, then marry fine individuals and are currently raising wonderful families.  I have felt fulfilled as a grandmother each time I babysit and play with my grandchildren.

I have felt overly and abundantly happy as I watch the sunset from my kitchen window while washing dishes, or hike in the desert with a cherished friend, or finally play a song on the banjo it has taken weeks to learn.

By small and simple things are great things brought to pass.
Alma 37:6-7

You don't have to do a great and grand adventure with your family.  You can, if you want.  But please don't underestimate the seemingly small and simple things you are doing every day.  The sense of peace and security you give to your children by living your "routinely, boring" day cannot be taken lightly.  It is HUGE! 

Take a close look at your day, at your life, and at your family and marriage.  Smile and acknowledge all the good you are doing.  Go be adventurous!  Go to the library, the museum, sit and help your child practice an instrument, draw, paint, run around in the backyard.  

Whoo whee!  Life is good!


Thanks for reading,

Cathy

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Parenting Tip- Make the most of 10 minutes a day

I was in Nauvoo volunteering in the costume department for most of the summer - 7 weeks.  I was helping with the Nauvoo Pageant, that takes place for one month every summer.  The British and Nauvoo Pageants tell the story of the missionary work that took place in Great Britain (for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints), the acceptance of the gospel by thousands of people there, and the exodus of those Saints in coming to Nauvoo to help build up the Church.  Then the martyrdom of the Prophet Joseph Smith and the exodus to Utah.

The following is an excerpt from an email I sent to my family:

This Nauvoo experience is taking me out of my comfort zone and making me grow and stretch.  This week I had to become more friendly, look out and befriend new volunteers who have come, ask for help and pray to be able to do hard things.  I have relied on the Savior's atonement and He has helped me learn and grow.

Someone pointed out to me all the things that have happened to me while being here serving:  my water pipe broke in the back yard, a tree in my front yard  has broken in half tearing out half the tree, and possibly ruining all of it, my laptop broke, but miraculously someone was able to fix it, my phone quit but I discovered I can use my kindle to read emails and books AND it has a camera. So yes, bad things have happened, but I have seen the Lord's hand in resolving most of them too.

I have been pondering about something here, and that is how much work and time and expense has gone into the little details that not many people notice.  Also, how important the details are and the importance of individuals--the ONE.  Example:  The pageant is put on for a month.  The core cast do the speaking and singing parts for the entire time.  But families come for 2 weeks at a time to perform the group parts and dancing.  Every week a new group comes (20-25 families).  They spend a week learning the dances and movements while watching the group from the week before who came a week before them, actually perform on stage.  Then their second week, they perform while the new families that have just come learn and watch them.  This entails directors and choreographers teaching the same dances and movements to a new group every week.  This means we rip out hems and wash costumes and remark hems and re sew hems on skirts and pants every week.  This means the logistics of housing and feeding families is huge.  BUT this means 125+ families get to participate and have their testimonies strengthened and renewed.  This means hundreds of individual lives are touched.

Another example:  There are two fabric temples used for the pageant.  One for rehearsals and one for the performance.  They are huge panels that are tall and hoisted up the tower every other night (they are used for the Nauvoo pageant, not the British pageant).  80 women in Utah sewed on them for 6 weeks several years ago.  They have cross stitching on them, soft sculpture, ribbons, applique, etc. Hundreds of hours were spent on the temple panels.  And they are used on stage for only 10 minutes during the pageant! 

I couldn't comprehend why all that work was done for a mere 10 minutes of show time.  But a new roommate came last night who helped sew on the temple panels.  In fact, it was her sister who was asked to make the panels.  She said women came every chance they could to work on them and she said what a privilege it was and how much they enjoyed doing it.  And when I said, "yes, but for only 10 minutes?"  She replied, "but they've been used for 15 years already and 10 minutes times 3 nights a week for 15 years is a lot of use!"

So I've been pondering:  what do I do, or could be doing for 10 minutes a day, that when added up, will effect my life dramatically?

What do I do, or could be doing for 10 minutes a day with my children, that when added up, will effect their lives dramatically?

