I think my most favorite scripture is "...by small and simple things are great things brought to pass; and small means in many instances doth confound the wise." Alma 37:6-Book of Mormon. I've been teaching my piano students that one of the "small and simple things" they can do to become a better piano player, is to practice their note reading flashcards 3 minutes every day. Those students that know the names of the notes can sightread faster, learn their pieces faster, and progress faster. And all it takes is 3 minutes every day.
If your child is learning his notes, don't have him learn the whole scale of flashcards from bass clef C up to treble clef C above middle C. That's too much to learn at once. Start with 2 flashcards, and when he knows them, add a third. Then a fourth note and so on. Start with just the treble clef notes first, then add the bass clef.
The brain stores this information in two different places in the brain. You can show your child a flashcard and she can easily and quickly play it on the piano (or other instrument). But to have her SAY the name of the note is a whole other brain processing skill. So when practicing flashcards make sure your child plays it AND says the note name.
Children learn in their own special ways. Some children easily pick up on learning "every good boy does fine" and that helps them learn the note names. Other children process and understand the note names when they realize the notes are in alphabetical order. Still others just can't remember them at all! When this happens I try to "hook" one of the note names to a person's name in their family. For example, one of my students-Greg-could not remember the note names at all. I showed him where the top space on the bass clef was and said, "that's your home. Look at the top space and always remember that is where you live--G for Greg." Once that was established (after several weeks) we could branch on to neighboring lines and space names.
Recently one of my students noticed that the bass clef top space, top line and space above, spelled G A B. For him, that will be the hook that will help him learn his notes--I hope. If children can discover a pattern or hook, it becomes theirs to remember forever.
There are several sites where you can download free flashcards. http://linkwaregraphics.com/
http://www.susanparadis.com/catalog.php?site=piano-teacher-resources&type=Games§ion=5&level=x&subtype=Music%20Reading&subtype2=x
Children LOVE games, so play games 3 minutes a day during practice time and see the improvement!
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Sunday, August 29, 2010
Parenting Tip # 49 Don't you know about having fun?
I got a text from my daughter. She said Laney, her 7 year old had just asked her, “Mom, don’t you know about having fun?” I thought that was hilarious. Later I found out about the situation that precipitated that remark-- Laney and her two siblings were playing in the bathtub with water up to the very top. Well, Laney, there’s fun, and then there’s fun involving a mess!
Does your family have fun together? Do your kids have fun playing with each other? What are some fun things to do as a family? The most fun ones, of course, should be free. I heard about a family that every once in a while would have a “book dinner”. That meant everyone could bring a book to the dinner table and they all read their books while eating. Fun! What about flying kites, jumping on the trampoline as a family, or laying on the trampoline and watching the clouds. That’s fun! Singing funny songs while in the car, playing jokes on April Fool’s Day, riding bikes together, putting up a tent in the back yard. Fun, fun, fun.
Then there’s using shaving cream as finger paint, playing with rice/beans in a cake pan, or this: squirt hair gel or shampoo in a ziplock bag, then lay the bag down on a flat surface and let your kids draw shapes on the bag. You can play beauty shop with the kids fixing the parent’s hair, play restaurant for lunch/dinner, or play hide and seek in the house—with the lights off.
How about making a fairy garden? http://www.herbcompanion.com/Gardening/Gardening-with-Fairies.aspx The list goes on and on. Decide to have fun with your family. Relax, smell the roses and have fun!
Does your family have fun together? Do your kids have fun playing with each other? What are some fun things to do as a family? The most fun ones, of course, should be free. I heard about a family that every once in a while would have a “book dinner”. That meant everyone could bring a book to the dinner table and they all read their books while eating. Fun! What about flying kites, jumping on the trampoline as a family, or laying on the trampoline and watching the clouds. That’s fun! Singing funny songs while in the car, playing jokes on April Fool’s Day, riding bikes together, putting up a tent in the back yard. Fun, fun, fun.
Then there’s using shaving cream as finger paint, playing with rice/beans in a cake pan, or this: squirt hair gel or shampoo in a ziplock bag, then lay the bag down on a flat surface and let your kids draw shapes on the bag. You can play beauty shop with the kids fixing the parent’s hair, play restaurant for lunch/dinner, or play hide and seek in the house—with the lights off.
How about making a fairy garden? http://www.herbcompanion.com/Gardening/Gardening-with-Fairies.aspx The list goes on and on. Decide to have fun with your family. Relax, smell the roses and have fun!
Sunday, August 22, 2010
Music Tip #47 Big rocks in a jar
I'm sure a lot of you have heard or seen the object lesson of putting big rocks in a gallon jar. http://www.appleseeds.org/Big-Rocks_Covey.htm I LOVE this story because it is so true.
What are some of the BIG rocks you have in your life and in your family's life? If one of them is private music lessons, this becomes a tough rock to put in the jar. Parents know and understand the importance and value of practicing a musical instrument, but they have the harder job of getting their child to buy into that belief system.
