It’s summer time and the living is easy. Need some ideas to keep your kids involved in music? I’ve been surfing the web, trying to find some nice music sites for children and here are a few I’ve come up with:
www.makingmusicfun.net This is a great site that offers free, simplified folk and classical piano sheet music. It also has interactive theory games, composer and music literacy sections, free worksheets, a songs library and much, much more.
http://www.kidspublicradio.org/about.html - This is a free public radio station that features kids plus YOU. You and your children can add your own stories, songs, interviews or whatever. The station carries music, news, stories, comedy, lullabies, educational programming and more which are presented in distinct non-commercial programs and serve an audience of kids aged 0 to 11 and their parents.
http://www.montyharper.com/ Monty Harper writes songs for kids that teach science, reading, creativity and more.
http://www.kidscorner.org/html/mediaroom.php - a radio station that contains a variety of educational and entertaining programs for kids ages 5-13. The show enables kids to get involved in interactive segments and demonstrate their knowledge, talent and abilities.
http://www.fromthetop.org/ - America's most extraordinary young musicians aged 8 to 18 are showcased on this PBS TV and radio show called From the Top
http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=92071316 – NPR watch full videos of your favorite musicians performing at Bob Boilen's desk in the NPR Music office.
http://www.classicsforkids.com/ This site is designed to help you introduce your child to classical music. It has lesson plans, activities, music, information about composers, theory and composing games plus lots more.
http://www.childrensmusic.org/ this site is a non-profit resource for kids, families, and children's performers worldwide. It has children's radio stations, teaches about sound effects, teaches how to make a CD and lots of other fun things.
Share any kids music sites that’s you’ve found interesting.
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Sunday, July 11, 2010
Parenting Tip #46 Conversations vs Lectures
Do your children have problems? Is there something going on in their lives that's not right. Are they fighting with siblings? Being sassy to you, the parent? Then you better go lecture them right now and let them know who's in charge. You're the boss, not them. Lay down the law. Make them shape up!
Doesn't work does it? You are lecturing while they are ignoring you or yelling back or giving you every excuse in the book. But by golly, you are the parent and they are the child and they had just better listen to you!
If you have power struggles like this with your children, no one is going to win. Somehow you need to have a change of perspective. You need to view your children as special ones who have been entrusted to you by God to teach and love. You share mutual respect for them and want them to grow up to be responsible individuals. But how do you do it?
By having conversations instead of lectures. A conversation is a two way exchange. It involves talking AND listening—by both parties. A conversation is not a judging, yelling, accusation forum. It's a “we have a problem, what can we do about it?” exchange. It's a time to listen and understand a child or teenager's point of view. A time to express your feelings and needs. A time to discuss options that can bring about a win-win situation for you and your child.
But your child doesn't want to abide by the family rules, you say. In a conversation, a parent needs to calmly restate the family rule, but then add, “how can we make this work so we're all happy?” Then listen to the ideas that might come forth. For example, in our family, our children had to take piano lessons. Was everyone happy with that? Uh, no! So I had to have many a conversation where I listened and then we brainstormed ideas. With one daughter, I did her dishes while she practiced, with a son, I bought his choice of sugary cereal if he practiced cheerfully for a week.
For older children can you have conversations about curfew? Can you talk about fighting without ending up fighting?
It's funny, but if you talk calmly and respectfully to your children, they will reciprocate. If they feel your love and concern, they will cooperate. You are a family—all on the same page. No power struggles, just conversations to work out problems, express concerns and show love.
Doesn't work does it? You are lecturing while they are ignoring you or yelling back or giving you every excuse in the book. But by golly, you are the parent and they are the child and they had just better listen to you!
If you have power struggles like this with your children, no one is going to win. Somehow you need to have a change of perspective. You need to view your children as special ones who have been entrusted to you by God to teach and love. You share mutual respect for them and want them to grow up to be responsible individuals. But how do you do it?
By having conversations instead of lectures. A conversation is a two way exchange. It involves talking AND listening—by both parties. A conversation is not a judging, yelling, accusation forum. It's a “we have a problem, what can we do about it?” exchange. It's a time to listen and understand a child or teenager's point of view. A time to express your feelings and needs. A time to discuss options that can bring about a win-win situation for you and your child.
But your child doesn't want to abide by the family rules, you say. In a conversation, a parent needs to calmly restate the family rule, but then add, “how can we make this work so we're all happy?” Then listen to the ideas that might come forth. For example, in our family, our children had to take piano lessons. Was everyone happy with that? Uh, no! So I had to have many a conversation where I listened and then we brainstormed ideas. With one daughter, I did her dishes while she practiced, with a son, I bought his choice of sugary cereal if he practiced cheerfully for a week.
For older children can you have conversations about curfew? Can you talk about fighting without ending up fighting?
It's funny, but if you talk calmly and respectfully to your children, they will reciprocate. If they feel your love and concern, they will cooperate. You are a family—all on the same page. No power struggles, just conversations to work out problems, express concerns and show love.
Monday, June 28, 2010
Music Tip #42 Choices, choices everywhere!
To go along with my parenting tip this week, I'm downloading a song that a friend and I wrote many years ago. It's about choices and all the choices children have to make. Some of my grandchildren are singing it--I hope the message gets to them eventually. It's a crack up! Here are the words:
Choices, choices everywhere, choices that are mine.
