Parenting Tip - Daily Checklist for my Children

Are you a LIST person?  Do you make lists and check them off?  I definitely am a list person--so is my mother--so are my 3 daughters.  If I do something during the day that isn't on my list, I write it on just so I can check it off.

So you can imagine my excitement when hearing about the book: The Checklist Manifesto: How to Get Things Right by Atul Gawande.  It was a great read.  Atul Gawande is a surgeon in the United States.  He is concerned about the errors made by the medical field when treating patients and though he realizes the complexity and variety of medical issues and treatments there are, he wonders if some sort of "checklist" can be used to lessen the degree of errors--and deaths.

Dr. Gawande studied and interviewed people in the airline industry.  We are all acquainted with a pilot's checklist, the one he goes through before taking off.  What ideas could the medical field use from their checklist?  The author also researched the skyscraper industry; how do they ensure they are building safe skyscrapers with all the steps that are required to build something that tall?

Reading this book made me excited to apply the author's ideas into my own life.  How could a checklist help me make sure I am living my life without "error" and that I am building the best person I can build?

I remember as a young mother discussing this very idea with two close friends.  I made a list of what I wanted my children to learn before they became adults and then set goals to make sure I was teaching them properly. 

I wondered what a mother would put on a daily checklist.  Here's an idea:

 

There's no mention of music lessons, sports, or gymnastics on the daily checklist.  While those activities do enhance and develop your child's abilities, they certainly aren't required to produce an outstanding, responsible young adult.                                                                                                  

 So what would you put on a daily checklist?  Did I forget some essential items?

Thanks for reading,
Cathy

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Parenting Tip - Simplify and Enjoy

After a family dinner last night where we used paper plates--I love them for a quick and easy clean up--my daughter reminisced about how after dinner, my husband would always fold his paper plate in half, then in fourths and stick it in his fork tongs to throw away.  A fun memory of Dad that we saw him do over and over every night--never realizing that after he was gone, this would become a cherished memory.

Did you catch that I said over and over every night?  Yes, I must confess that for about 10 years we always ate dinner on paper plates.  Now first I hasten to tell you that we didn't have a dish washer--still don't--so I was the dish washer.  And this started after my fourth baby was born.  I decided I needed some simplification in my life what with having a new baby and 3 very active young boys. I told my husband we were going to use paper plates for a months or so...just till I got back on my feet.

Many years later....and several more babies later.....I realized we were still eating on paper plates.  By this time I had older children who had become the dish washers, so we switched over to real plates.

I never felt guilty about using paper plates and clogging the garbage dump with more paper.  I never felt guilty about the expense of buying paper plates.  I just thoroughly enjoyed the ease they gave to my hectic dinner routine.

Do you have something you use that helps simplify your life, even though it could be classified as a "luxury"?  Do you use Rhodes frozen dough instead of making your own?  How about expensive spices or baby food in a jar instead of blending your own?  Do you subscribe to cable so you have a better choice of good entertainment?

There are lots of things we probably spend our money on, that we could call luxuries, and could save money if we did without them.

But.

There's a time and place for everything.  So if now is the time and place.

Enjoy your little luxuries and......

DON'T FEEL GUILTY!

Thanks for reading,

Cathy
 PS.  What do you do that helps simplify your life, schedule, routine?  Leave a comment and tell us.

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Parenting Tip - Housework Scavenger Hunt

 Summer is here for lots of you moms out there.  Now is the time to get some strategies going so that you have a successful and happy summer.  My daughter just emailed what she was doing today and I thought I should share it.

Problem: The house is a mess today and I can't and shouldn't clean it all myself.

Solution: A Housework Scavenger Hunt!

(We earn stickers for chores that later transfer into quarters.)

Here are the clues:
 We’ll start in a place where we like to hang out.

Reading and piano are what this room's about.

Let’s go to a room where we all like to sit.

We brush, wash, and ‘go’ there. Can you think of it?

Now let’s collect yucky stuff all over the house.

We need to get it out before it attracts a mouse!

Let’s go to the room that is mostly clean in part.

Just clutter from projects and animals and art.

Now each of you start on the room where you dress.

Pick up 30 things each while I sweep up this mess.

We’ll go back to bedrooms after piano lessons are done.

For now get 2 stickers and then go have some fun.

 Ok, let’s get back to the place where we drop

Shoes, backpacks, mittens, lunchboxes, papers and socks.

Now that that’s finished, who’s up for a race?

Get an old rag and let’s mop this whole place.

Let’s straighten the room with the big fireplace.

It shouldn’t take long, there’s not much out of place.

Now let’s finish up where you lay down your heads.

If we get it sparkling we can rearrange some beds.

While we are here, let’s straighten another little room.

It’s hardly a mess and does not need a broom.

I think we are almost done with our chores.

Put up 2 more stickers, then put clothes in your drawers.

You were such a big help, I couldn’t have done it without you!

Please go eat a popsicle as my way of saying THANK YOU!!

