Parenting Tip - Might As Well Try!

 I heard a true story that has completely changed my attitude and actions.  This high school boy heard about auditions for a singing group that would be touring internationally.  He wanted to try out for it so he told his friend about it so they could audition together.  His friend said, "we're not going to make it.  Why even try?"  The first boy said, "Because we have already NOT made it right now.  But if we audition there is a chance that we WILL make it."  So they auditioned and made it!

I can't draw and don't know how to water color.  If I take a class, I'm not going to suddenly become Grandma Moses (a woman who became famous for her artwork which she picked up at age 78).  But you already can't draw and water color.  Taking a class will at least teach you the basics and get you going.

I want to teach ukulele classes again, but no one will sign up during this weird stage of COVID-19. You already are not teaching. Offer a class and see if anyone signs up.   (so far 18 students have signed up--I had to offer 2 additional classes!)

You don't have a green thumb.  You can't garden--everything you plant dies on you.  Why bother to wish for a new landscaped backyard.   You already have dead plants and an ugly backyard.  Take a class to find out why they die. Look up ideas for a backyard and follow their lead.  (I took an online class and found out about watering correctly, fertilizing and planting in the correct spot for the plant's needs.  I looked up ideas, got professional help and have received numerous compliments on my backyard).

Now when I want to try something new, I think about where I am at and how I already don't know how to do it.  But what is the harm in trying, and learning and growing.  It's invigorating and fun!!

My first sunflower!

learning to write with fancy fonts... 

one of my fairy gardens

Parenting Tip - Transitions in Life

Last month I turned 70 years old.  I have dreaded this day for several years.  In fact, I have dreaded it so much, that I completely ruined my 69th year by thinking constantly of turning 70 and so I didn't even appreciate my last year in the 60's decade.

The reason I have dreaded turning 70 was because this puts me in the "old people's" decade.  I feel like those are the people with gray hair and achy joints, who stand up slowly, are hard of hearing and go to bed at 9 pm.  The world categorizes them as "has beens" and that is how I thought my life would become.

But my hair is still brown (with lots of gray).  My joints don't hurt (knock on wood).  I have noticed, though ,that I can't hear high pitches and some nights I'm anxious to go to bed early, so I see myself sliding into being "old."  But I have so much energy still.  I want to continue teaching music and I want to travel and be an important person in my children and grandchildren's lives.  I don't want to be old and gray and sit in a rocking chair.

And to that mental turmoil I was experiencing in comes the pandemic with quarantine and life routine changes, closures and major upheaval.  Now I really am sitting at home doing nothing day after day.  My nightmare is real!

So I had a mid-life crisis.  I had a melt down. I had to talk seriously to myself and my God and get a handle on this new life.  Here is what I came up with:

*Life is in 3 parts:  Single life - birth to marriage (23 years) Wife/Mother – (age 23-61, 38 years)

Widow/Retirement (age 61-99, 38 years)  These years are based on my life.

*The last third of my life is as long as my middle life! 

*I’ve already lived 9 years of  my third life and have possibly 25+ years more---that’s a lot of time. 

*What am I going to do with it?  (I come from ancestors who lived a long life, so that’s what I’m counting on)

*I’m definitely not a “has been”.  I have interests, passions and goals.  I have a lot more things I need to accomplish and do. 

*This is my third life and I need to relish it, enjoy it, and keep learning, serving and loving.

I felt better about my life after figuring all of that out.  But with COVID-19 I can’t keep teaching as a service missionary, I can’t serve at the temple, and I can’t teach my music groups.  Then I remembered my 2020 yearly goal is to ACCEPT the season of life I’m in, accept the season of the year that’s here and accept others as they are.  So I had to figure out what I could do during this time of life.  I felt like if I knew what my values were, and did things each day that involved them, then I would feel like I was accomplishing things.

The values I decided on were: *Learn something new *Serve others *Seek Christ *Teach others

 I realized I have been doing things which include those values and so I feel much better about how I am spending my days.  I have a purpose in life.  I have goals.  I'm learning lots of new music on my banjo, ukulele and mandolin.  I'm looking for Just Serve projects and doing them.  I love reading the scriptures and learning from Come Follow Me podcasts.  I'm teaching my grandchildren through the marco polo app and doing science projects at my home.