I must make the best choice, with so little time.
What book to read, what show to watch, which music is the best?
What friend shall I have over now, it's all part of the test.
Choices, choices everywhere, choices that are mine.
I must make the best choice, with so little time.
And when my life is over, you'll add them up and see,
That all my little choices, make up what you call ME!
Choices, choices everywhere, choices that are mine.
I must make the best choice, with so little time.
Choices, choices everywhere, choices that are mine.
I must make the best choice, with so little time.
What book to read, what show to watch, which music is the best?
What friend shall I have over now, it's all part of the test.
Choices, choices everywhere, choices that are mine.
I must make the best choice, with so little time.
And when my life is over, you'll add them up and see,
That all my little choices, make up what you call ME!
Choices, choices everywhere, choices that are mine.
I must make the best choice, with so little time.
Choices from Ammon Shepherd on Vimeo.
Parenting Tip #45 Children making Choices
Choices! I am sick and tired of making choices. I hate making choices especially when the outcome might be disastrous—like booking airline tickets and then finding out I need to change the dates. Or choosing what to fix for dinner.
But since choices are all around us constantly, and they seem to never quit coming, we need to teach our children how to make them.
One of the easiest and first ways to help our children learn to make choices is by giving them the choice of what clothes to wear. Most days you probably don’t care what shirt or pair of shorts your children wear. So let them wear what they choose. But even on days when you’re going out in public, you can still let your child choose what to wear, but within limits. ask, "Do you want to wear the levi skirt and blue blouse or the orange blouse?"
When you think about it, there are lots of choices you can let your children make. Choices such as:
Their apple cut in wedges or slices?
Their sandwich cut in rectangles or triangles?
Put their clothes away before they make their bed or after? (uh oh, I don’t think my kids ever even made their beds)
Stop whining or do an extra chore?
Do their homework at the kitchen table or on the couch?
Practice the piano before or after homework?
Brush their teeth before pajamas are on or after?
With each choice they make, children become more empowered. They feel more confident and in control of their lives. With older children and more difficult choices you can help them problem solve and see the advantages and disadvantages of choices.
My daughter in Florida is good at making choices, so often I or my other daughters will call her and get her advice. I must have taught her well, huh? You can see I let her choose her own clothes—here’s a picture of her as a teenager.
But since choices are all around us constantly, and they seem to never quit coming, we need to teach our children how to make them.
One of the easiest and first ways to help our children learn to make choices is by giving them the choice of what clothes to wear. Most days you probably don’t care what shirt or pair of shorts your children wear. So let them wear what they choose. But even on days when you’re going out in public, you can still let your child choose what to wear, but within limits. ask, "Do you want to wear the levi skirt and blue blouse or the orange blouse?"
When you think about it, there are lots of choices you can let your children make. Choices such as:
Their apple cut in wedges or slices?
Their sandwich cut in rectangles or triangles?
Put their clothes away before they make their bed or after? (uh oh, I don’t think my kids ever even made their beds)
Stop whining or do an extra chore?
Do their homework at the kitchen table or on the couch?
Practice the piano before or after homework?
Brush their teeth before pajamas are on or after?
With each choice they make, children become more empowered. They feel more confident and in control of their lives. With older children and more difficult choices you can help them problem solve and see the advantages and disadvantages of choices.
My daughter in Florida is good at making choices, so often I or my other daughters will call her and get her advice. I must have taught her well, huh? You can see I let her choose her own clothes—here’s a picture of her as a teenager.
Sunday, June 20, 2010
Parenting Tip #44 Ya'll get your room cleaned!
I asked my husband why he was so mad the other day. “I'm not mad,” he said. “Well, you sure sound mad.” Sometimes my husband says things in a certain tone of voice that just sounds mad to me—now I’m learning that he's not really mad—but it still sounds like he is.
What does your tone of voice sound like? Do your children think you're always mad? When you ask them to do chores, or you answer their questions, or you're telling them to get in the car, take time to listen to yourself. What do you sound like? A lot of times parents ARE mad. They are also in a hurry, frustrated, tired, and stressed to the max. It's hard not to pass those emotions on to your children.
I'm a part time music teacher and teach grades K-6. I love my job. But the 3rd graders are-- well, interesting. All the teachers agree. I found a little trick I do when I start getting frustrated and am afraid I'm going to lose it. I speak with a Southern accent. 'You bet, ya'll, when you get a southern drawl goin' you can say things you wouldn't normally say and get away with it.'
Say the following with a Southern accent: “Okay, you little critters, now I told you to get that room cleaned up. Now ya'll get in there before I say hound dog and you pick up 10 things off that floor. Ya hear me, now?”
Or how about a prim English accent: “I say, there, young man. Look smart now, and put your trousers on. That's a good lad.”
An Asian accent is fun to use too. The 3rd graders love my Asian accent--accompanied by much bowing, of course.
So trying using different accents this week. Use them to give directions to your children and watch how quickly they'll obey. In fact, if you use a southern accent, have them gallop on their horses to obey you. With an English accent, have them walk straight and tall and proper. With the Asian accent, they can bow as they go about their jobs. Have fun this week!
What does your tone of voice sound like? Do your children think you're always mad? When you ask them to do chores, or you answer their questions, or you're telling them to get in the car, take time to listen to yourself. What do you sound like? A lot of times parents ARE mad. They are also in a hurry, frustrated, tired, and stressed to the max. It's hard not to pass those emotions on to your children.