So HOW and WHEN do you put the practice rock in the jar? The how could be having a family council meeting with your family and explaining your belief system of the value and importance of music. You could continue by saying that your family believes so strongly in the power of music, that it will be a priority for your family. It will be a daily practice. A big rock.
Then look and see what other big rocks you need to put in the jar. Do you have so many big rocks they WON'ALL FIT ? You may have to analyze the rocks and determine if some of them may not be so important after all. Are you rushing your child from soccer practice to piano lessons on Monday, followed by karate, dance, church activities, homework, etc on the other days? What about free time for your child to play and read? Should that be a large rock?
In the analogy, after the big rocks are placed in the jar, then there is still room for gravel, sand and water. What are the gravel, sand and water? More activities to cram in? I like to think of them as blessings that come from prioritizing. Like a smooth running home, time to talk with and enjoy your family, peace.
Now another big question is WHEN to put the practicing rock into your jar. Each family's schedule is different, and you may have to be creative. My sister and I took turns getting up at 6:30am on school days to practice the piano. The TV may have to be turned off on schools days so it is not a distraction. Other activities may need to be postponed until summer. Favorite times to practice for my piano students are before breakfast, after school, and after dinner.
The bottom line is this: if you want your child to be proficient at playing an instrument, consistent daily practice has to be done. Practicing 3 times a week won't do it. Practicing incorrectly won't do it. Practicing for short times won't do it. Learning to play an instrument is a really big rock! And it is worth it! Music is the language of the soul. Help your child discover and express his soul.
What are some of the BIG rocks you have in your life and in your family's life? If one of them is private music lessons, this becomes a tough rock to put in the jar. Parents know and understand the importance and value of practicing a musical instrument, but they have the harder job of getting their child to buy into that belief system.
So HOW and WHEN do you put the practice rock in the jar? The how could be having a family council meeting with your family and explaining your belief system of the value and importance of music. You could continue by saying that your family believes so strongly in the power of music, that it will be a priority for your family. It will be a daily practice. A big rock.
Then look and see what other big rocks you need to put in the jar. Do you have so many big rocks they WON'ALL FIT ? You may have to analyze the rocks and determine if some of them may not be so important after all. Are you rushing your child from soccer practice to piano lessons on Monday, followed by karate, dance, church activities, homework, etc on the other days? What about free time for your child to play and read? Should that be a large rock?
In the analogy, after the big rocks are placed in the jar, then there is still room for gravel, sand and water. What are the gravel, sand and water? More activities to cram in? I like to think of them as blessings that come from prioritizing. Like a smooth running home, time to talk with and enjoy your family, peace.
Now another big question is WHEN to put the practicing rock into your jar. Each family's schedule is different, and you may have to be creative. My sister and I took turns getting up at 6:30am on school days to practice the piano. The TV may have to be turned off on schools days so it is not a distraction. Other activities may need to be postponed until summer. Favorite times to practice for my piano students are before breakfast, after school, and after dinner.
The bottom line is this: if you want your child to be proficient at playing an instrument, consistent daily practice has to be done. Practicing 3 times a week won't do it. Practicing incorrectly won't do it. Practicing for short times won't do it. Learning to play an instrument is a really big rock! And it is worth it! Music is the language of the soul. Help your child discover and express his soul.
Sunday, August 15, 2010
Music Tip #4 6 If you don't live on a farm....
I was recently listening to a podcast of an interview of Julie B. Beck, General Relief Society President of the LDS Church. http://feeds.lds.org/LDSConversations Sister Beck's two married daughters were present for the interview and eventually the questions got around to talking about how it was growing up in their home. One of the daughters said that all three of the children had to take piano lessons. Sister Beck chimed into the conversation and said, yes, that since she couldn't raise her children on a farm and teach them good work ethics, she decided learning to play the piano would be her vehicle to teaching her children how to work. Both her daughters and her son took lessons for many, many years. She would drive them to their lessons and took advantage of having a captive audience, and used these drives to talk with her children and ask them how their lives were going. One of the daughters didn't enjoy taking lessons or see the value until she was 16 years old. Then suddenly she fell in love with the piano and loves teaching it now. Today all three children give piano lessons themselves.
I loved that idea of having something in your family to teach good work ethics. And since most families don't have a farm, why, learning to play the piano--or any musical instrument--is a wonderful idea!
If you live on a farm, you discover that every day you have to feed/water and tend the animals. Everyday you have to irrigate, weed or fertilize the garden. If you live on a farm you learn the Law of the Harvest. You reap what you sow. Hard work in the beginning pays off in the end. If you live on a farm you appreciate that little things soon become big. Little seeds grow into tall plants. Little animals grow into large animals.
When you learn a musical instrument you discover that daily practicing helps you master a piece of music. When you practice a musical instrument you learn the Law of the Harvest. The amount of practicing you do each day directly effects how quickly you learn to play a song. When you take music lessons you learn that little things, like practicing a line a day eventually leads to knowing the whole piece of music.
Good work ethics--it's what you can teach your children--on a farm, or through music!
I loved that idea of having something in your family to teach good work ethics. And since most families don't have a farm, why, learning to play the piano--or any musical instrument--is a wonderful idea!
