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I heard a true story that has completely changed my attitude and actions. This high school boy heard about auditions for a singing group that would be touring internationally. He wanted to try out for it so he told his friend about it so they could audition together. His friend said, "we're not going to make it. Why even try?" The first boy said, "Because we have already NOT made it right now. But if we audition there is a chance that we WILL make it." So they auditioned and made it!
I can't draw and don't know how to water color. If I take a class, I'm not going to suddenly become Grandma Moses (a woman who became famous for her artwork which she picked up at age 78). But you already can't draw and water color. Taking a class will at least teach you the basics and get you going.
I want to teach ukulele classes again, but no one will sign up during this weird stage of COVID-19. You already are not teaching. Offer a class and see if anyone signs up. (so far 18 students have signed up--I had to offer 2 additional classes!)
You don't have a green thumb. You can't garden--everything you plant dies on you. Why bother to wish for a new landscaped backyard. You already have dead plants and an ugly backyard. Take a class to find out why they die. Look up ideas for a backyard and follow their lead. (I took an online class and found out about watering correctly, fertilizing and planting in the correct spot for the plant's needs. I looked up ideas, got professional help and have received numerous compliments on my backyard).
Now when I want to try something new, I think about where I am at and how I already don't know how to do it. But what is the harm in trying, and learning and growing. It's invigorating and fun!!
I love reading about the thru hikers who hike the Appalachian Trail-- a 2,200 mile long trail that goes from Georgia to Maine. I dream that maybe some day I will hike it, but then I remember I don't like sleeping on the cold hard ground! I bumped into a post on You Tube of a family of 7 hiking the whole trail (which takes several months) and the youngest child was only age two. I watched several of their posts, envying their days of hiking and enjoying nature, that is, after it finally quit snowing for several weeks. They were living a life with intention. A couple of days ago I started reading a book about another family of 7 who took a year out of their normal lives to sail from the Caribbean to New York City with their five children (the youngest with Down Syndrome). They had little money and little experience, but they had big dreams and lots of ambition. They were living an intentional life. Last night I started reading a book about following your ideas and dreams, though they may appear "stupid" and not achievable, and see where they can lead you. Your idea may be the next million dollar start up business. I reflected on a conversation I had with a retired doctor who was volunteering at the same refugee center where I was teaching English. I had asked him about his past and he told me his glorious life of traveling here and there and everywhere doctoring, teaching and doing wonderful things. When I told him I had grown up on one street in Mesa and married and moved to the next street over and had raised my children there and still lived there--a street away from my parents-- he put his hand on my forehead and said, "Cathy, we need to get you some help!" Yes, I have lived a pretty risk-free, non exciting sort of life. I've only hiked a few miles on the Appalachian Trail when visiting grandchildren who live in Virginia, I have never been on a sailboat, but did get the courage, once, to ride on a water tube behind a boat in Tennessee. And I've never started a million dollar business from scratch , though I have had a piano studio for 43+ years. I obviously could never write a book about my adventuresome life. But I have lived a life that has been intentional, fulfilling and happy. I have intentionally stayed at home to raise, teach and nurture my children. I have lived in one very small home with only one bathroom (for most of the time) and taught my children how to work, how to share and how to make do with what you have. I have intentionally taught my children to love God and to serve others who not only live far away, but may live right in your neighborhood and are just as needy.
I have felt fulfilled as a mother as I watched all my children pay their way thru, and graduate from college, then marry fine individuals and are currently raising wonderful families. I have felt fulfilled as a grandmother each time I babysit and play with my grandchildren. I have felt overly and abundantly happy as I watch the sunset from my kitchen window while washing dishes, or hike in the desert with a cherished friend, or finally play a song on the banjo it has taken weeks to learn. By small and simple things are great things brought to pass. Alma 37:6-7
You don't have to do a great and grand adventure with your family. You can, if you want. But please don't underestimate the seemingly small and simple things you are doing every day. The sense of peace and security you give to your children by living your "routinely, boring" day cannot be taken lightly. It is HUGE! Take a close look at your day, at your life, and at your family and marriage. Smile and acknowledge all the good you are doing. Go be adventurous! Go to the library, the museum, sit and help your child practice an instrument, draw, paint, run around in the backyard. Whoo whee! Life is good!
Thanks for reading, Cathy *************************************************************************************************
A young mom was talking to her single brother who had just sailed around the world on a sailboat by himself. She told him how brave she thought he was but he said, "Yeah, that's what everyone tells me, but it's YOU that's brave. It doesn't take bravery to sail around the world, just organization and a boat, You are the brave one. You work through problems in your marriage and don't give up and walk away. You teach your children continuously even when you don't think they're paying any attention to you. What you are doing takes bravery!"