I'm a part time music teacher and teach grades K-6. I love my job. But the 3rd graders are-- well, interesting. All the teachers agree. I found a little trick I do when I start getting frustrated and am afraid I'm going to lose it. I speak with a Southern accent. 'You bet, ya'll, when you get a southern drawl goin' you can say things you wouldn't normally say and get away with it.'
Say the following with a Southern accent: “Okay, you little critters, now I told you to get that room cleaned up. Now ya'll get in there before I say hound dog and you pick up 10 things off that floor. Ya hear me, now?”
Or how about a prim English accent: “I say, there, young man. Look smart now, and put your trousers on. That's a good lad.”
An Asian accent is fun to use too. The 3rd graders love my Asian accent--accompanied by much bowing, of course.
So trying using different accents this week. Use them to give directions to your children and watch how quickly they'll obey. In fact, if you use a southern accent, have them gallop on their horses to obey you. With an English accent, have them walk straight and tall and proper. With the Asian accent, they can bow as they go about their jobs. Have fun this week!
Music Tip #41 Music sites for kids
It’s summer time and the living is easy. Need some ideas to keep your little ones involved in music? I’ve been surfing the web, trying to find some nice music sites for children and here are a few I’ve found:
http://www.kidspublicradio.org/about.html - This is a free public radio station that features kids plus YOU. You and your children can add your own stories, songs, interviews or whatever. The station carries music, news, stories, comedy, lullabies, educational programming and more. These are presented in distinct non-commercial programs and serve an audience of kids aged 0 to 11 and their parents.
http://www.montyharper.com/ He writes songs for kids that teach science, reading, creativity and more.
http://www.kidscorner.org/html/mediaroom.php - a radio station that contains a variety of educational and entertaining programs for kids ages 5-13. The show enables kids to get involved in interactive segments and demonstrate their knowledge, talent and abilities.
http://www.fromthetop.org/ - America's most extraordinary young musicians aged 8 to 18 are showcased on this PBS TV and radio show called From the Top
http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=92071316 – NPR watch full videos of your favorite musicians performing at Bob Boilen's desk in the NPR Music office.
Share any kids music sites that’s you’ve found interesting.
http://www.kidspublicradio.org/about.html - This is a free public radio station that features kids plus YOU. You and your children can add your own stories, songs, interviews or whatever. The station carries music, news, stories, comedy, lullabies, educational programming and more. These are presented in distinct non-commercial programs and serve an audience of kids aged 0 to 11 and their parents.
http://www.montyharper.com/ He writes songs for kids that teach science, reading, creativity and more.
http://www.kidscorner.org/html/mediaroom.php - a radio station that contains a variety of educational and entertaining programs for kids ages 5-13. The show enables kids to get involved in interactive segments and demonstrate their knowledge, talent and abilities.
http://www.fromthetop.org/ - America's most extraordinary young musicians aged 8 to 18 are showcased on this PBS TV and radio show called From the Top
http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=92071316 – NPR watch full videos of your favorite musicians performing at Bob Boilen's desk in the NPR Music office.
Share any kids music sites that’s you’ve found interesting.
Sunday, June 13, 2010
Parenting Tip #43 Which Comes First?
In the book, Blink, the author, Malcolm Gladwell, relates some fascinating research that was done by Paul Ekman and Wallace Friesen. They created a chart of facial expressions by learning how each muscle in the face works and how they layer with other muscles to create over 10,000 visible facial configurations. Then they practiced for hours learning how to voluntarily make the muscle movements that were used for different emotions we feel.
They discovered a very important principle when they were working on expressions for anger and distress. They noticed that they really FELT terrible after a day when they had sat for hours practicing angry expressions. They noticed that their heartbeat would go up 10-12 beats, their hands would get hot and they would feel the emotion they were trying to expression. They discovered that “expression alone is sufficient to create marked changes in the autonomic nervous system.” (Blink, page 206)
A German team of psychologists conducted an experiment where a group of subjects looked at cartoons while either holding a pen between their lips (making it impossible to smile) or holding a pen clenched between their teeth (forcing them to smile). The group holding the pen between their teeth found the cartoons much funnier than the other group. (Blink, page 207)
Which came first--the chicken or the egg? Which comes first—the emotion or the muscles making the expression for the emotion?
How does this relate to me as a parent? Consider one of these common scenarios: you are having a bad day, or you have PMS, or you are tired, or you are just stressed out. Your emotions consist of anger, depression, tiredness, fatigue, frustration, or impatience, plus probably many more. What can you do about your emotions based on the above studies?
I remember days when I had PMS, and days when I was tired and frustrated and stressed. I would go to my bedroom and try to figure out how to get through the rest of the day. Sometimes I would gather every ounce of strength I had left and stand in front of my mirror. Then I would literally force myself to smile and maybe even choke out a laugh or two. I would open my bedroom door and pretend to be happy and go out and try to meet the needs of my children. And an amazing thing would happen, as I pretended to be happy, I started really feeling happy.
Please do not misinterpret me. If you have clinical depression or severe PMS or manic depression disorder,you need to see a physician and get the medical help that is available. What a wonderful day we live in where we have medicine that will get our bodies back in line with where they need to be. Take advantage of that fact!
