Parenting Tip - Transitions in Life

Last month I turned 70 years old.  I have dreaded this day for several years.  In fact, I have dreaded it so much, that I completely ruined my 69th year by thinking constantly of turning 70 and so I didn't even appreciate my last year in the 60's decade.

The reason I have dreaded turning 70 was because this puts me in the "old people's" decade.  I feel like those are the people with gray hair and achy joints, who stand up slowly, are hard of hearing and go to bed at 9 pm.  The world categorizes them as "has beens" and that is how I thought my life would become.

But my hair is still brown (with lots of gray).  My joints don't hurt (knock on wood).  I have noticed, though ,that I can't hear high pitches and some nights I'm anxious to go to bed early, so I see myself sliding into being "old."  But I have so much energy still.  I want to continue teaching music and I want to travel and be an important person in my children and grandchildren's lives.  I don't want to be old and gray and sit in a rocking chair.

And to that mental turmoil I was experiencing in comes the pandemic with quarantine and life routine changes, closures and major upheaval.  Now I really am sitting at home doing nothing day after day.  My nightmare is real!

So I had a mid-life crisis.  I had a melt down. I had to talk seriously to myself and my God and get a handle on this new life.  Here is what I came up with:

*Life is in 3 parts:  Single life - birth to marriage (23 years) Wife/Mother – (age 23-61, 38 years)

Widow/Retirement (age 61-99, 38 years)  These years are based on my life.

*The last third of my life is as long as my middle life! 

*I’ve already lived 9 years of  my third life and have possibly 25+ years more---that’s a lot of time. 

*What am I going to do with it?  (I come from ancestors who lived a long life, so that’s what I’m counting on)

*I’m definitely not a “has been”.  I have interests, passions and goals.  I have a lot more things I need to accomplish and do. 

*This is my third life and I need to relish it, enjoy it, and keep learning, serving and loving.

I felt better about my life after figuring all of that out.  But with COVID-19 I can’t keep teaching as a service missionary, I can’t serve at the temple, and I can’t teach my music groups.  Then I remembered my 2020 yearly goal is to ACCEPT the season of life I’m in, accept the season of the year that’s here and accept others as they are.  So I had to figure out what I could do during this time of life.  I felt like if I knew what my values were, and did things each day that involved them, then I would feel like I was accomplishing things.

The values I decided on were: *Learn something new *Serve others *Seek Christ *Teach others

 I realized I have been doing things which include those values and so I feel much better about how I am spending my days.  I have a purpose in life.  I have goals.  I'm learning lots of new music on my banjo, ukulele and mandolin.  I'm looking for Just Serve projects and doing them.  I love reading the scriptures and learning from Come Follow Me podcasts.  I'm teaching my grandchildren through the marco polo app and doing science projects at my home.

I AM NOT A HAS BEEN!  

Watch out people.  Here I come with 70 years experience.  Welcome to the next third of my life!!

Thanks for reading,

Cathy

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Music Tip - The Rhythm of Life

You've heard the phrase, "variety is the spice of life".  I think it should be changed to "rhythm is the spice of life" and I agree with Maya Angelou, an American Poet who said, "everything has rhythm, everything dances." 

Look at your children and their rhythm and dancing as they play, whine, read, eat and avoid their bedtime.  You probably haven't thought about them having rhythm and dancing during these times, but they do.  Think about a toddler who does the same repetitive activity like putting blocks in a container and dumping them out, over and over again.  Or the child who whines in a steady, nonstopable stream of complaining.

So I say, let's be proactive Moms.  Let's use this inherent rhythm our children have to our advantage.  Here are some examples of things you could do:

You're driving in the car with your children and they're tired and hungry.  Every intersection you come to has a red light.  You suddenly start chanting, "turn green, turn green, turn green" and immediately your children begin chanting with you.  When the light changes you all clap and say yeah!  Then as you approach an intersection with a green light showing you chant, "stay green, stay green, stay green."  Suddenly the atmosphere in your car is one of "funness" and your children are totally distracted from their hunger pains.

The bedtime fight is about to begin.  You start chanting and clapping, "bedtime, bedtime, pj-time, bedtime" as you help your child get into his pajamas.  Then you chant, "bedtime, bedtime, brush your teeth, bedtime", and again start brushing teeth.  Go through your whole bedtime routine, chanting, and doing the actions of getting ready for bed.  Then change your voice to whispering and slowly chant, "sleep time sleep time, close your eyes and sleep time."  Maybe you could continue whispering and stroking your child's face or body softly as you say, "I love you time, I love you time, kiss and hugs, I love you time."  

The house is cluttered with toys, you're fixing dinner, the baby is crying, the older kids are fighting instead of doing their homework and the noise is escalating. Suddenly you chant these words to the rhythm of "We Will Rock You": 

Who will,   who will,    help me? (clap, stomp, stomp, clap)

Who will,   who will,    help me? (clap, stomp, stomp, clap)

Then proceed to give directions in the same rhythm-ee way. 

Your children will probably look at you in disbelief, but the weirdness of  their mother acting like this will be so novel, they might just obey you.

So I say to all you Moms out there:
Try it,   try it,  try it! (clap, stomp, stomp, clap)
Try it,   try it,  try it! (clap, stomp, stomp, clap)

Thanks for reading,

Cathy

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Parenting Tip - BRR (Bedtime Reminiscence Routine)

My daughter in law told me something she does with my 17 month old grandson as part of his bedtime routine.  As she rocks him in the rocking chair, she goes over all the events of the day.  She enumerates what he ate for breakfast and how he played with his toys.  She mentions his nap time and lunch and anything else they did during the day.  Then she talks about when Daddy came home and they ate dinner, and how Daddy played with him and put his pajamas on. She said she discovered that when she does this and then puts him in his crib, he lays there peacefully without fussing.  But if she doesn’t go over the day’s routine, he seems to always cry when she puts him in bed and it takes longer for him to settle down.  Interesting, isn’t it?

 

I wonder if my daughter in law has counted up all the valuable skills she is teaching my grandson.  She is helping him learn about time value, and chronological order, about sequencing and prepositions like before and after.  She is teaching him science and astronomy as she talks about the sun shining during the day and the moon coming out at night, about climate and weather when she talks about the rain and the wind.  She’s teaching the days of the week.  She’s increasing his vocabulary as she uses adjectives to describe the soft fur on the bunny and the delicious taste of applesauce.

 

 I've been learning about autistic children and how they need structure and routine to their day. They even benefit from visual sequencing of their daily activities.  When their routine is changed or they are confused about what is happening, then a major meltdown can ensue.  My grandson is not autistic but he is approaching his “terrific twos” and anything that can help in making his life be more structured and less frustrating is good for not only him, but Mom too.

 

Wow. Who would have thought so much learning could come from 3 minutes of bedtime reminiscing?

Music Tip #80 Recipe for Getting Hyper Kids into Sleeping Kids

My daughter called me one night with what she called her “homemade recipe for getting-wound-up-hyper-kids to sleep”.  She said it works like a charm every time. 

This is what you do: with your child lying in his bed, you pat his back while singing a song to him, but you’re patting very quickly, kind of matching his wound up energy level. Then you sing the song again, but this time pat a little slower. 

You sing the song 2 more times, and with each repetition you pat slower than the time before.  And wholah!  Your child has calmed down and in my daughter’s case the night she called me, her son was sound asleep—in just 4 times of singing the song with the gradual slowing down on each repetition!  She said this works for her 8 year too.

In musical terms, you pat 8ths notes the first time you sing the song. Pat quarter notes the second time, half notes the third time and whole notes the fourth time.  Wow!  Try it out tonight!

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