Parenting Tip #7 Joy Journal

When I was pregnant with my 6th child, I was excited, but apprehensive about what people would say. Sometimes they would be rude and say things like: "Are you trying to populate the whole world by yourself?" Or mutter, "Can you really afford to give that many children a decent life?" So I decided that if I wanted a big family, which I did, then I should be enjoying a big family and find joy in having and raising my children.

I decided to keep a Joy Journal. I would write down things that my children (and husband) did that brought me joy. Then on those days when "joy" was elusive, I could read my journal and be reminded of those better days. I kept a Joy Journal for all the years my children were growing up until they all moved away. Sometimes I wrote several times a week, and other times just once a month or I would forget for several months. But I kept at it. Then on each child's birthday, at our family birthday party with the grandparents, I would read several entries about that child that I had written that year and how he or she had brought me joy.

This has been a fun and rewarding tradition. It helped me LOOK for joyous things my children did and helped me focus on my love for them. I like to think that it helped them too.

Music Tip #7 Music and Special Needs Children

My brother and sister-in-law have 9 children. Matthew, their 7 year old has Down Syndrome. Music has helped Matthew in many areas--with speech, brushing teeth (which he used to hate), motor skills, and fears. Matthew rides the bus to school with other special needs children. He used to be really apprehensive about getting on the bus and leaving home. So the family started singing "The wheels on the bus..." and that would calm him down each morning so he could board.

Matthew and his younger brother love to dance. On Saturday nights the family will put music on from the 80's, 90's or current music and the whole family will dance and have fun. Matthew also loves to play the piano. He will sit at the piano and play whatever comes into his mind. He sits down like a concert pianist and pounds out notes, then takes a bow.

But when Matthew gets too much stimulus with music or tv, he gets hyper. There has to be a balance. His mother, Tammy, will play church songs to help calm him when he is upset about anything. Tammy writes, "I am definitely convinced that music is great therapy for any child, but absolutely helpful with children that have special needs."

Watch your children this week and see how you can use music to calm them, encourage them, teach them and just have fun with them.

Parenting Tip #6 The best age to teach

After a lecture by the late Francis Wayland Parker, a great Chicago educator, a woman asked: "How early can I begin the education of my child?”
"When will your child be born?” asked the educator.
"Born?” she gasped. "Why, he is already five years old.”
"My goodness, woman, “he cried, “don’t stand here talking to me—hurry home; already you have lost the best five years.”

What can you teach your child from birth to age five that is so important? It depends on who you ask. If you ask a Suzuki music teacher she would say you can teach a child to play an instrument as early as age 3. If you ask an educator he would say your child could be reading by now.

But here are some even more important things you can teach a young child: stability and security by responding to your baby’s cries, responsibility and orderliness by helping your toddler pick up his toys, happiness by playing with your child, love by touching and holding, self esteem by listening to your preschool try to explain something to you, respect by saying "please" and "excuse me", gratitude by saying "thank you", decision making by letting your preschooler choose the outfit to wear that day.

So don’t just sit here reading, go teach your child something!

Music Tip #6 Music Alone Shall Live

Yeah for the good old songs of our earlier years. They're called Folk Songs and Silly Songs. It's our job as parents to pass them on to the next generation. Here's some first lines of songs. How many do you know:

Do your ears hang low...
My Bonnie lies over the ocean....
In a cavern in a canyon excavating for a mine.....
Love me tender, love me true.....
Do, a deer...
God, Bless America...

The National Association for Music Education started a campaign in 1995 called Get America Singing...Again. It's aim was to establish a common song repertoire and promote community singing.menc.org/resources/view/get-america-singing-again

Folk songs bridge the generation gap as grandparents, parents and children sing the old favorites and create lasting memories. The words to my favorite musical round state the value of folk songs
All things must perish from under the sky.
Music alone shall live, music alone shall live
Music alone shall live, never to die.

ASU Music class for Tiny Tots

Yesterday was our 2nd class time. We moved locations and now have more room and AC! Yeah!
This semester we will be having guest musicians come and play their instruments for us. Today Karis's older brother, Carsten, brought his violin and played for us. It was fun to see the reaction of the babies.
We sang the song, A Ram Sam Sam, and used the parachute to keep the beat. The babies loved dancing on top of it as well as underneath it.

Parenting Tip #5 The Secret Ingredient

A woman who had a talent for baking gave a mini cooking class to a Church group and shared her famous brownie recipe. A few days later her neighbor called complaining that her brownies had not turned out like the talented baker’s had. She accused the woman of holding back her “secret ingredients”. The shocked baker asked her neighbor if she had used real butter. “Well, no, of course not, butter is expensive. I substituted margarine which is just as good.” The baker probed, “Did you use baker’s chocolate?” The neighbor replied, “everyone knows cocoa is a good substitute for baker’s chocolate.” And so it turned out that the secret ingredients were right there in plain sight; the neighbor had chosen to use substitutes and therefore could not achieve the desired results she had wished for. www.byub.org/talks/Talk.aspx?id=1847

As parents we often look for the secret ingredient that will turn our children into model children. It is so simple that sometimes we overlook it. It is so hard that sometimes we substitute other things instead. The secret ingredient is time. Giving time to your children is one of the most important ingredients in raising happy, productive children. There are many poor substitutes out there because as parents we are busy, stressed and tired. Too often we use TV, computer games, friends, soccer, etc for substitutes instead of giving quality time to our children. Quality time may be listening to your child tell about her dream, playing “Go Fish” with your son one more time, or just simply being home so your daughter can stay home and play.