But if you're just experiencing a down sort of blue day, or you are overwhelmed and tired and you can't go back to bed--then try experimenting with your emotions. See if you can manipulate your facial muscles into a smile and put a little song in your heart and go skipping off to take care of the needs of your family. Fake a laugh at yourself and pretty soon you will be laughing and smiling and feeling at least a little better than you were.
They discovered a very important principle when they were working on expressions for anger and distress. They noticed that they really FELT terrible after a day when they had sat for hours practicing angry expressions. They noticed that their heartbeat would go up 10-12 beats, their hands would get hot and they would feel the emotion they were trying to expression. They discovered that “expression alone is sufficient to create marked changes in the autonomic nervous system.” (Blink, page 206)
A German team of psychologists conducted an experiment where a group of subjects looked at cartoons while either holding a pen between their lips (making it impossible to smile) or holding a pen clenched between their teeth (forcing them to smile). The group holding the pen between their teeth found the cartoons much funnier than the other group. (Blink, page 207)
Which came first--the chicken or the egg? Which comes first—the emotion or the muscles making the expression for the emotion?
How does this relate to me as a parent? Consider one of these common scenarios: you are having a bad day, or you have PMS, or you are tired, or you are just stressed out. Your emotions consist of anger, depression, tiredness, fatigue, frustration, or impatience, plus probably many more. What can you do about your emotions based on the above studies?
I remember days when I had PMS, and days when I was tired and frustrated and stressed. I would go to my bedroom and try to figure out how to get through the rest of the day. Sometimes I would gather every ounce of strength I had left and stand in front of my mirror. Then I would literally force myself to smile and maybe even choke out a laugh or two. I would open my bedroom door and pretend to be happy and go out and try to meet the needs of my children. And an amazing thing would happen, as I pretended to be happy, I started really feeling happy.
Please do not misinterpret me. If you have clinical depression or severe PMS or manic depression disorder,you need to see a physician and get the medical help that is available. What a wonderful day we live in where we have medicine that will get our bodies back in line with where they need to be. Take advantage of that fact!
But if you're just experiencing a down sort of blue day, or you are overwhelmed and tired and you can't go back to bed--then try experimenting with your emotions. See if you can manipulate your facial muscles into a smile and put a little song in your heart and go skipping off to take care of the needs of your family. Fake a laugh at yourself and pretty soon you will be laughing and smiling and feeling at least a little better than you were.
Sunday, June 6, 2010
Music Tip #40 Not just Nice, but POWERFUL
“Music lessons are not just a NICE thing to give your children, but a tremendously POWERFUL thing to grow your child’s intelligence”, says Andrew Pudewa former Suzuki violin teacher, Kindermusik teacher and now director of the Institute for Excellence in Writing and a homeschooling father of seven.
I just listened to Pudewa’s audio presentation entitled The Profound Effects of Music on Life and was fascinated with all the research showing the importance of music on brain development. http://www.excellenceinwriting.com/mus
Mr. Pudewa quotes research done by Dr. Francis Rauscher, a behavioral psychologist. She had four different preschool groups receive 20 minutes of after school instruction for 6 months. Each group was composed of 20 preschoolers. One group had free play, one group had singing, another had computers and the fourth group had piano lessons. At the onset of the experiment, each preschooler was given a puzzle representing a camel, that they were timed to see how fast they could put together. After 6 months of their daily 20 minutes afterschool activity, they again were tested. Scores naturally were higher in each group, considering that the children were older but the preschool children given six months of keyboard instruction increased spatial-temporal IQ scores by an average of 46% over the other supplemental instruction groups!
Why does learning to play the piano (or other musical instrument)increase intellectual capacity? Because it changes the brain! When you learn a musical instrument you are utilizing three of the senses: hearing, seeing and touch. These form neural pathways in different parts of the brain and you are "growing your brain power".
But another reason for teaching your young children to play music was said best by Dr. Suzuki, founder of the Suzuki Method. He said "if children hear fine music from the day of their birth and learn to play it, they develop sensitivity, discipline and endurance. They get a beautiful heart." And that is worth getting!
I just listened to Pudewa’s audio presentation entitled The Profound Effects of Music on Life and was fascinated with all the research showing the importance of music on brain development. http://www.excellenceinwriting.com/mus
Mr. Pudewa quotes research done by Dr. Francis Rauscher, a behavioral psychologist. She had four different preschool groups receive 20 minutes of after school instruction for 6 months. Each group was composed of 20 preschoolers. One group had free play, one group had singing, another had computers and the fourth group had piano lessons. At the onset of the experiment, each preschooler was given a puzzle representing a camel, that they were timed to see how fast they could put together. After 6 months of their daily 20 minutes afterschool activity, they again were tested. Scores naturally were higher in each group, considering that the children were older but the preschool children given six months of keyboard instruction increased spatial-temporal IQ scores by an average of 46% over the other supplemental instruction groups!
Why does learning to play the piano (or other musical instrument)increase intellectual capacity? Because it changes the brain! When you learn a musical instrument you are utilizing three of the senses: hearing, seeing and touch. These form neural pathways in different parts of the brain and you are "growing your brain power".