I AM NOT A HAS BEEN!  

Watch out people.  Here I come with 70 years experience.  Welcome to the next third of my life!!

Thanks for reading,

Cathy

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Parenting Tip - What Can I Do?

The last 3 months have been the strangest I have ever lived through.  I never thought in my wildest imagination that I would see the world shut down.  That businesses would close their doors.  That people would stay quarantined inside their homes for weeks and now months on end.  That my sons and son-in-law who live in 4 different states would be working from home.  That school marques would say, "School closed until further notice." That a pandemic the size of the whole world would bring the world intimately closer together.

And then, just as the world was beginning to loosen it's hold on the stringent methods it had to use to forestall the deaths of possibly millions of people, one person is brutally killed and everything is turned upside down again.

I have read many view points on the killing of the black man by the policeman and have wondered at the rioting, hate and crime that have insued.  I feel the pain of those people who are so often ridiculed, persecuted and unjustly accused and slandered.  I have felt embarrased and chastened by my own lack of understanding and ignorance of the racial issue.  I have pondered on what I can do.  Is there something that I can do to reduce the racial hatred that is consuming so many people? 

I am only one person and touch only a few people's lives.  My small pebble dropped in the pond only creates a small ripple.  But it does create a ripple.  It does move outward and who knows what other small ripples it may touch.

So what can I do? 

I can teach.
 My children are grown, but I have grandchildren and I can teach them to love and accept others who are different from themselves.  My nephew Bradley's wife, Kailei, posted on Facebook a list of books we can read to our children.  I borrowed one and read it to my grandchildren on Marco Polo today and bore my testimony that God loves all His children and made us different so we can help each other.

I can feel empathy.  A biracial family I know feels sad and threatened.  Wouldn't they appreciate someone recognizing their pain and hurt from past occasions and welcome a treat and note of love?

I can acknowledge another's humanness (yep, that's a word).  When I fly on a plane, I notice that the seats next to black, brown, Muslim, poor, and fat people are the last seats to get taken.  It is obvious that others are avoiding sitting next to them.  What if I chose to sit by someone different from me and acknowledged them?  What message would I be saying without saying a word?

I'm ready to look around and see what small things I can do.  I'm ready to listen to the still small voice whispher what small things I can do.  Because "by small and simple things are great things brought to pass." Alma 37:6

Thanks for reading,

Cathy
PS I chose to read this particular book to my grandchildren because of an experience I had several years ago and again just recently.  The Proudest Blue is about a young girl who begins 6th grade and wears a hijab for the first time.  Several years ago when I was teaching school, a mother came up to me on the first day of school with her daughter and said this was the first day she would be wearing a hijab to school.  She wanted me to talk to the class and explain a little bit about her daughter's new headwear so the children wouldn't make fun of her. I was happy to do this and happy to find out more of the reason for wearing a hijab.

And then recently, for the past 1 1/2 years I have been teaching English to women from Somalia who  all wear hijabs.  I have gotten to know these women and love them.  I admire their desire to dress modestly and respect their beliefs.

We are all different.  We are all loved by God. 


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Parenting Tip- Adult Whining

While I was writing the blog post about whining children, I began to get an uncomfortable feeling--did I whine--and to whom?

Dictionary.com's definition is:

to utter a low, usually nasal, complaining cry or sound, as from uneasiness, discontent, peevishness, etc.:The puppies were whining from hunger.to snivel or complain in a peevish, self-pitying way:He is always whining about his problems.verb (used with object), whined, whin·ing.to utter with or as if with a whine:I whined my litany of complaints.

 Suddenly I had memories of myself talking to my son about my laptop which wasn't working, and whining about not knowing how to fix it.  But worse, I remembered many of my prayers where I presented Heavenly Father a list of my problems and family members who needed help and asked Him to fix everything. Did I pray "in a peevish, self-pitying way" and "utter my prayers with or as if with a whine"?

I began to seriously think about how I prayed and pondered if I was whining when I prayed.
We are told to " Cry unto him over the crops of your fields, that ye may prosper in them.