Your baby is only going to be a baby for 2 short years---then you will never have that baby again. Enjoy giving time to your baby by touching, holding, laughing, playing, and being there with him. Your preschooler will be going to school soon and when she does, she will be gone for 7-8 hours out of your life and influence. Enjoy, play, listen with her now. Your teenager will only be a teenager for a few short years (did I hear clapping and whistling out there?) Listen to him, talk with-not at- him, respect him.

The secret parenting ingredient=Your time

Music Tip #5 Dads singing

Dads, you can make special memories for your children by singing them to sleep. My husband liked to sing as he would rock our children to sleep. Our youngest daughter mentioned this memory of her Dad singing to her and rocking her to sleep to her high school friends one day. All the boys said, "wow, that's really cool. I'm going to sing to my kids too, when I get married and have children."

Ammon, our 2nd oldest son said he sings a lot while he helps his children brush their teeth. "It always calms the kids and makes it easier," he said. He sings at bedtime too. Every Sunday night for the past 4-5 years he sings songs from the German hymnbook at bedtime. He says, "it puts them right to sleep--they're anxious to have the noise stop!"

Make some memories, Dad. Start singing!

Parenting Tip #4 Memorize Poetry

Brandon, one of my 3rd grade music students, stood to recite a poem. It was the first day of the month, and I let my music students share a musical talent with the class, if they choose, once a month. Technically, reciting a poem is not a musical talent, but Brandon was in need of self esteem building and besides, being one of the more "rowdy boys" in the class, I was curious to see what he would share. He stood straight and tall and launched into a well memorized, long poem by Robert Louis Stevenson. Wow! My image of him changed dramatically. I had previously thought he was a little on the slow side, had no self control and I had lumped him into the "problem child" category in my mind. But now he leaped over into the "smart kid with lots of brain power" category. What made the difference? His ability to memorize a poem.

Why should children memorize poetry? It introduces them to phrases and vocabulary they might not hear in everyday language use, it instills a sense of rhythm and rhyme, it awakens a love for language and helps express emotions and thoughts in a new way. It teaches sentence structure, increases self esteem, helps one become a better writer.

If you have an infant, toddler, preschooler or elementary age child, read poetry to them. Additionally, encourage older children to memorize poems. Google "poetry and children" and you'll be at the computer for an hour! By the way, here's a snatch of a poem. Who wrote it?
Oh,I'm being eaten
By a boa constrictor,
A boa constrictor,
A boa constrictor,
I'm being eaten by a boa constrictor,
And I don't like it--one bit.
famouspoetsandpoems.com/poets/shel_silverstein/poems/14828

Music Tip #4 How Much is That Doggie in the Window?

I asked my married children to share ideas of how they use music in their homes. Holly, a daughter-in law, said that usually her kids tell her to STOP singing--she says she's a "tone deaf non singer". But her 3 year old, Maya, really likes her to sing songs like "5 little monkeys jumping on the bed, 5 little ducks, and how much is that doggie in the window" (www.dltk-teach.com/rhymes/monkeys/words.htm, www.youtube.com/watch?v=2AkLE4X-bbU , www.britishcouncil.org/kids-songs-pets.htm ). Holly will sometimes change the words of the song to see if Maya will catch her, which she always does and then corrects her. Maya thinks it's funny to have her mom sing "5 little alligators jumping on the bed" or 5 little monkeys jumping on the couch". Maya also likes to have cats with purple tails sold "in the window".

Holly mentions that lots of children's songs are good for math, pattern recognition, rhyming, story telling, motor skills, etc. Thank goodness Holly hasn't stopped singing. Being a "non-singer" or not, children love to hear their parents sing and interact with them on a fun one on one basis. It sounds like love to them!

Parenting Tip #3 - Having Patience

I was pregnant with my fourth child and lying on the couch watching my 3 boys wrestle, play and of course, fight. I didn't know at the time I was anemic. I had little energy, was tired all the time and a little depressed. I thought to myself, "how am I going to get through this?" I said a fervent, private prayer asking for patience.

I eventually did get more patience, but it wasn't the way I expected. I continued daily praying for patience until one day I learned that the way to have patience with my children was to enjoy my children. I began watching my children and noticing things about them. How they interacted with each other, how they problem solved, how they thought and came up with solutions. I learned about what stage they might be in (http://www.parents-in-a-pickle.com) and how that caused them to act certain ways. As I watched and learned, I became more patient with them. I enjoyed watching them and loved to see how their brains worked things out.