Good luck with your summer ideas!  I'll be posting lots more ideas, so check back often.
Thanks for reading,

Cathy

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Parenting Tip - Don't Overlook the Flecks of Gold

I like the message in this story.  It made me think about other flecks of gold we sometimes overlook.  Like our children.  Are we so busy living and looking to the future, that we don't notice the gold right in our own home.

Here are some other flecks of gold we might overlook:
Flecks of gold of happiness at the cute thing your 3 year old son just said.
Flecks of gold of gratitude for having enough food to eat and a home to live in.
Flecks of gold of patriotism for living in a democratic country.

The flecks of gold gradually added up to great wealth, one small fleck at a time.  What other things add up by small measures?
Teaching our children day after day to do their chores.
Teaching our children day after day to do their homework.
Helping our children day after day practice a musical instrument.
Eating healthy food day after day.
Exercising or walking a little bit more day after day.

Flecks of gold.
Small deeds.
Patience to wait for the wealth.
 Enjoying the day to day collecting.

Thanks for reading,

Cathy
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Parenting Tip - Intentionally Teaching your Children

My daughter-in-law, Katie, was on Studio 5 TV in Utah offering some parenting advice.



It was on a theme that is dear to my heart:  intentionally teaching values to your children.  You are your child's parent/teacher/mentor.  Your child is learning every day--learning from your actions, from what you do and say and also from what you don't do or say. 

You can facilitate this learning by naming it.  
"You are learning how to be responsible when I give you chores to do."  

"You are learning how to be accountable and dependable when you get consequences for choosing not to do your chores."

"You are learning how to be a good sport when we play games together and you don't always win."

"You are learning how to be brave and have courage when you go to swimming lessons even though you're afraid."

And to you parents, I say:
"You are learning how to be effective parents when you try and implement new ideas for your family!"

Way to go parents--YOU make a difference.  
You are important to your child!

Thanks for reading,
Cathy


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Parenting Tip #69 Mold or Unfold?

Children are not things to be molded, but people to be unfolded.
As a part time music teacher, I eat lunch twice a week with other teachers. We talk about this and that, but always about our students---and always the ones that are not fitting “the mold”. Sometimes I stop to listen to our talk and think, “are we upset because this child is not fitting into our class mold? Do we really want to help him or do we just want him to act like everyone else and make life easier for us?”

What about your children? If you have more than one child, you know that they are each born with their own distinct personality traits, likes, dislikes, and talents. But are you trying to fit them all into the same mold. Are you parenting them all the same way?

One of my children was very creative in doing his chores. He would take the baby in her stroller and go into his bedroom and pick up things and drape them all over the stroller, creating a masterpiece of ----something,I certainly didn’t know what! To me it looked like he was playing around and making a mess. To him, he was cleaning up, but having fun and creating while doing it. I had to learn to give him his space for creativity and not demand that he “just go clean up the room!”

A friend was trying to learn how to communicate with her 2nd oldest daughter. She wasn’t as verbal as the eldest daughter and the mom had to try and guess what she was mad or upset about. Has this ever happened to you? The mom started noticing the events and actions that would happen before and after “difficult situations” and began to see that her middle child had leadership abilities and tendencies, but was thwarted in them because of her older sibling. As the mom began to give choices to her daughter, she experienced more positive outcomes because her daughter was now able to choose and control certain aspects in her life.

Notice your children this week. How and with what do they play? How do they react best to your requests? Does one need more physical touch than the others? What is your “whiner” really saying to you? What is the “hitter” experiencing or getting frustrated about?

I thought I caught a glimpse of Sadie the other day, one of the students we always complain about. I was in the temple and saw a beautiful black woman. I thought, "that's how Sadie will look in 15 years, but only if someone starts guiding and helping her--not just complaining about her."

See your child as a plant that is starting to blossom. Is she a tulip, a poppy, or a rose? Help her as she unfolds and blooms!

Parenting Tip #62 Power in expressing your feelings

Years ago I had trouble with one of my sons getting his work done—which wasn’t like him. I blamed it on his allergies and his age (10). One Saturday he wouldn’t mow the lawn. He didn’t have to mow the whole lawn, just his part (each of my 3 boys mowed 1/3 of our large yard). I had tried positive reinforcement, incentives, threats, etc. but nothing was working. He didn’t get to go to my sister’s house—which was always a treat—because he hadn’t mowed the lawn. I told him if he had it done by the time I got back from running an errand, he could go to the grocery store with me (he loved to go grocery shopping). Even that didn’t work. So finally I told him if it wasn’t done by the time I came back from the store, I would probably sit down and cry and think that I was a failure as a mother (I knew that wouldn’t motivate him either, but I was so frustrated).

When I got home later, I couldn’t believe my eyes. He had mowed the lawn! When I asked him about it, he said he didn’t want me to think I was a failure, and that was the reason he had finally done it.

The lesson I learned. It is more effective to sit down and discuss problems and express feelings, rather than threaten, bribe or get mad.