Thanks for reading,

 Cathy

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Parenting Tip - "Not Shrinking" is More Important Than Surviving

Elder Neal A. Maxwell served as a member of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints (Mormon) for 23 years.  His last few years were spent painfully battling leukemia.  After undergoing chemotherapy, he was asked by Elder David Bednar, also an apostle in the LDS church, what lessons he had learned through his illness.  Elder Maxwell replied, "I have learned that not shrinking is more important than surviving."

Not shrinking?  What does that mean?

        The scriptures say:  

“Therefore I command you to repent—repent, lest I smite you by the rod of my mouth, and by my wrath, and by my anger, and your sufferings be sore—how sore you know not, how exquisite you know not, yea, how hard to bear you know not.

“For behold, I, God, have suffered these things for all, that they might not suffer if they would repent;

“But if they would not repent they must suffer even as I;

“Which suffering caused myself, even God, the greatest of all, to tremble because of pain, and to bleed at every pore, and to suffer both body and spirit—and would that I might not drink the bitter cup, and shrink—“Nevertheless, glory be to the Father, and I partook and finished my preparations unto the children of men”.  D&C 19:15-19

Again, the phrase, not shrink.  We know Christ did not shrink from the agony he suffered for us in the Garden of Gethsemane or on the hill of Golgotha. He did not shrink and he did much more than "survive".  He overcame!  He was triumph!  His path led to a glorious reward.  And while He was on that earthly path, He walked in love and humility, taught with gentleness and compassion and set the perfect example for us to follow.

How can we apply this concept to our lives, to our daily struggles, to our trials.  How can we not shrink and do more than just survive?

When we are tested, when we have situations arise that are not fun, be it financial loss, health issues, problems with children, depression or a myriad of other concerns, how do we face these situations?  By not shrinking from them, I picture us as meeting our problems head on.  We deal with them.  We have faith that they will pass and that a wise Father in Heaven will give us strength to get through them and learn from them.  

If we don't shrink, we have patience and longsuffering.  "But how long is longsuffering suppose to last," I ask myself?  "I do have patience.  But come on, how long do I have to have patience," I ask impatiently?????

If we don't shrink from our problems we are cheerful as we go through them.  We think positive thoughts, and are kind when we feel miserable, are gentle when we want to hit something or someone and refuse to let the adversary lead us into depression and bitterness. 

When I have big trials and problems, not shrinking is my goal.  But what about those little pesky or middle sized trials and problems.  What about a house too small for your family or a 3 year old who doesn't want to be potty trained?  What a spouse who doesn't agree with your spending values or a teenager who wants to be more independent? What about your boredom in staying home with the kids or your jealousy of your friend's slim body? Here's one, what about what to fix for dinner every night when you hate to cook?

The answer to not shrinking is the same for big or small problems and trials.  Face them.  Problem solve them. Pray for strength, insight and faith to overcome, learn and grow. Listen to the answers that will come.

Not shrinking is more important than surviving.  Surviving means you got through it.  Not shrinking means you were faithful, you learned and you made it to the end with glory and honor.

Here's to not shrinking!!

Thanks for reading,

Cathy

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Parenting Tip - The Little Acts of Love

Edward Kinghorn is a licensed Neuropsychologist and is currently the Psychology Department Chair at BYU Hawaii. He gave a talk telling about his experiences working as a counselor with the Red Cross after the attacks on the World Trade Center in New York in the Fall of 2001. 

Professor Kinghorn describes working with a Dr. Frances Menlove, who was a seasoned and experienced clinician.  She later was asked to give a guest sermon to the Lincoln City Congregational Church, United Church of Christ, on March 10, 2002.  These are her words describing what she saw inside the St. Paul's Chapel which is near Ground Zero.  St. Paul’s had been set aside as a sanctuary for workers who were still toiling around the clock to clear the debris of the Twin Towers and to search for human remains. "The entire chapel was covered with banners, hand-lettered posters, small and large pictures by school children expressing thanks and appreciation.  There were notes taped to the sides of very pew, up and down the aisle.  Several Banners hung from the balconies.

One four-by twelve-foot pennant had a multitude of hand-drawn green mittens, each signed by a child, with a headline that said “Warm your hearts with our mittens.”  Another huge streamer lined up dozens of red children’s hand prints to form the stripes of an American flag.  There were notes in the pews.  The one tucked in by me said: “Dear Hero, thank you for making us safe.  I like soccer.  I don’t like baseball.  Do you like soccer?  Your new friend, Craig.”