But another reason for teaching your young children to play music was said best by Dr. Suzuki, founder of the Suzuki Method. He said "if children hear fine music from the day of their birth and learn to play it, they develop sensitivity, discipline and endurance. They get a beautiful heart." And that is worth getting!
Parenting Tip #42 Positive vs Negative
+ - Which one is your outlook on life? There are so many ways to think of positive and negative. Let’s think about the positive and negative words we say and how our children may react to them.
My sister, a 6th grade school teacher, makes it a habit to say 3 positive things to a student before she says a negative one. A mother listening to her daughter’s piano lesson noticed that the piano teacher said 5 positive things to her daughter before she ever mentioned a negative one. It might be eye opening to record our conversations at home and see if they are mostly positive or negative.
But how do you discipline your children or point out things they are doing wrong? How do you get them to obey and listen to you? We know that our children want our attention. The problem is, they will settle for negative attention if they can’t get the positive attention. And since we give them so much negative attention, they’re getting what they want so they don’t need to hold out until they get the positive attention.
Here’s some scenarios that may happen at your house. Your child, age 4, gets dressed by himself and comes out looking like a mismatched hobo. What do you say? Well, if you don’t have to go anywhere that day, just compliment him on getting dressed all by himself. If you do have to go somewhere important and need him to look “decent” you might say, “Josh, you got dressed all by yourself! Way to go! I love it when you follow directions. Guess what? We are going to _______ and I need you to wear a different shirt with those shorts. How about putting on your blue shirt while we sing the ABC song?”
Or this scenario: your daughter and son finished clearing the table and loading the dishwasher, but the table wasn’t washed, the floor wasn’t swept or the counters washed. What do you say? “Thanks for doing your chores. I was able to _____while you did them. But I need you to go back and wipe the table and counters and sweep the floor. Thanks guys!”
A daughter-in-law told me one day she was looking for the positive but sure couldn’t find much. Finally she told her daughter “thanks for that hug!” even though she was supposed to be in her own room getting her pjs on. Now her daughter was more willing to go get dressed after being validated for something good she had done. Then she told her older son, “You were helping Tac get dressed, how thoughtful of you,” as they jumped on the couches whooping and hollering in their pajamas. But again, they were much more willing to follow the next directions they were given when their mom saw that they did do something right.
Try it today. Say 3 positive things to your children before saying a negative. You'll start noticing the positive and become happier with your children. Or then again, you may become a mute!
My sister, a 6th grade school teacher, makes it a habit to say 3 positive things to a student before she says a negative one. A mother listening to her daughter’s piano lesson noticed that the piano teacher said 5 positive things to her daughter before she ever mentioned a negative one. It might be eye opening to record our conversations at home and see if they are mostly positive or negative.
But how do you discipline your children or point out things they are doing wrong? How do you get them to obey and listen to you? We know that our children want our attention. The problem is, they will settle for negative attention if they can’t get the positive attention. And since we give them so much negative attention, they’re getting what they want so they don’t need to hold out until they get the positive attention.
Here’s some scenarios that may happen at your house. Your child, age 4, gets dressed by himself and comes out looking like a mismatched hobo. What do you say? Well, if you don’t have to go anywhere that day, just compliment him on getting dressed all by himself. If you do have to go somewhere important and need him to look “decent” you might say, “Josh, you got dressed all by yourself! Way to go! I love it when you follow directions. Guess what? We are going to _______ and I need you to wear a different shirt with those shorts. How about putting on your blue shirt while we sing the ABC song?”
Or this scenario: your daughter and son finished clearing the table and loading the dishwasher, but the table wasn’t washed, the floor wasn’t swept or the counters washed. What do you say? “Thanks for doing your chores. I was able to _____while you did them. But I need you to go back and wipe the table and counters and sweep the floor. Thanks guys!”
A daughter-in-law told me one day she was looking for the positive but sure couldn’t find much. Finally she told her daughter “thanks for that hug!” even though she was supposed to be in her own room getting her pjs on. Now her daughter was more willing to go get dressed after being validated for something good she had done. Then she told her older son, “You were helping Tac get dressed, how thoughtful of you,” as they jumped on the couches whooping and hollering in their pajamas. But again, they were much more willing to follow the next directions they were given when their mom saw that they did do something right.
Try it today. Say 3 positive things to your children before saying a negative. You'll start noticing the positive and become happier with your children. Or then again, you may become a mute!
Sunday, May 30, 2010
Parenting Tip #41 Quarreling Siblings
Click here to see a comic from Baby Blues:
http://www.babyblues.com/archive/index.php?formname=getstrip&GoToDay=04/05/2010
How do you deal with fighting in your family? It's natural for siblings to disagree with each other but how far do we, as parents, let that disagreement go? Arguing, shouting, hitting? Is that acceptable and normal?
My brother, parent to 6 children, has this to say about the problem,"the most important tip I can give is to not let siblings quarrel, pick on each other or annoy each other. If parents let that happen, then resentment is created that can last a lifetime. Stop the quarrel and make it a hard fast rule in the house. Send quarreling kids to separate corners, bedrooms or whatever it takes. This is what Mom and Dad did while we were growing up and it is a major reason why we siblings like each other as adults. If you can't stop children from quarreling, then you aren't in control."
The scriptures say, "Forbearing one another and forgiving one another if any man (insert the word "child")have a quarrel against any: even as Christ forgave you, so also do ye." Colossians 3:13 And in Mosiah 4:14 And ye will not suffer your children...[to]fight and quarrel one with another...but ye will teach them to love one another and to serve one another."