If you live on a farm, you discover that every day you have to feed/water and tend the animals. Everyday you have to irrigate, weed or fertilize the garden. If you live on a farm you learn the Law of the Harvest. You reap what you sow. Hard work in the beginning pays off in the end. If you live on a farm you appreciate that little things soon become big. Little seeds grow into tall plants. Little animals grow into large animals.
When you learn a musical instrument you discover that daily practicing helps you master a piece of music. When you practice a musical instrument you learn the Law of the Harvest. The amount of practicing you do each day directly effects how quickly you learn to play a song. When you take music lessons you learn that little things, like practicing a line a day eventually leads to knowing the whole piece of music.
Good work ethics--it's what you can teach your children--on a farm, or through music!
Sunday, August 8, 2010
Music Tip #45 Connections
I love to look for teaching opportunities when I’m giving piano lessons.
“Well, duh,” you say, “Aren’t you teaching all during piano lessons?”
Yes, of course, I’m teaching, but I like to look for opportunities to connect piano teaching with real life teaching. For example, the other day a student played his piece very well, except for all the B flats he missed—about 4 of them. I circled some of the Bs and had him play a passage from the piece again. He still missed the B flats. So I had him circle the B flats himself and then talked to him about noticing the circles. I said, “when you see the circles coming, you need to be prepared to play the B as a B flat.”
That kind of rang a bell in my head, and after he played the B flats perfect this time, we talked about life and what things he should be noticing in life so that he would be prepared.
I have another piano student who is a perfectionist. If she starts making mistakes on a piece of music she thinks she knows well, she gets frustrated and starts crying.
Lately when I see her starting to tear up I interrupt her playing by clapping and saying, "Yeah for you. I love it when students make a mistake and then try to fix it. I don't expect you to be perfect--I'm not. But I love to know that when you make a mistake, you can figure out how to fix it."
Then I ask her if her mother or father get mad at her little brother when he is learning to walk but falls down. She says, "of course they don't". I tell her that's the way I feel when she falls down and makes a mistake in playing. I don't mind at all, because I know she's learning and eventually will play the piece well just like her brother will learn to walk.
It’s those teaching connections that I love to find and help students to relate to. And I don’t even charge extra for them!
“Well, duh,” you say, “Aren’t you teaching all during piano lessons?”
Yes, of course, I’m teaching, but I like to look for opportunities to connect piano teaching with real life teaching. For example, the other day a student played his piece very well, except for all the B flats he missed—about 4 of them. I circled some of the Bs and had him play a passage from the piece again. He still missed the B flats. So I had him circle the B flats himself and then talked to him about noticing the circles. I said, “when you see the circles coming, you need to be prepared to play the B as a B flat.”
That kind of rang a bell in my head, and after he played the B flats perfect this time, we talked about life and what things he should be noticing in life so that he would be prepared.
I have another piano student who is a perfectionist. If she starts making mistakes on a piece of music she thinks she knows well, she gets frustrated and starts crying.
Lately when I see her starting to tear up I interrupt her playing by clapping and saying, "Yeah for you. I love it when students make a mistake and then try to fix it. I don't expect you to be perfect--I'm not. But I love to know that when you make a mistake, you can figure out how to fix it."
Then I ask her if her mother or father get mad at her little brother when he is learning to walk but falls down. She says, "of course they don't". I tell her that's the way I feel when she falls down and makes a mistake in playing. I don't mind at all, because I know she's learning and eventually will play the piece well just like her brother will learn to walk.
It’s those teaching connections that I love to find and help students to relate to. And I don’t even charge extra for them!
Parenting Tip #48 Yea for technology!
Yea for technology--as long as you use it to your advantage rather than letting it take over your life. Case in point-- clip art. You can find clip art on everything you can think of—animals, objects, crafts, you name it. So my daughter took advantage of all these pictures that are available and used them for a creative writing project (actually, I think she was just using them to keep her daughters from being bored—but a “creative writing project” sounds better).
She printed off several pictures of dogs, gave them to her daughters, then they colored them, cut them out, pasted them on paper and wrote stories about the dogs. Ingenious. Simple. Creative.
You could also print off words that rhyme (like hat, bat, rat, mat, fat, sat, etc). Depending on the age of your child, they could categorize the pictures that rhyme, or write a poem and instead of writing the rhyming words, paste the pictures of the rhyming word at the end of the sentence.
The computer is great for children to practice skip counting i.e. 2,4,6,8, or 3,6,9,12. One of my piano students mentioned that at her school she had to learn to skip count for all the numbers, then when it came time to learn her multiplication tables, she had everything almost memorized because, for instance, if you can skip count 7,14,21,28etc. you can easily figure out what 3X7 equals from your skip counting.
Learning the alphabet is another great way to use the computer. Preschoolers love to find the alphabet on the keypad and type them in order. Especially when you use a fun font and a different color.
I know a lot of you have used the computer to teach your children. Please share your ideas with us.