"the bravery witnessed here
today will never be forgotten"
Well, yeah, that describes marriage, parenthood and life in general! I immediately think of potty training with the adjectives "courageous behavior, nerve and fearlessness."
You will need lots of brave moments during parenthood. Here are some situations that come readily to mind:
* Teaching your 15 year old how to drive takes intrepidity and nerve.
* Sending your first child off to kindergarten requires courage and valor.
* Changing your baby's poopy diaper that he has taken off and finger painted his crib with, needs daring and grit, not to mention stoutheartedness
* Inviting 10 giggly girls to your house for your daughter's birthday party will take fearlessness and dauntlessness.
* Buying two dozen cookies for your child's Halloween party at school, then going back to the store to buy a poster board for your jr high school daughter's science project due tomorrow plus taking in dinner to a neighbor with a new baby requires pluck, spine and dauntlessness.
The sentence that the dictionary supplied "the bravery witnessed here today will never be forgotten" could be paired with so many scenarios.
Mom, age 34, just finished mopping the floor, only to have muddy footprints tracked across it by her 3 and 5 year old sons who have been outside playing in the mud from the recent rain storm. Mom bit her tongue and refrained from screaming, yelling and throwing things. The bravery witnessed here today will never be forgotten.
or
Dad, age 40, walks in the door from a tiring day at work to find two sick children who have both just upchucked all over the new couch and carpet. Upon looking for his wife, he finds her sick in bed doing the same thing. Dad cleans up the messes, opens a can of chicken noodle soup for dinner, washes the dishes and tells his wife he will take off work tomorrow. The bravery witnessed here today will never be forgotten.
It takes courageous behavior--bravery--to be a parent who is on call 24/7, rain or shine, day or night, feeling healthy or not. It takes bravery to even bring children into this world with all its skewed sense of right and wrong and what is important in life. It takes bravery plus faith and hope to go through each day with all its myriad challenges and expectations. It takes bravery to be a stay at home mom, fighting boredom, repetitiveness and un-appreciation from your family. And it takes bravery to leave your children every day to go to work because it's what you have to do.
But you know what? The bravery witnessed every day by what you do will never be forgotten. Not by God who loves you, or eventually by your children and husband nor even by you, now that you know how BRAVE you are.
So stand a little taller.
Smile a little longer.
And get out there again and do it. Because:
I just read this article on the New York Post, which I LOVE:
"This week, a study came
out confirming that narcissists are largely bred, not born. The study,
conducted by the University of Amsterdam and Ohio State University,
found that “narcissism in children is cultivated by parental
overvaluation: parents believing their child to be more special and more
entitled than others.” (That’s scientific-speak for Special Snowflake
Syndrome, and the researchers are talking about the other parents at
your youth league soccer practice.)
This is great news, because it means there are steps we can take to prevent unleashing more little egotists on the world.
And this is bad news, because these steps are actually pretty
common-sense; the study cited parental warmth, not praise, as a
counterbalance to the trend. It’s also kind of depressing that we’ve
even come to a point where narcissism — the increase of which
contributes to societal problems such as aggression and violence,
according to the research — has become so widespread that an entire
study was conducted in the first place. (Then again, selfie sticks are
now sold in drugstores for $24.95, so the mystery ends there.)
Anyone who’s spent time with a toddler recently does not need to be
told that narcissism is the status quo in children. Remember how Martin
Luther King Jr. once said that the moral arc of the universe is long,
but it bends toward justice? In kids, it bends toward narcissism.
After all, we are talking about a segment of the population that sees
nothing wrong in waking their parents up at 4 a.m. to demand pancakes
and episodes of “Dinosaur Train.”
And that’s why parents exist. It’s partly to keep their kids clothed
and fed and safe and loved, and partly to prevent them from becoming
Caligula.
The way to raise a narcissist is pretty evident: Tell your child they
are wonderful, the very best, the most special of the specials on the
sports field and the classroom and in the country and possibly on the
planet — and keep telling them that. Or, just be a narcissist yourself.
Done. Cool, we’ve settled that. Children need to accept that they’ll hear “no” in life — and it’s best for them to learn this early.Photo: Shutterstock.com
But what if you’d like to raise someone who’s confident, kind and aware of others?