I learned that to have patience with my children, I needed to learn more about them, why they acted the way they did. I needed to enjoy them as they were at the moment. I needed to enjoy the journey, to savor them as they were at this moment in time. My love for them increased and amazingly, I had more patience!

Music Tip #3 - Sing Instructions

Don't you hate it when you ask your children to do something, and they ignore you? You think, "what? are they deaf-- disobedient-- why won't they listen and obey me?"

The problem: They're kids. They hear your voice so much, that sometimes they tune you out, especially if they hear you ask them to do something they don't want to do.

The solution: Sing. Sing your instructions, then whisper your instructions. Now you've caught your children's attention and hopefully they'll quickly follow through with what you've asked them to do.

This can work for toddlers learning to put away toys (Barney's clean up song www.youtube.com/watch?v=Dz-3Kxx3EQY) or teens who need to clean their bedrooms or wash the dishes, etc. Try singing in an opera voice, or country style, or with a proper English accent.

As parents, we need to "lighten up" and have fun. Singing makes for family fun.

Parenting Tip #2 - John, John, the Atom Bomb

My younger brother John, was the typical two year old that got into everything. But instead of growing out of it, he just got better at it and would make one mess after another. My mother would be so frustrated that as soon as my Dad would get home from work she would tell him all the things Johnny had done that day. And when Grandma and Grandpa came to visit (they lived right behind our house), they would get the full blown stories of Johnny spilling flour all over the floor, and Johnny doing this and that. My mother even wrote a song about "John, John the atom bomb" and each verse highlighted all the diasters and messes he had made. My brother, Johnny, became quite the center of attention.One frustrating day, however, my mother was at her wit's end. She didn't know how she could go on much longer with a child like Johnny. Suddenly a thought came to her, "Johnny is getting so much attention by doing all these naughty things, of course he's going to keep doing them." She decided she needed to change Johnny's image. So each night when my Dad came home from work, she would tell him of the wonderful things Johnny had done that day (boy, were they hard to come up with some days!). And when Grandma and Grandpa asked about Johnny's latest exploits, my mother replied, "Oh Johnny has changed. He's the sweetest little boy now. He helps me around the house and picks up his toys."

And guess what? Johnny did change. He became that sweet little helpful boy and grew up into a wonderful man and has been a great father to his six children. My mother first labeled him as a "terror" and that's what he became. But when his label changed to sweet and helpful, he changed too.

Be very careful of the labels you put on your children.

Music Tip #2 - Diaper Song

Does your baby twist and turn and not lay still while you change his diaper? Does your two year old run all around the house with you chasing behind, trying to change her clothes? Try adding music to your child's routines and see if they help get the job done.

Just singing a simple nursery rhyme like "Jack and Jill" or "Here we go round the Mulberry Bush" will catch your baby's attention so you can complete that diaper change with less struggles. Add some silly words to add interest, "Here we change your diaper, sweet baby, your diaper, sweet baby, your diaper, sweet baby. Here we change your diaper, sweet baby, and now you're ready to play."

Don't want to chase your two year old around the house to get her to get dressed in the morning? Make up some words and sing while you're helping her get dressed. Try singing this to the tune of "Mary Had a Little Lamb": First you put your green shirt on, green shirt on, green shirt on, first you put your green shirt on and then I'll tickle your tummy!

How else can you use music to catch your child's attention so daily routines will flow smoother?

Parenting Tip #1 - Training Wheels

Aaron, my third child (and third son) was learning how to walk. It was so fun watching him take a few steps, fall down, then get right back up and try again. My oldest son, Benjamin age 4, was watching his brother fall over and over again and said, "Momma, Aaron needs training wheels, doesn't he?"

Do you ever wish you could have "parenting training wheels"? After failing over and over again as a parent, have you ever just wanted to give up? But watch your toddler as he/she learns to walk. He tries over and over--and eventually learns to walk. We, as parents, can learn to take a step at a time toward good parenting skills and soon we, too, will be riding a two wheeler minus the training wheels!



By the way, this is Aaron today (and he has three children of his own). He really should take those training wheels off because he's a GREAT parent!

Music Tip #1 - Musical Temper Tantrums

Each week I will be posting a parenting tip and a music tip--something that might help you and your child in the daily routine of family life. You don't have to sing well or be musically inclined to enjoy the benefits of these tips. Just try them and see if they help!
Did your child wake up on the wrong side of the bed--nothing you do seems to be what he wants? If your child is having a hard time--no matter if he is 18 months or 8 years old--try singing. This is such unexpected behavior from you, that usually your child will stop crying or at least quiet down and listen to what is happening. Sing a favorite song, folk song, make up nonsense words, whatever. Sing out of tune, in tune, sing loud then whisper. Use variety. Add some tickling. Then some hugging. Get your child busy doing something else and hopefully you'll have averted a major meltdown.
Husbands: Maybe you should try this on your wife the next time she is having "one of those days"!

Feel free to comment and share your experiences with us.