Easier said than done. So how do you keep your children from fighting?
1.Keep them busy. If your children are fighting, they must be bored, so give a chore to each child then quickly think of a fun game or activity they can do when finished.
2.Talk to your children separately and LISTEN to them. Many times I had to explain to one of my children that the very thing that their sibling was doing that annoyed them, was exactly what they were doing a few years ago that annoyed their older brother. Help them to see and understand age group characteristics so they can better understand their brother or sister's behavior.http://pediatrics.about.com/od/toddlers/a/05_terrble_twos.htmhttp://urbanext.illinois.edu/babysitting/age-school.html
3. Don't do a lot of talking and lecturing. Separate the children. Give a time out. Then regroup and focus on a new activity.
4. Make your children SING their disagreements. This usually ends up in a laughing session instead of a fighting session.
5. Distract your children with a story from your childhood. Let them know you understand they have angry feelings, but that hitting and name calling is not the solution.
6. Give your children the gift of words. Ask them to explain WHAT the behavior is that they don't like. HOW that makes them feel. Let them offer some solutions.
7. Be a peacemaker. Work together as a family. Don't make it a power struggle with you, the parent, now becoming the shouting or hitting person.
8. Teach your children to serve each other.
9. Encourage children and family members to express love for one another. Talk about family love and how team work helps everyone.
10. Don't compare your children or label them. Accept them and teach them.
Remember, there is no quick fix in life. But if you ignore fighting in your family, it will escalate and get worse. Be proactive! Teach your children to love each other. And work on it every day--because that's what it takes.
http://www.babyblues.com/archive/index.php?formname=getstrip&GoToDay=04/05/2010
How do you deal with fighting in your family? It's natural for siblings to disagree with each other but how far do we, as parents, let that disagreement go? Arguing, shouting, hitting? Is that acceptable and normal?
My brother, parent to 6 children, has this to say about the problem,"the most important tip I can give is to not let siblings quarrel, pick on each other or annoy each other. If parents let that happen, then resentment is created that can last a lifetime. Stop the quarrel and make it a hard fast rule in the house. Send quarreling kids to separate corners, bedrooms or whatever it takes. This is what Mom and Dad did while we were growing up and it is a major reason why we siblings like each other as adults. If you can't stop children from quarreling, then you aren't in control."
The scriptures say, "Forbearing one another and forgiving one another if any man (insert the word "child")have a quarrel against any: even as Christ forgave you, so also do ye." Colossians 3:13 And in Mosiah 4:14 And ye will not suffer your children...[to]fight and quarrel one with another...but ye will teach them to love one another and to serve one another."
Easier said than done. So how do you keep your children from fighting?
1.Keep them busy. If your children are fighting, they must be bored, so give a chore to each child then quickly think of a fun game or activity they can do when finished.
2.Talk to your children separately and LISTEN to them. Many times I had to explain to one of my children that the very thing that their sibling was doing that annoyed them, was exactly what they were doing a few years ago that annoyed their older brother. Help them to see and understand age group characteristics so they can better understand their brother or sister's behavior.http://pediatrics.about.com/od/toddlers/a/05_terrble_twos.htmhttp://urbanext.illinois.edu/babysitting/age-school.html
3. Don't do a lot of talking and lecturing. Separate the children. Give a time out. Then regroup and focus on a new activity.
4. Make your children SING their disagreements. This usually ends up in a laughing session instead of a fighting session.
5. Distract your children with a story from your childhood. Let them know you understand they have angry feelings, but that hitting and name calling is not the solution.
6. Give your children the gift of words. Ask them to explain WHAT the behavior is that they don't like. HOW that makes them feel. Let them offer some solutions.
7. Be a peacemaker. Work together as a family. Don't make it a power struggle with you, the parent, now becoming the shouting or hitting person.
8. Teach your children to serve each other.
9. Encourage children and family members to express love for one another. Talk about family love and how team work helps everyone.
10. Don't compare your children or label them. Accept them and teach them.
Remember, there is no quick fix in life. But if you ignore fighting in your family, it will escalate and get worse. Be proactive! Teach your children to love each other. And work on it every day--because that's what it takes.
Sunday, May 23, 2010
Music Tip #40 Song for baby bounce
Looking for a song to sing to your baby? Here’s a cute song my son sings to his infant baby boy. It has a cute bounce to it and will grow with the baby. For infants, just a gentle jiggle is fun. For toddlers you can bounce high and sway back and forth during the middle section.
Parenting Tip #40 Listen
I listened to a journalist tell about his experiences as he reported on the disasters of Haiti. He was there the day after the earthquake happened and saw the devastation that happened from buildings falling down. He helped in the relief effort to find victims hidden under the debris. He and his crew took their microphone and dangled it down amid broken cement slabs, then hushed the crowd so they could listen for cries from any survivors lying below. The first day they heard people crying and yelling from under the crushed stones, but they were helpless to save them. The walls were heavy and impossible to move. There were no heavy equipment machines to move the cement walls.
Each day as they lowered their microphone down the cracks, they would listen for the cries from the people. Each day the cries got fainter and fainter until one day there were no more cries for help. Those standing above the rubble felt helpless and frustrated that they could not save their loved ones.
