Parenting Tip #69 Mold or Unfold?

Children are not things to be molded, but people to be unfolded.
As a part time music teacher, I eat lunch twice a week with other teachers. We talk about this and that, but always about our students---and always the ones that are not fitting “the mold”. Sometimes I stop to listen to our talk and think, “are we upset because this child is not fitting into our class mold? Do we really want to help him or do we just want him to act like everyone else and make life easier for us?”

What about your children? If you have more than one child, you know that they are each born with their own distinct personality traits, likes, dislikes, and talents. But are you trying to fit them all into the same mold. Are you parenting them all the same way?

One of my children was very creative in doing his chores. He would take the baby in her stroller and go into his bedroom and pick up things and drape them all over the stroller, creating a masterpiece of ----something,I certainly didn’t know what! To me it looked like he was playing around and making a mess. To him, he was cleaning up, but having fun and creating while doing it. I had to learn to give him his space for creativity and not demand that he “just go clean up the room!”

A friend was trying to learn how to communicate with her 2nd oldest daughter. She wasn’t as verbal as the eldest daughter and the mom had to try and guess what she was mad or upset about. Has this ever happened to you? The mom started noticing the events and actions that would happen before and after “difficult situations” and began to see that her middle child had leadership abilities and tendencies, but was thwarted in them because of her older sibling. As the mom began to give choices to her daughter, she experienced more positive outcomes because her daughter was now able to choose and control certain aspects in her life.

Notice your children this week. How and with what do they play? How do they react best to your requests? Does one need more physical touch than the others? What is your “whiner” really saying to you? What is the “hitter” experiencing or getting frustrated about?

I thought I caught a glimpse of Sadie the other day, one of the students we always complain about. I was in the temple and saw a beautiful black woman. I thought, "that's how Sadie will look in 15 years, but only if someone starts guiding and helping her--not just complaining about her."

See your child as a plant that is starting to blossom. Is she a tulip, a poppy, or a rose? Help her as she unfolds and blooms!