She printed off several pictures of dogs, gave them to her daughters, then they colored them, cut them out, pasted them on paper and wrote stories about the dogs. Ingenious. Simple. Creative.
You could also print off words that rhyme (like hat, bat, rat, mat, fat, sat, etc). Depending on the age of your child, they could categorize the pictures that rhyme, or write a poem and instead of writing the rhyming words, paste the pictures of the rhyming word at the end of the sentence.
The computer is great for children to practice skip counting i.e. 2,4,6,8, or 3,6,9,12. One of my piano students mentioned that at her school she had to learn to skip count for all the numbers, then when it came time to learn her multiplication tables, she had everything almost memorized because, for instance, if you can skip count 7,14,21,28etc. you can easily figure out what 3X7 equals from your skip counting.
Learning the alphabet is another great way to use the computer. Preschoolers love to find the alphabet on the keypad and type them in order. Especially when you use a fun font and a different color.
I know a lot of you have used the computer to teach your children. Please share your ideas with us.
Monday, August 2, 2010
Parenting Tip #47 Stop/Rewind!
My daughter was tired of the endless fighting that was going on in her house with her three kids. Summer had just started and looked like it was going to last a l-o-n-g time.
So she implemented the STOP/REWIND game. Here’s her words: “We just kept fighting and picking on each other, myself included. I was tired of disciplining every time, so we decided we could give each other a second chance by saying 'Stop! Rewind...' then we could go back and handle the situation right or say something nicer etc. The game was that anytime something was escalating, anyone in the family could call 'stop, rewind', even if they weren't in the fight. Then the person who called it plus anyone who was in the argument and cooperated by going back and trying again got a point. At the end of the day they got a chocolate chip for each point [they had accumulated that] day.
I remember being in the other room and hearing the girls start fighting, then Graham said, stop-rewind and the girls went back and corrected. All without me! That happened where Addy said it once too. They even justly called it on me a couple of times. The best part about it was there wasn't added fighting about 'who called it first' or 'who got the point' or whatever because everyone who participated would get a point.
This [game] worked great for a couple days until we were out of the habit of fighting and were distracted by other things.
post script. I am trying it on the kids [again]right now,[two months later] and they're looking at me like, 'whatever mom, that was so a month ago.' Ha. The little boogers...... Little do they know I have 8 discipline/ back talk/ naughty children books checked out from the library right now!"
So she implemented the STOP/REWIND game. Here’s her words: “We just kept fighting and picking on each other, myself included. I was tired of disciplining every time, so we decided we could give each other a second chance by saying 'Stop! Rewind...' then we could go back and handle the situation right or say something nicer etc. The game was that anytime something was escalating, anyone in the family could call 'stop, rewind', even if they weren't in the fight. Then the person who called it plus anyone who was in the argument and cooperated by going back and trying again got a point. At the end of the day they got a chocolate chip for each point [they had accumulated that] day.
I remember being in the other room and hearing the girls start fighting, then Graham said, stop-rewind and the girls went back and corrected. All without me! That happened where Addy said it once too. They even justly called it on me a couple of times. The best part about it was there wasn't added fighting about 'who called it first' or 'who got the point' or whatever because everyone who participated would get a point.
This [game] worked great for a couple days until we were out of the habit of fighting and were distracted by other things.
post script. I am trying it on the kids [again]right now,[two months later] and they're looking at me like, 'whatever mom, that was so a month ago.' Ha. The little boogers...... Little do they know I have 8 discipline/ back talk/ naughty children books checked out from the library right now!"
Sunday, August 1, 2010
Music Tip #44 Thunder Tubes
The last two days I went to a music conference. The first day it was held at the new Musical Instrument Museum in Phoenix, Az. http://www.themim.org/ Wow! If you live in the valley, this is a “must see” museum. They have over 10,000 musical instruments and objects from almost every country. There is a self guided tour complete with headsets so you can watch and listen to video clips of the featured instruments. The also have The Experience Gallery which is a hands-on room where you can actually play lots of the instruments seen in the other galleries.
Of course, my favorite room was the Gift Shop. I bought an instrument that I can use at school and I know my students will absolutely love it! It’s called a Thunder Tube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aos0Y53_R0Y. I had so much fun playing with it and so did all the adult family members who came for Sunday dinner tonight (unfortunately the only "kid" was my 4 month old grandson).
I want to make a thunder tube and so I looked up on the internet how to do it. Naturally, there were several posts. http://www.escapadedirect.com/thtuasoex.html, http://mypages.iit.edu/~smile/weekly/mp121002.html My favorite post said to use a Pringles potato chip can for the tube.
This would be a fun activity to involve your whole family in and you would not only be making a fun new musical instrument, but learning some science principles at the same time.
Of course, my favorite room was the Gift Shop. I bought an instrument that I can use at school and I know my students will absolutely love it! It’s called a Thunder Tube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aos0Y53_R0Y. I had so much fun playing with it and so did all the adult family members who came for Sunday dinner tonight (unfortunately the only "kid" was my 4 month old grandson).