There are people around us crying for help every day. Do we listen? As parents, our children cry for our love and attention. Do we listen? Babies cry when they are hungry or tired. Children cry when they are scared or hurt. Teenagers cry when they are disappointed or abused. Do we listen?
Do we hush the crowd of noisy voices vying for our attention so we can really listen? Do we stop our busyness with often mundane things so we can listen? Do we look our children in the eye and listen?
We can save our children! We can hear their pleas when they misbehave, when they make messes and when they disobey. We can look beyond the mere words and listen for the true meaning of what they say and do. We can listen for the fear they can't express, the wounds we are unaware of and the anger of their limitations.
We are the parents. Let us listen.
Each day as they lowered their microphone down the cracks, they would listen for the cries from the people. Each day the cries got fainter and fainter until one day there were no more cries for help. Those standing above the rubble felt helpless and frustrated that they could not save their loved ones.
There are people around us crying for help every day. Do we listen? As parents, our children cry for our love and attention. Do we listen? Babies cry when they are hungry or tired. Children cry when they are scared or hurt. Teenagers cry when they are disappointed or abused. Do we listen?
Do we hush the crowd of noisy voices vying for our attention so we can really listen? Do we stop our busyness with often mundane things so we can listen? Do we look our children in the eye and listen?
We can save our children! We can hear their pleas when they misbehave, when they make messes and when they disobey. We can look beyond the mere words and listen for the true meaning of what they say and do. We can listen for the fear they can't express, the wounds we are unaware of and the anger of their limitations.
We are the parents. Let us listen.
Tuesday, May 18, 2010
Music Tip #39 The Musicale
I had a really fun experience a couple of days ago. I was in Texas with my daughter who got her master's degree in cello performance. We were visiting with my brother who also lives in Texas. He and his wife had been invited to a little musical get-together at someone's "home" (it was really a MANSION). A friend of my brother who is the music department chairman at a local university had invited several of the faculty members to come and play their instruments. Wow!
First I'll describe the room in the "home". It contained a large pipe organ and two grand pianos and they didn't even take up 1/10 of the room. We sat in comfortable padded chairs and listened as the sound vibrated throughout the high raftered ceiling.
There was a variety of instruments featured (flute, clarinet, tuba, saxophone, trombone, violin, piano, and of course, organ)and serious music as well as jazz and humor (the organist was the organist for the Texas Astros--he played well known classical melodies interrupted by strains from "Take me out to the ballgame"). After the concert there was delicious finger food served in another large and beautiful room.
It was so fun and enjoyable. Now I want to put on a musical concert and invite friends, children and family. I want a variety of instruments. I want fun songs. I want good food afterwards. I want to encourage young people to love music. I want to motivate my students to practice. I want music to be an integral part of life.
All I need to find is a mansion.
First I'll describe the room in the "home". It contained a large pipe organ and two grand pianos and they didn't even take up 1/10 of the room. We sat in comfortable padded chairs and listened as the sound vibrated throughout the high raftered ceiling.
There was a variety of instruments featured (flute, clarinet, tuba, saxophone, trombone, violin, piano, and of course, organ)and serious music as well as jazz and humor (the organist was the organist for the Texas Astros--he played well known classical melodies interrupted by strains from "Take me out to the ballgame"). After the concert there was delicious finger food served in another large and beautiful room.
It was so fun and enjoyable. Now I want to put on a musical concert and invite friends, children and family. I want a variety of instruments. I want fun songs. I want good food afterwards. I want to encourage young people to love music. I want to motivate my students to practice. I want music to be an integral part of life.
All I need to find is a mansion.
Parenting Tip #39 All 7 are college graduates!
Ok, I’m going to brag just a little bit. My youngest daughter graduated from ASU last week. Art History. One of my sons received his master’s degree last week in Engineering. Another daughter received her master’s degree last week in cello performance. I have 7 children—all 7 are ASU graduates, 4 also have their master’s degrees and one is working on his doctorate in history. All 7 paid for their own education either by receiving grants, scholarships, working part time and/or having student loans. Yes, I am very proud of them and their accomplishments and hard work.
How do you make sure your children get a good education? Well, there are the standard answers--provide a place for them to do their homework, turn off the TV, be interested in their school work, make homework a priority, etc. Those are all great and valid answers. But there are also some things you can do that are just as important and valid--like teaching them to set goals.
My granddaughter has a goal to sleep dry through the night. Her younger brother doesn’t wet the bed anymore, so she doesn’t want to either. Her mother made her a chart, breaking the goal down into steps. She gets a sticker for going to the bathroom before bed, a sticker for not drinking water before bed and a sticker when her mom takes her to the bathroom before mom goes to bed. She’s been dry for 4 nights! Hurray! Will this step by step goal approach help her when she has a 10 page paper to write someday. Yes!
One of my sons had school phobia. Everyday in first grade he would throw a fit before going to school. When I walked him to school he would throw his lunch pail in the neighbors' yards. Some days he would runaway and I would look high and low for him (finding him in the bedroom closet). What did I do? Talked with him and tried to listen. Talked to the teacher and principal. Cried with him. Prayed with him. Used positive reinforcement with him. Eventually he overcame his problem (he’s the one working on his doctorate degree—oh, if I had only known it would all work out well). What did my son learn? Stick with it—ex. yes calculus is hard. Talk to the teacher, pray, work and eventually you’ll pass the class.