The altar was the only place unadorned by posters, notes and banners.  Several votive candles were burning.  In front of the altar, a flute player from the New York Symphony played lilting melodies.  There was a lot of quiet activity.  Along the back wall of the chapel sandwiches and soup were being served.  Along the left side of the chapel, tables held first-aid supplies, candies, lip balm, socks, aspirin—anything someone might want coming in from the cold after a shift of spirit-wrenching labor.  There was a bowl of power bars, each with a homemade valentine wrapped around it and held tight with a rubber band.  All were free for the taking.  In front of me, one man was lying down on the pew, apparently asleep.  Others were sitting in the pews eating, or just resting.  I didn’t know then that these workers had found four more bodies that morning.

A small enclosed area about eight feet square caught my attention on the right side of the chapel.  A large bronze plaque announced that this was George Washington’s pew, the place he worshiped on the day of his inauguration, April 30, 1789.  Right next to this official plaque was a large, carefully printed sign “Foot Care.”  The workers were having trouble with their feet, so it was decided to devote George Washington’s pew to “Foot Care.”  Each day a podiatrist volunteered.  One worker had his shoes off and another one was waiting to be examined as I sat scrunched in my own pew.

I remembered the Gospel of John:  Jesus got up from the table and tied a towel around himself.  Then he poured water into a basin and began to wash the disciples’ feet and to wipe them with the towel that was tied around him.  After he had washed their feet, had put on his robe, and had returned to the table, he said to them, “I have set you an example that you also should do as I have done to you” (v. 15)."

I was so impressed with this talk and thought about all the school teachers who were aching to do something,-- anything, to express their love and support to the survivors, to the families who were devastated and to the workers still addressing the horror of Sept 11.  I pictured the teachers talking to their students and deciding on what small act of service they could do.  I pictured the children coloring pictures, writing notes, and making valentines to cover a power bar and wrapping a rubber band around it, never knowing the impact their service would make.  Never knowing that a whole church would be covered with small acts of service.  Never knowing that I would read of their acts years later and still be profoundly touched by them.

Sometimes we never know how our actions make a difference in someone else's life. I had the privilege of  hearing how one small act of mine affected a friend. I had taken my teenage neighbors to the hospital to play our instruments and sing for my friend's husband.  He was in quarentine and we had to dress in special robes to enter his room.  He passed away several months later.  My friend wept as she told how, what I viewed as a small act of service, had brought so much love and comfort to her and her husband.

Valentine's Day is coming.  What can you and I do to brighten someone's day with a genuine message of love?
The first Valentine's Day after my husband passed away, my next door neighbor brought me flowers.  She said that was what my husband had done for her the first Valentine's Day after her husband had passed away. I never knew that he had done that.

Love.  Little Acts of Love. By small and simple things are great things brought to pass.

Thanks for reading,

Cathy
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Music Tip - Simplified Children's Song

I love the song the children are singing in my Church this year for Primary.  The melody is inspiring and the words ring so true.  It's called, I Know My Savior Lives.  It was composed by Tami Jeppson Creamer and Derena Bell.

I arranged a simplified version of it for my piano students and grandchildren to play.

Enjoy it!
Thanks for reading,
Cathy
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Music Tip - Free Christmas Music

Do you want to listen to beautiful Christmas music this season?  Here are some FREE sources that may interest you.

The Mormon Tabernacle Choir offers free downloads of 5 of their Christmas songs.  I LOVE the beautiful renditions they have.

The choir also has free 24/7 streaming.

Want to watch and listen to past or current episodes of Music and the Spoken Word?  Go here for their archives.

Want to watch and listen to past Christmas concerts?  Go here for archives.

Enjoy the wondrous, marvelous music of Christmas!

Thanks for reading,
Cathy
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Parenting Tip - He is the Gift

I had Family Home Evening with my sister and mother and father.  My sister invited us to see if we pictured or thought of something different each time she said the following sentence, as she emphasized a different word in the sentence.
HE is the Gift
He IS the Gift
He is THE Gift
He is the GIFT

It was interesting how in just changing one word, my idea and thoughts would change each time.

I hope you can share THE GIFT this season in your actions, thoughts, with your family and with others you meet.  I hope I can, too!

#ShareTheGift of our Savior and Redeemer, Jesus Christ.

Thanks for reading,

Cathy
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