I want to make a thunder tube and so I looked up on the internet how to do it. Naturally, there were several posts. http://www.escapadedirect.com/thtuasoex.html, http://mypages.iit.edu/~smile/weekly/mp121002.html My favorite post said to use a Pringles potato chip can for the tube.
This would be a fun activity to involve your whole family in and you would not only be making a fun new musical instrument, but learning some science principles at the same time.
Sunday, July 11, 2010
Music Tip #43 Summer music listening
It’s summer time and the living is easy. Need some ideas to keep your kids involved in music? I’ve been surfing the web, trying to find some nice music sites for children and here are a few I’ve come up with:
www.makingmusicfun.net This is a great site that offers free, simplified folk and classical piano sheet music. It also has interactive theory games, composer and music literacy sections, free worksheets, a songs library and much, much more.
http://www.kidspublicradio.org/about.html - This is a free public radio station that features kids plus YOU. You and your children can add your own stories, songs, interviews or whatever. The station carries music, news, stories, comedy, lullabies, educational programming and more which are presented in distinct non-commercial programs and serve an audience of kids aged 0 to 11 and their parents.
http://www.montyharper.com/ Monty Harper writes songs for kids that teach science, reading, creativity and more.
http://www.kidscorner.org/html/mediaroom.php - a radio station that contains a variety of educational and entertaining programs for kids ages 5-13. The show enables kids to get involved in interactive segments and demonstrate their knowledge, talent and abilities.
http://www.fromthetop.org/ - America's most extraordinary young musicians aged 8 to 18 are showcased on this PBS TV and radio show called From the Top
http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=92071316 – NPR watch full videos of your favorite musicians performing at Bob Boilen's desk in the NPR Music office.
http://www.classicsforkids.com/ This site is designed to help you introduce your child to classical music. It has lesson plans, activities, music, information about composers, theory and composing games plus lots more.
http://www.childrensmusic.org/ this site is a non-profit resource for kids, families, and children's performers worldwide. It has children's radio stations, teaches about sound effects, teaches how to make a CD and lots of other fun things.
Share any kids music sites that’s you’ve found interesting.
www.makingmusicfun.net This is a great site that offers free, simplified folk and classical piano sheet music. It also has interactive theory games, composer and music literacy sections, free worksheets, a songs library and much, much more.
http://www.kidspublicradio.org/about.html - This is a free public radio station that features kids plus YOU. You and your children can add your own stories, songs, interviews or whatever. The station carries music, news, stories, comedy, lullabies, educational programming and more which are presented in distinct non-commercial programs and serve an audience of kids aged 0 to 11 and their parents.
http://www.montyharper.com/ Monty Harper writes songs for kids that teach science, reading, creativity and more.
http://www.kidscorner.org/html/mediaroom.php - a radio station that contains a variety of educational and entertaining programs for kids ages 5-13. The show enables kids to get involved in interactive segments and demonstrate their knowledge, talent and abilities.
http://www.fromthetop.org/ - America's most extraordinary young musicians aged 8 to 18 are showcased on this PBS TV and radio show called From the Top
http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=92071316 – NPR watch full videos of your favorite musicians performing at Bob Boilen's desk in the NPR Music office.
http://www.classicsforkids.com/ This site is designed to help you introduce your child to classical music. It has lesson plans, activities, music, information about composers, theory and composing games plus lots more.
http://www.childrensmusic.org/ this site is a non-profit resource for kids, families, and children's performers worldwide. It has children's radio stations, teaches about sound effects, teaches how to make a CD and lots of other fun things.
Share any kids music sites that’s you’ve found interesting.
Parenting Tip #46 Conversations vs Lectures
Do your children have problems? Is there something going on in their lives that's not right. Are they fighting with siblings? Being sassy to you, the parent? Then you better go lecture them right now and let them know who's in charge. You're the boss, not them. Lay down the law. Make them shape up!
Doesn't work does it? You are lecturing while they are ignoring you or yelling back or giving you every excuse in the book. But by golly, you are the parent and they are the child and they had just better listen to you!
If you have power struggles like this with your children, no one is going to win. Somehow you need to have a change of perspective. You need to view your children as special ones who have been entrusted to you by God to teach and love. You share mutual respect for them and want them to grow up to be responsible individuals. But how do you do it?
By having conversations instead of lectures. A conversation is a two way exchange. It involves talking AND listening—by both parties. A conversation is not a judging, yelling, accusation forum. It's a “we have a problem, what can we do about it?” exchange. It's a time to listen and understand a child or teenager's point of view. A time to express your feelings and needs. A time to discuss options that can bring about a win-win situation for you and your child.
But your child doesn't want to abide by the family rules, you say. In a conversation, a parent needs to calmly restate the family rule, but then add, “how can we make this work so we're all happy?” Then listen to the ideas that might come forth. For example, in our family, our children had to take piano lessons. Was everyone happy with that? Uh, no! So I had to have many a conversation where I listened and then we brainstormed ideas. With one daughter, I did her dishes while she practiced, with a son, I bought his choice of sugary cereal if he practiced cheerfully for a week.
For older children can you have conversations about curfew? Can you talk about fighting without ending up fighting?