Teach your children to respect their teachers-even if they’re wrong. One year my daughter made the cheerleading team. Suddenly two of her teachers (a private music teacher and a school teacher) made life difficult for her by their belittling attitude toward her and their cutting comments. The other day I mentioned how mean one of these teachers had been to her. My daughter was shocked. “Why didn’t you let me know you felt that way years ago?” she asked. I replied that I wanted her to learn that sometimes injustices take place, but you still need to respect your elders and learn to take “it”. I don’t know if I was right or wrong, but children need to learn that life is sometimes unjust, and you have to be the better person and deal with it with grace and learn from the experience.
How do you make sure your children get a good education? Well, there are the standard answers--provide a place for them to do their homework, turn off the TV, be interested in their school work, make homework a priority, etc. Those are all great and valid answers. But there are also some things you can do that are just as important and valid--like teaching them to set goals.
My granddaughter has a goal to sleep dry through the night. Her younger brother doesn’t wet the bed anymore, so she doesn’t want to either. Her mother made her a chart, breaking the goal down into steps. She gets a sticker for going to the bathroom before bed, a sticker for not drinking water before bed and a sticker when her mom takes her to the bathroom before mom goes to bed. She’s been dry for 4 nights! Hurray! Will this step by step goal approach help her when she has a 10 page paper to write someday. Yes!
One of my sons had school phobia. Everyday in first grade he would throw a fit before going to school. When I walked him to school he would throw his lunch pail in the neighbors' yards. Some days he would runaway and I would look high and low for him (finding him in the bedroom closet). What did I do? Talked with him and tried to listen. Talked to the teacher and principal. Cried with him. Prayed with him. Used positive reinforcement with him. Eventually he overcame his problem (he’s the one working on his doctorate degree—oh, if I had only known it would all work out well). What did my son learn? Stick with it—ex. yes calculus is hard. Talk to the teacher, pray, work and eventually you’ll pass the class.
Teach your children to respect their teachers-even if they’re wrong. One year my daughter made the cheerleading team. Suddenly two of her teachers (a private music teacher and a school teacher) made life difficult for her by their belittling attitude toward her and their cutting comments. The other day I mentioned how mean one of these teachers had been to her. My daughter was shocked. “Why didn’t you let me know you felt that way years ago?” she asked. I replied that I wanted her to learn that sometimes injustices take place, but you still need to respect your elders and learn to take “it”. I don’t know if I was right or wrong, but children need to learn that life is sometimes unjust, and you have to be the better person and deal with it with grace and learn from the experience.
Sunday, May 9, 2010
Parenting Tip #38 Teach Your Children
What is a parent? A parent is a teacher. Who does a parent teach? Their child, of course! Here are some ideas from my daughter-in-law Katie, and my brother Paul and his wife Cheryl Ann:
Teach kids to be assertive. Give them choices within the bounds you have set. Example: they need to get dressed, you set that bound. BUT they can pick which shirt they want. You are still being the standard, but letting them have power in the choices they are making. This will help them trust their own judgment and be able to stand up for themselves when they need to. Being assertive teaches them they have a voice and can, and should be respected for it.
Teach children what you expect of them. If you want your children to sit still, teach them what it means to sit still. If they don’t understand what their body is supposed to do when you say sit still, then how are they ever going to know how to sit still?
Teach your children to do chores. If you invite your children to do chores beside you, they are happy to and you actually get more done.
Teach girls what it means to be a girl. How to act like a girl and how a boy should treat them. Some people don’t get respected because they don’t demand respect. Girls need to learn what it means to be a lady so they will never put up with someone who doesn’t treat them that way.
Teach boys what it means to be a boy and how to treat girls. Such things as holding open a door for a girl or not hitting a girl; pretty basic, but needed.
One of the biggest problems in today’s world is parents who are too passive. Children need good parents--not good friends. Be the parent, run the home, be in charge. Parents think their children will just know things. Our duty is to teach them. That’s the job God gave us. Children need someone to rely on and to teach them. Teach with love and enjoy your child!
Teach kids to be assertive. Give them choices within the bounds you have set. Example: they need to get dressed, you set that bound. BUT they can pick which shirt they want. You are still being the standard, but letting them have power in the choices they are making. This will help them trust their own judgment and be able to stand up for themselves when they need to. Being assertive teaches them they have a voice and can, and should be respected for it.
Teach children what you expect of them. If you want your children to sit still, teach them what it means to sit still. If they don’t understand what their body is supposed to do when you say sit still, then how are they ever going to know how to sit still?
Teach your children to do chores. If you invite your children to do chores beside you, they are happy to and you actually get more done.
Teach girls what it means to be a girl. How to act like a girl and how a boy should treat them. Some people don’t get respected because they don’t demand respect. Girls need to learn what it means to be a lady so they will never put up with someone who doesn’t treat them that way.
Teach boys what it means to be a boy and how to treat girls. Such things as holding open a door for a girl or not hitting a girl; pretty basic, but needed.
One of the biggest problems in today’s world is parents who are too passive. Children need good parents--not good friends. Be the parent, run the home, be in charge. Parents think their children will just know things. Our duty is to teach them. That’s the job God gave us. Children need someone to rely on and to teach them. Teach with love and enjoy your child!
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