Here are nine ways to make sure your child doesn’t become a narcissist. Say no. A recent school of thought seems to treat
“no” as a kind of ultimate buzzkill, a tamping down on childish
creativity and artistic self-expression. This is nuts. It’s fine to tell
your children no, especially when they’re trying to set something on
fire. In fact, a lot of life is being told no and then trying to come up
with alternative plans. They might as well learn this young, so it
doesn’t come as a shock five minutes into their first job. Teach them basic manners. A lack of manners is the
ultimate form of narcissism. Whether it’s someone who is rude to
waiters, has bad table manners or can’t be bothered to dress for the
occasion, lack of manners is signaling to the world that you have no
need to conform to any silly “social codes” or “basic ideas of decency,”
and that all that counts is your own comfort. But wait, you say. There
are plenty of well-mannered narcissists! Yes, but they’re a lot more
pleasant than the ones who sneeze into their dinner napkins or take food
off your plate without asking. Teach them how to manage frustration. Much has been written about
good old-fashioned grit, a person’s ability to confront failure and
learn from it. Studies have found it to be one of the best indicators of
later happiness in adults. Teach a kid how to overcome adversity, and
you’re also teaching him or her about disappointment, another invaluable
life lesson that’s cut off when parents attempt to cocoon their
children from anything unpleasant. Pull a Louie. There was a fantastic episode of
“Louie” a few seasons back where his daughter is enraged because her
sister got something that she didn’t.
“Listen,” he says. “You’re never gonna get the same things as other
people. It’s never gonna be equal. It’s not gonna happen ever in your
life, so you must learn that now, OK? The only time you should look in
your neighbor’s bowl is to make sure that they have enough. You don’t
look in your neighbor’s bowl to see if you have . . . as much as them.”
Pretty much everything Louis C.K. has to say about parenting is dead on,
so if you’re looking for more pointers and great life lessons, just cue
up your Netflix account. Be kind. To other people, not just your child. This
one might seem painfully obvious, but it’s worth remembering that your
kids don’t just notice how you treat them — they notice how you interact
with the world. You know how some of the most successful people are the
ones who are unfailingly lovely to everyone, from shoe shiners to CEOs?
People like that lead by example, creating wonderful environments to be
emulated. Parents who are rude to everyone but their children are
sending a message that there are people who matter (their kids!) and
people who don’t (everyone else!). Traveling
with your kids will reinforce that it is not acceptable to simply exist
in a bubble of people who reflect their own worldview.Photo: Shutterstock.comTravel with them. Take trips with your kids, whether
it’s to another country, another state or even a town nearby that’s
completely different from the one you live in. It doesn’t have to be
expensive. A change of scenery will be enough to reinforce to your kids
that not everyone lives the way they do: that life goes on differently
in other places, that people come from different races and nationalities
and economic situations, and that it is not acceptable to simply exist
in a bubble of people who reflect their own worldview. Love and approval are different. Loving your kids
unconditionally is one thing, but that love doesn’t need to translate
into constant, unconditional, 24/7 approval and praise of everything
they do. You can love someone while redirecting their behavior or being
disappointed by their actions. The two aren’t mutually exclusive. A recent study found that reading fiction helps people improve their empathy.Photo: Shutterstock.comRead to them. A recent study found
that reading fiction helps people improve their empathy, because it
encourages them to place themselves in others’ lives and understand
their actions. In that way, reading is like traveling — with your mind. Run errands with them. Not all of life can be
fascinating, interesting and wonderful, and no lesson reinforces that
better than bringing your kids along on some errands. While the recent
parenting emphasis on “quality time” is fine, boredom is its own
powerful life lesson. So is the message that you have to spend a portion
of each day doing things that are necessary, though not magical, and
that not every activity revolves around kids. It’s also a great time to
bond with your kids in a casual, low-pressure setting."
Great ideas to think about for this coming new year.
“Courageous Parenting”, that’s the title of a speech given by Elder Larry R. Lawrence at a past Church conference and he says it is a “good theme for parents.” http://lds.org/general-conference/2010/10/courageous-parenting?lang=eng The youth are a primary target to whom Satan is directing his attention and parents need to be courageous as they counsel and teach their children.
Parents need to be courageous as they teach their youth about modesty. Don’t be afraid to say, “No, you may not wear that blouse”, and “Yes, we’ll buy the more expensive swimming suit because it is modest.”
Parents need to be courageous in saying, “No, you may not sleepover at your friend’s house,” and “Yes, you may stay until 11:00 and then I’ll drive you back in time for breakfast.”
Parents need to be courageous in limiting the time their children play video games and what type they play. Parents need to be courageous on insisting everyone eats dinner together at the dinner table (with no t.v.). Parents need to be courageous in saying “No” to steady dating, and “Yes” to group dating at age 16.
Curfew, friends, activities, dress, school, the list goes on and on. Courageous parenting, indeed.
Our children are under a lot of peer pressure. But I felt more peer pressure from other parents when my kids were teens than I ever did as a teenager myself! Other parents would let their children do this and that, but we wouldn’t let ours. Talk about pressure!
Courage was our answer—courage to stay true to our beliefs. That, and wonderful children who trusted their parents and had courage to obey their counsel.