It's funny, but if you talk calmly and respectfully to your children, they will reciprocate. If they feel your love and concern, they will cooperate. You are a family—all on the same page. No power struggles, just conversations to work out problems, express concerns and show love.
Doesn't work does it? You are lecturing while they are ignoring you or yelling back or giving you every excuse in the book. But by golly, you are the parent and they are the child and they had just better listen to you!
If you have power struggles like this with your children, no one is going to win. Somehow you need to have a change of perspective. You need to view your children as special ones who have been entrusted to you by God to teach and love. You share mutual respect for them and want them to grow up to be responsible individuals. But how do you do it?
By having conversations instead of lectures. A conversation is a two way exchange. It involves talking AND listening—by both parties. A conversation is not a judging, yelling, accusation forum. It's a “we have a problem, what can we do about it?” exchange. It's a time to listen and understand a child or teenager's point of view. A time to express your feelings and needs. A time to discuss options that can bring about a win-win situation for you and your child.
But your child doesn't want to abide by the family rules, you say. In a conversation, a parent needs to calmly restate the family rule, but then add, “how can we make this work so we're all happy?” Then listen to the ideas that might come forth. For example, in our family, our children had to take piano lessons. Was everyone happy with that? Uh, no! So I had to have many a conversation where I listened and then we brainstormed ideas. With one daughter, I did her dishes while she practiced, with a son, I bought his choice of sugary cereal if he practiced cheerfully for a week.
For older children can you have conversations about curfew? Can you talk about fighting without ending up fighting?
It's funny, but if you talk calmly and respectfully to your children, they will reciprocate. If they feel your love and concern, they will cooperate. You are a family—all on the same page. No power struggles, just conversations to work out problems, express concerns and show love.
Monday, June 28, 2010
Music Tip #42 Choices, choices everywhere!
To go along with my parenting tip this week, I'm downloading a song that a friend and I wrote many years ago. It's about choices and all the choices children have to make. Some of my grandchildren are singing it--I hope the message gets to them eventually. It's a crack up! Here are the words:
Choices, choices everywhere, choices that are mine.
I must make the best choice, with so little time.
What book to read, what show to watch, which music is the best?
What friend shall I have over now, it's all part of the test.
Choices, choices everywhere, choices that are mine.
I must make the best choice, with so little time.
And when my life is over, you'll add them up and see,
That all my little choices, make up what you call ME!
Choices, choices everywhere, choices that are mine.
I must make the best choice, with so little time.
Choices, choices everywhere, choices that are mine.
I must make the best choice, with so little time.
What book to read, what show to watch, which music is the best?
What friend shall I have over now, it's all part of the test.
Choices, choices everywhere, choices that are mine.
I must make the best choice, with so little time.
And when my life is over, you'll add them up and see,
That all my little choices, make up what you call ME!
Choices, choices everywhere, choices that are mine.
I must make the best choice, with so little time.
Choices from Ammon Shepherd on Vimeo.
Parenting Tip #45 Children making Choices
Choices! I am sick and tired of making choices. I hate making choices especially when the outcome might be disastrous—like booking airline tickets and then finding out I need to change the dates. Or choosing what to fix for dinner.
But since choices are all around us constantly, and they seem to never quit coming, we need to teach our children how to make them.
One of the easiest and first ways to help our children learn to make choices is by giving them the choice of what clothes to wear. Most days you probably don’t care what shirt or pair of shorts your children wear. So let them wear what they choose. But even on days when you’re going out in public, you can still let your child choose what to wear, but within limits. ask, "Do you want to wear the levi skirt and blue blouse or the orange blouse?"
When you think about it, there are lots of choices you can let your children make. Choices such as:
Their apple cut in wedges or slices?
Their sandwich cut in rectangles or triangles?
Put their clothes away before they make their bed or after? (uh oh, I don’t think my kids ever even made their beds)
Stop whining or do an extra chore?
Do their homework at the kitchen table or on the couch?
Practice the piano before or after homework?
Brush their teeth before pajamas are on or after?
With each choice they make, children become more empowered. They feel more confident and in control of their lives. With older children and more difficult choices you can help them problem solve and see the advantages and disadvantages of choices.
My daughter in Florida is good at making choices, so often I or my other daughters will call her and get her advice. I must have taught her well, huh? You can see I let her choose her own clothes—here’s a picture of her as a teenager.
But since choices are all around us constantly, and they seem to never quit coming, we need to teach our children how to make them.
One of the easiest and first ways to help our children learn to make choices is by giving them the choice of what clothes to wear. Most days you probably don’t care what shirt or pair of shorts your children wear. So let them wear what they choose. But even on days when you’re going out in public, you can still let your child choose what to wear, but within limits. ask, "Do you want to wear the levi skirt and blue blouse or the orange blouse?"
When you think about it, there are lots of choices you can let your children make. Choices such as:
Their apple cut in wedges or slices?
Their sandwich cut in rectangles or triangles?
Put their clothes away before they make their bed or after? (uh oh, I don’t think my kids ever even made their beds)
Stop whining or do an extra chore?