25 Cry over the flocks of your fields, that they may increase.

26 But this is not all; ye must ^apour out your souls in your ^bclosets, and your secret places, and in your wilderness.

27 Yea, and when you do not cry unto the Lord, let your ^ahearts be ^bfull, drawn out in prayer unto him continually for your ^cwelfare, and also for the welfare of ^dthose who are around you.Alma 34: 24"

So if we are told to cry continually for our welfare, doesn't that sound like whining?  I decided it depends totally on our ATTITUDE and FEELINGS when we pray.

Do we pray with humbleness in our hearts? Do we acknowledge our love to our Father in Heaven and pray with this feeling of love and reverence?  Do we ask the Lord for His mercy and grace in our lives, knowing He loves us, too?  Do we have faith in accepting His timing as we pray over our problems and ask for help?  Do we acknowledge our willingness to grow in our struggles and see the strength we are receiving? Do we stop to see and thank Him for the tender blessings and mercies bestowed on us each day?  Do we rejoice and praise the Lord for His goodness and love?

If I can answer YES to each of those questions, then I realized I am not whining. Whew! I am actually talking to my Father in Heaven and discussing my needs and desires.  I am explaining my situation and trying to get help and understanding in solving my problems.  It's actually exhilarating, enabling and humbling to really talk with Heavenly Father on a one on one basis and listen for his direction and have His ideas come to my mind during my prayers.  

Prayer really can be a conversation, a discussion with my Father.  And when I am filled with love for and accept His love for me, then that conversation is never whining. 

Thanks for reading,

Cathy

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Parenting Tip-The Whining Child

I just spent 2 1/2 weeks babysitting my 21 month year old granddaughter.  It was so fun because she lives out of state and I don't get to see her very often.

My daughter plays in a string quartet and her quartet was performing and teaching in another state.

So I went with them to babysit during the times my daughter was rehearsing or teaching.  My granddaughter always cried when mommy had to leave, but here are two things I used that worked like  magic to help her be happy:
**SINGING!  Let's see, I wonder how many times I sang Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star, The Wheels on the Bus and Old MacDonald while driving in the car?  I would venture to say at least 100 times each!  I also made up songs and was often impressed with my rhyming skills, though no one else above the age of 21 months ever heard me to appreciate my talents.
**DISTRACTION  The name of the game with unhappy toddlers, even older kids, is to distract them.  I distracted my granddaughter by playing with toys, reading books, playing with play doh, etc.

When mommy wasn't teaching or rehearsing, her toddler was often whining at her.  This drives my daughter crazy because she does it so much at their house too.  So I decided to look up why toddlers/children whine and what to do about it.  All the articles I read agreed with each other.

Children whine because they don't know how to express their emotions and needs. They want someone to pay attention to them and they get frustrated when their needs are not met.  So they cry or start to whine.

All the articles I read about whining offered the same basic ways to cure whining:
1.  Understand that your child is whining for a reason.  Is she tired, hungry, sick, overwhelmed with too much stimulus, her scheduled has changed, late bedtime, teething, the list goes on and on and on.
2.  Explain what whining is and ask your child to say what he wants in a normal voice.  Then respond immediately.  This doesn't mean you necessarily give him what he wants (I understand you want to play longer, but now it's time to go home from the park.  Thanks for letting me know what you wanted), but if you are kneeling down looking him in the face, he knows you have heard him and at least have understood his needs.
3.  Spend quality time with your child each day.  Give her your full attention, hugs and kisses.  No phones or distractions.  Be in the present and enjoy your child.
4.  Look at your needs.  Are YOU stressed, tired, overwhelmed?
5.  One mother who blogged about whining cut out all screen time except on the weekend.  Instead of using screens as a babysitter so she could get something done, she used real toys and books instead. Be creative:  use kitchen gadgets as toys, recycled materials, pour rice with measuring cups into a bowl, water paint on rocks.

Some children whine more than others.
Some days/weeks are better/worse than others.
Some parents are more sensitive to whining then others.

But knowledge is power, and if you know what to try, even though all days won't be perfect, you will be more patient with your child--and yourself.

My next blog post will tell how I discovered I WAS WHINING, and to whom!



Thanks for reading,

Cathy