Do their homework at the kitchen table or on the couch?
Practice the piano before or after homework?
Brush their teeth before pajamas are on or after?
With each choice they make, children become more empowered. They feel more confident and in control of their lives. With older children and more difficult choices you can help them problem solve and see the advantages and disadvantages of choices.
My daughter in Florida is good at making choices, so often I or my other daughters will call her and get her advice. I must have taught her well, huh? You can see I let her choose her own clothes—here’s a picture of her as a teenager.
Sunday, June 20, 2010
Parenting Tip #44 Ya'll get your room cleaned!
I asked my husband why he was so mad the other day. “I'm not mad,” he said. “Well, you sure sound mad.” Sometimes my husband says things in a certain tone of voice that just sounds mad to me—now I’m learning that he's not really mad—but it still sounds like he is.
What does your tone of voice sound like? Do your children think you're always mad? When you ask them to do chores, or you answer their questions, or you're telling them to get in the car, take time to listen to yourself. What do you sound like? A lot of times parents ARE mad. They are also in a hurry, frustrated, tired, and stressed to the max. It's hard not to pass those emotions on to your children.
I'm a part time music teacher and teach grades K-6. I love my job. But the 3rd graders are-- well, interesting. All the teachers agree. I found a little trick I do when I start getting frustrated and am afraid I'm going to lose it. I speak with a Southern accent. 'You bet, ya'll, when you get a southern drawl goin' you can say things you wouldn't normally say and get away with it.'
Say the following with a Southern accent: “Okay, you little critters, now I told you to get that room cleaned up. Now ya'll get in there before I say hound dog and you pick up 10 things off that floor. Ya hear me, now?”
Or how about a prim English accent: “I say, there, young man. Look smart now, and put your trousers on. That's a good lad.”
An Asian accent is fun to use too. The 3rd graders love my Asian accent--accompanied by much bowing, of course.
So trying using different accents this week. Use them to give directions to your children and watch how quickly they'll obey. In fact, if you use a southern accent, have them gallop on their horses to obey you. With an English accent, have them walk straight and tall and proper. With the Asian accent, they can bow as they go about their jobs. Have fun this week!
What does your tone of voice sound like? Do your children think you're always mad? When you ask them to do chores, or you answer their questions, or you're telling them to get in the car, take time to listen to yourself. What do you sound like? A lot of times parents ARE mad. They are also in a hurry, frustrated, tired, and stressed to the max. It's hard not to pass those emotions on to your children.
I'm a part time music teacher and teach grades K-6. I love my job. But the 3rd graders are-- well, interesting. All the teachers agree. I found a little trick I do when I start getting frustrated and am afraid I'm going to lose it. I speak with a Southern accent. 'You bet, ya'll, when you get a southern drawl goin' you can say things you wouldn't normally say and get away with it.'
Say the following with a Southern accent: “Okay, you little critters, now I told you to get that room cleaned up. Now ya'll get in there before I say hound dog and you pick up 10 things off that floor. Ya hear me, now?”
Or how about a prim English accent: “I say, there, young man. Look smart now, and put your trousers on. That's a good lad.”
An Asian accent is fun to use too. The 3rd graders love my Asian accent--accompanied by much bowing, of course.
So trying using different accents this week. Use them to give directions to your children and watch how quickly they'll obey. In fact, if you use a southern accent, have them gallop on their horses to obey you. With an English accent, have them walk straight and tall and proper. With the Asian accent, they can bow as they go about their jobs. Have fun this week!
Music Tip #41 Music sites for kids
It’s summer time and the living is easy. Need some ideas to keep your little ones involved in music? I’ve been surfing the web, trying to find some nice music sites for children and here are a few I’ve found:
http://www.kidspublicradio.org/about.html - This is a free public radio station that features kids plus YOU. You and your children can add your own stories, songs, interviews or whatever. The station carries music, news, stories, comedy, lullabies, educational programming and more. These are presented in distinct non-commercial programs and serve an audience of kids aged 0 to 11 and their parents.
http://www.montyharper.com/ He writes songs for kids that teach science, reading, creativity and more.
http://www.kidscorner.org/html/mediaroom.php - a radio station that contains a variety of educational and entertaining programs for kids ages 5-13. The show enables kids to get involved in interactive segments and demonstrate their knowledge, talent and abilities.
http://www.fromthetop.org/ - America's most extraordinary young musicians aged 8 to 18 are showcased on this PBS TV and radio show called From the Top
http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=92071316 – NPR watch full videos of your favorite musicians performing at Bob Boilen's desk in the NPR Music office.
Share any kids music sites that’s you’ve found interesting.
http://www.kidspublicradio.org/about.html - This is a free public radio station that features kids plus YOU. You and your children can add your own stories, songs, interviews or whatever. The station carries music, news, stories, comedy, lullabies, educational programming and more. These are presented in distinct non-commercial programs and serve an audience of kids aged 0 to 11 and their parents.
http://www.montyharper.com/ He writes songs for kids that teach science, reading, creativity and more.
http://www.kidscorner.org/html/mediaroom.php - a radio station that contains a variety of educational and entertaining programs for kids ages 5-13. The show enables kids to get involved in interactive segments and demonstrate their knowledge, talent and abilities.
http://www.fromthetop.org/ - America's most extraordinary young musicians aged 8 to 18 are showcased on this PBS TV and radio show called From the Top
http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=92071316 – NPR watch full videos of your favorite musicians performing at Bob Boilen's desk in the NPR Music office.
Share any kids music sites that’s you’ve found interesting.
Sunday, June 13, 2010
Parenting Tip #43 Which Comes First?
In the book, Blink, the author, Malcolm Gladwell, relates some fascinating research that was done by Paul Ekman and Wallace Friesen. They created a chart of facial expressions by learning how each muscle in the face works and how they layer with other muscles to create over 10,000 visible facial configurations. Then they practiced for hours learning how to voluntarily make the muscle movements that were used for different emotions we feel.
They discovered a very important principle when they were working on expressions for anger and distress. They noticed that they really FELT terrible after a day when they had sat for hours practicing angry expressions. They noticed that their heartbeat would go up 10-12 beats, their hands would get hot and they would feel the emotion they were trying to expression. They discovered that “expression alone is sufficient to create marked changes in the autonomic nervous system.” (Blink, page 206)
A German team of psychologists conducted an experiment where a group of subjects looked at cartoons while either holding a pen between their lips (making it impossible to smile) or holding a pen clenched between their teeth (forcing them to smile). The group holding the pen between their teeth found the cartoons much funnier than the other group. (Blink, page 207)
Which came first--the chicken or the egg? Which comes first—the emotion or the muscles making the expression for the emotion?
How does this relate to me as a parent? Consider one of these common scenarios: you are having a bad day, or you have PMS, or you are tired, or you are just stressed out. Your emotions consist of anger, depression, tiredness, fatigue, frustration, or impatience, plus probably many more. What can you do about your emotions based on the above studies?
I remember days when I had PMS, and days when I was tired and frustrated and stressed. I would go to my bedroom and try to figure out how to get through the rest of the day. Sometimes I would gather every ounce of strength I had left and stand in front of my mirror. Then I would literally force myself to smile and maybe even choke out a laugh or two. I would open my bedroom door and pretend to be happy and go out and try to meet the needs of my children. And an amazing thing would happen, as I pretended to be happy, I started really feeling happy.
Please do not misinterpret me. If you have clinical depression or severe PMS or manic depression disorder,you need to see a physician and get the medical help that is available. What a wonderful day we live in where we have medicine that will get our bodies back in line with where they need to be. Take advantage of that fact!
But if you're just experiencing a down sort of blue day, or you are overwhelmed and tired and you can't go back to bed--then try experimenting with your emotions. See if you can manipulate your facial muscles into a smile and put a little song in your heart and go skipping off to take care of the needs of your family. Fake a laugh at yourself and pretty soon you will be laughing and smiling and feeling at least a little better than you were.
They discovered a very important principle when they were working on expressions for anger and distress. They noticed that they really FELT terrible after a day when they had sat for hours practicing angry expressions. They noticed that their heartbeat would go up 10-12 beats, their hands would get hot and they would feel the emotion they were trying to expression. They discovered that “expression alone is sufficient to create marked changes in the autonomic nervous system.” (Blink, page 206)
A German team of psychologists conducted an experiment where a group of subjects looked at cartoons while either holding a pen between their lips (making it impossible to smile) or holding a pen clenched between their teeth (forcing them to smile). The group holding the pen between their teeth found the cartoons much funnier than the other group. (Blink, page 207)
Which came first--the chicken or the egg? Which comes first—the emotion or the muscles making the expression for the emotion?
How does this relate to me as a parent? Consider one of these common scenarios: you are having a bad day, or you have PMS, or you are tired, or you are just stressed out. Your emotions consist of anger, depression, tiredness, fatigue, frustration, or impatience, plus probably many more. What can you do about your emotions based on the above studies?
I remember days when I had PMS, and days when I was tired and frustrated and stressed. I would go to my bedroom and try to figure out how to get through the rest of the day. Sometimes I would gather every ounce of strength I had left and stand in front of my mirror. Then I would literally force myself to smile and maybe even choke out a laugh or two. I would open my bedroom door and pretend to be happy and go out and try to meet the needs of my children. And an amazing thing would happen, as I pretended to be happy, I started really feeling happy.
Please do not misinterpret me. If you have clinical depression or severe PMS or manic depression disorder,you need to see a physician and get the medical help that is available. What a wonderful day we live in where we have medicine that will get our bodies back in line with where they need to be. Take advantage of that fact!
But if you're just experiencing a down sort of blue day, or you are overwhelmed and tired and you can't go back to bed--then try experimenting with your emotions. See if you can manipulate your facial muscles into a smile and put a little song in your heart and go skipping off to take care of the needs of your family. Fake a laugh at yourself and pretty soon you will be laughing and smiling and feeling at least a little better than you were.
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